Aiko's Story

Why manipulation works, and why it doesn't

There is a channel I listen to while I clean called:

J Nightmares

If you like scary true stories, I suggest his channel. He translates Japanese horror stories, and the one that I want to talk about, I heard yesterday. After the text of the story, and I also provided the audio link, if listening is more your speed, I will write about why this situation was able to unfold, and why it would not work on a psychopath.

The link below will take you directly to the timestamp of the story for this post, but I think the whole video is worth a listen. Heads up for all of you, listening or reading, the narrator identifies himself as, “Jay” or “J”, so when there is a break in the story with the lead in of, Hi, this is Jay/J here, that is his interjection.

SCARY STORIES FROM JAPAN [YOKAI CULTS GHOSTS]

For those of you reading, here is the text:

J Nightmares

This story was told to me by a relative, Aiko, not her real name, was a woman in her early forties, a single mother. Her husband passed away when their son was still in elementary school, and ever since she's had to raise him on her own. The boy had been cheerful and outgoing as a child, but somewhere around middle school things started to unravel. Health, issues, pressure over future plans, and the onset of adolescence, all collided, and it took a toll on his mental health. He became rebellious, even violent towards Aiko, and eventually stopped going to school altogether.

Aiko was already under incredible stress, grieving for her husband, living with the fear and anxiety that comes with raising a child alone, and on top of that dealing with domestic violence from her own son, and yet despite everything she'd been appointed as a class representative in her son's second year of middle school. A role that gave her no space to mentally recover or catch her breath.

By the time her son reached third year, he had completely withdrawn from school. Still, Aiko continued to fulfill her responsibilities as class rep, attending meetings and planning events. Aiko was known among the PTA for being responsible and easy to talk to. She wasn't just competent, she stood out through her work as a rep. She gradually formed bonds with other members.

The one she grew closest to was the head of the committee, a woman named Bee. Bee was about 5 years older than Aiko, and also came from a troubled family background, which naturally created a sense of camaraderie between them. Bee had a soft low-paced demeanor she was good at listening, really listening, even though she had a bit of an odd personality. Her warmth and patience made Aiko feel safe in a way that she seldom experienced. Aiko, who was usually cautious around others, came to trust Bee more than anyone.

She told Bee everything, how she felt lonely after her husband died, how painful it was to be screamed and hit by the very child she'd raised with so much love and effort. Most of the other moms in the PTA had, quote unquote, normal families. Aiko couldn't bring herself to talk about her situation around them. She felt ashamed somehow, but Bee had also been through divorce, she also was raising a child on her own, and so Aiko felt she could confide in her without judgment.

They would meet to vent talk, or just enjoy each other's company. Bee became her emotional support. Even after Aiko’s son graduated middle school and began attending a correspondence-based high school, their friendship continued. They'd go out for lunch on weekends, shop together, chat online nearly every day. Her son's rebellious phase wasn't over yet, but Aiko's own parents were old-fashioned. They clung to outdated ideas like, you just have to tough it out, and endurance is a virtue. They weren't of any help at all. Naturally, Aiko came to lean even more on Bee, the only person who genuinely empathized and offered encouragement without judgment. The comfort she felt around her made it easier to rely on her, and then one day Bee messaged Aiko to invite her out for lunch.

Usually they'd meet at some nearby cheap family restaurant, but this time, Bee suggested something different, “Do you want to try going somewhere a little farther today?” Aiko thought it might be nice for a change, and agreed without any second thoughts. They took Bee's car to the restaurant. After lunch, while they were sharing dessert, Bee casually asked, "Do you ever feel like it's really hard doing everything alone?"

"Well of course," Aiko replied without any hesitation, then Bee continued,

“Do you have anything to believe in?”

Aiko didn't quite understand what she meant. “Well not really. I guess not,” she answered.

“Well, with the way the world is today, that makes sense.”

They moved on to small talk, and eventually left the restaurant. When they got in the car, Bee didn't drive in the direction of Aiko's house. “Hey, isn't, isn’t this the wrong way? Are we going shopping or something?”

“Oh, it's uh, just a little detour. There's somewhere I want to go,” Bee said, almost nonchalantly. About ten minutes later, they turned a corner, and that's when Aiko started to feel a knot in her stomach.

Wait, this area looks familiar. It hit her. They were near a known facility, belonging to one of Japan's most powerful cults and just as they passed through the large iron gates, Bee said, "Aiko I think the reason you're struggling so much in life is because you don't have any faith. You need something to believe in. I've been listening to your problems for years now, but I'm at my limit. I can't help you anymore on my own. That's why I think it's time for you to join, and let Sama help you find peace.”

In that moment, Aiko realized exactly what had happened. She'd been set up. They'd found someone like her isolated, vulnerable, in pain, and slowly gained her trust, made her feel safe like she had found someone who understood her, and when her guard was down, they brought her here, right to the gates of the cult itself. Later, Aiko would say, "I think Bee believed that if she got me inside the grounds it'd be easier to persuade me. Like, once I was physically there, I'd have no choice but to go along with it."

Then Bee said, "Come on, I'll show you around. It's this way." The moment Aiko stepped out of the car, she bolted. She waited for the perfect opening and then took off running. Luckily her family home was close by, only a few streets away, and she ran as fast as she could, without ever looking back. After that day, Aiko erased every trace of Bee from her life. Phone numbers, chat history, everything. She never contacted her again, and to this day she hasn't heard from her, either.

Time passed. Her son eventually outgrew his rebellious phase, they began to rebuild their relationship. One day, Aiko shared this story with him as something of a cautionary tale. Her son listened, and said, "If you'd gone through a bit, if you'd actually joined, maybe you wouldn't have come back, and I'm really glad you did, I'm sorry for everything I put you through back then.”

Now they've built a much stronger, trusting bond as mother and son. What happened to Aiko is not just a scary personal experience, it's a chilling example of how cults prey on the most vulnerable in society. They don't always come with robed leaders, or grand ceremonies. Sometimes they look like a kind smile, a patient listener, a friend who always seems to be there when no one else is. Loneliness, grief, abuse, these are not just personal struggles, they're openings, cracks in a person's life that can be quietly, systematically exploited. The danger is real, and it's not always in some far away compound, it might be sitting across from you at lunch

Hi, Jay here, I know you must be curious about the cult mentioned, so based on the details in the story, I'm going to guess, but I think I might be right, I believe the cult in question may have been Soka Gakkai. This suspicion is based on several key elements. The cult is described as well-known and powerful in Japan with its own facility, and that kind of chimes with, Soka Gakkai.

They operate community centers nationwide. The method of gradual emotional grooming through, you know, this trusted friend, and the suggestion that a personal hardship is due to some sort of lack of belief, that kind of matches reports and allegations surrounding their outreach tactics. Particularly, by the way, through PTA or community volunteer roles, and one of the phrases, “do you have anything you believed in”, followed by a sudden detour to a religious facility that just echoes recruitment stories that have been documented by former members, and critics of the group.

While Soka Gakkai presents itself as a mainstream lay Buddhist movement, its aggressive recruitment practices, its communities and pressure tactics, have earned it a cult-like reputation in certain circles, especially those who've gone on to leave their organization. So, if you or someone you know is struggling, be mindful of who you open up to. True support never really demands blind faith, and no one, no matter how gentle their voice, or understanding their words are, has the right to manipulate your pain for belief.

Starting from the beginning, Aiko was dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and was alone in doing so. I imagine that if her parent’s reaction to her son’s issues was basically, suck it up buttercup, then it is unlikely that they were very supportive when her husband died. There was probably a point in time where they thought she should be over it by now, and that she needed to focus on her son.

Just here is a divergence from a psychopath, obviously. A death of that magnitude certainly has ramifications in anyone’s life, it isn’t the same for a psychopath. A lot of rearranging, and doing things differently, sure, but no emotional devastation.

After that, she valiantly decided to still be her son’s classroom rep. Now, a couple of things here. It seems like, even though her son didn’t participate in school, he was still physically present. This, to me, changes the context of the story a bit. Had he actually dropped out, I would have expected that it would be a bit odd that she still did the job, but the Japanese have a strong sense of obligation and responsibility, that she may well have still taken the role. I doubt I would have. I would have been like, “Figure it out, I’ve got my own problems, such as my son thinking he gets to drop out of middle school,” because that sh*t does not fly with me.

The next aspect is the physical abuse. I don’t tolerate that. Not from anyone. If my kid thought he could hit me, I would hit him back twice as hard for the trouble. That behavior would be met with swift and unmitigated pain. No exceptions. For those of you about to exclaim that would make me an abusive bi*ch, I will remind you, this is why I don’t have children. That kid would have been bleeding, and there would be no repeat of that behavior.

Let’s assume, that for some reason, all of these things that played out for Aiko, somehow, magically, ended up the same for me. I am in the classroom, I have the abusive kid, my husband died, etc., now how would things play out?

Let’s go through it.

1. Bee had an in, because Aiko was emotionally vulnerable. She was grieving, she was hurt, likely scared, she was trying to hold her life together, and she had no support. I don’t think her parents were holding her hands and then one day dropped them calling, “You’re on your own,” as they exit stage-right, so they have always been this way. All of these things made her feel isolated.
   
   Psychopaths do not feel that way. Husband died, well that sucks. Kid is rebellious, oh, is that what you think, parents aren’t around, I would first have to be around them for that to be a problem, but as I have discussed in the past, that is a bit of a problem that I have. Aiko also needed a friend. Psychopaths literally do not need other people, and that includes that kid of hers.
   
   Aiko has several places where Bee had an in.

2. She relied on Bee.
   
   A psychopath will almost never rely on anyone, for anything. We’ll take help, but as people who know me in life will tell you, if they stop contacting me, that’s the end of that. I won’t seek them out. If we went to lunches every other day for years, and then they were suddenly not there, I would be fine with that. Aiko had a need for the friendship, and Bee knew that.

3. She struggled with her son, and Bee related to her through that. Her divorce, her children, her pain.
   
   Psychopaths don’t get any sort of support from your struggles. I get this is a neurotypical way of relating, but that is not a thing with us. I don’t care what someone is going through, nor do I see anything in their struggles that relate to me. At no point in time do I find solidarity in that sort of thing. I will certainly listen to my friends’ troubles, but that does not create a bonding experience for us. It might on the other side, but it isn’t doing anything on my end.

4. She desired emotional empathy and fellowship from someone else. Her sadness for herself made her see herself in this other person and their story. There is a need for an emotional connection there, that is hardwired in the brain. It is not something easily dismissed.
   
   Psychopaths do not want, nor need, emotional empathy. There is no desire to connect with someone, nor a desire to feel that person has some sort of emotional investment in my life. This is our hardwiring, and it is totally contrary to the norm.

Aiko is a pretty standard neurotypical, and the reason that Bee’s manipulation worked on her, was because Bee was playing on all those needs that are part of that wiring. A need for others, a need for care, a need for understanding and empathy, a need to feel heard. There is also a need for love, and all of these things are places of vulnerability for neurotypicals when it comes to dealing with others.

I would have sniffed out Bee from the beginning. There is a process that people like this undertake to try to get the outcome they are looking for. They are friendly, they are complimentary, and they feign interest in problems. This might be nice for a neurotypical to come across, but to me, this is invasive and unwelcome. I am not interested in sharing my life with them, and they can go sniff around someone else.

Also, they tend to want to be friends. I don’t need friends, and those that I have took a long time to get that role in my life. It wasn’t a matter of meeting and chatting over coffee. I don’t have the desire for the social gatherings that neurotypicals tend to favor. If someone asks me for lunch, the answer will be no, unless I already know them. If you are wondering how I manage to get any friends with my attitude, I don’t. That is a feature, not a bug. I don’t have a lot of time, or interest to invest in others. It is rare that I do so, and those that I do are not the type to be clingy or overly friendly. That approach is a nonstarter with me.

The ways that neurotypicals tend to manipulate are the ways that work on them. They use emotional manipulation because they know that it works. It works on them, so they assume it works on others. This, by the way, is the reason that sometimes you can see straight through someone’s manipulation when others cannot. That type doesn’t work on you, and that is why it looks like a glow in the dark red flag. Either you simply don’t respond to that type, or, you used to, but now are wise to it. Either way, it fails on you when it is effective on others.

That is how all emotional manipulation looks to us. Shiny red flags waving in the wind that we are used to. When you see it, and recognize it, and are surprised about how it seems to be working on others, that is our whole life. The emotional feedback system isn’t there for us, so all of it appears to us, like that one moment appears to you. Hopefully, that gives you some insight into why we seem to be immune to it. Often I see arguments that we are immune to it because we are so good at it. That’s a silly argument.

Firstly, where did we learn to manipulate in that way? From you guys. You taught us everything that we know. Secondly, the reason that we see it is that none of that works on us or our wiring, but we are surprised every time we see it work on you. You guys are excellent teachers at both how to manipulate, what the possible outcomes are, when it’s too much, or too little, and that it is easier to go that route than it is to try and reason with the typically wired.

If neurotypicals want to manipulate one of us, they are going to go to the toolbox that they know. They use what has been time tested for generations, but with us, they run into a brick wall. This is true, regardless of who they are in our lives. Parents, siblings, significant others, friends, teachers, you name it. They all play by the same playbook, and because that is the excepted way to do things, and it generally works, they don’t consider another. They just try the same thing over and over, and then mad at us for being immune. They don’t, for a moment think, maybe there is another way. Maybe I should learn how this person operates and see what sort of in I can create.

This is much the same reason why they don’t learn cognitive empathy. The emotional version is the standard, and it usually works, though with more people with autism in the world, that is becoming a bit more of an issue. It doesn’t work on them for the most part. However, because it normally is the go to, no one thinks to learn cognitive empathy. They simply get mad at those that fall out of the excepted norm. I get it, you guys are the majority, but that means you can’t get mad at us when we don’t fit into your version of normal, and you certainly can’t get mad at us for not feeling how you feel.

Learning how to manipulate takes time, and it takes skill. People that put the time and effort in will have the upper hand when it comes to getting ahead. They have learned that not everything works the same on everyone, and so they develop different ways around that, and people watching them will wonder how they are so effective. It’s just a matter of creating a different skill set.

Now, for the question, can a psychopath manipulate another psychopath? I mean… I don’t know. I know one other psychopath in person, and we don’t manipulate one another. Why? Because nobody has time for that nonsense. We spend our whole lives trying to blend into society. When we hang out, neither of us wants to bother with the whole song and dance. We both prefer to be straight forward in general, but when we around one other, we get to behave normally. Why bother manipulating someone when we could just have a conversation? We tend to be very like minded.

Could a psychopath I don’t know manipulate me? Maybe? I have no idea. It hasn’t happened, though I have had plenty of pretend psychopaths try. They end up outing themselves as exactly that. Far too emotional when they fail. Could a real one? No idea, but maybe. It certainly would be far easier for them to understand how I think than any neurotypical

…except maybe my Significant Other. He’s pretty sharp.