Dealing With Boredom

As a psychopath...

Boredom sucks. There are no two ways about it. It simply sucks to have to deal with, but I have to deal with it, so deal with it I shall. Boredom and I have been together since early childhood and it has prompted all sorts of trouble that I got myself into. Add to my boredom absolute fearlessness and you have the recipe for a child of disaster, and that is exactly what I was. There was nothing that I wouldn’t get into, find, steal, play with, or a rule I wouldn’t break if it meant getting me what I wanted.

As I grew older, the consequences of my boredom became a bit more evident. I had to come to terms with the fact that a lot of my problems were self-induced. If I wanted to not have to deal with those consequences, I would have to find a new way to entertain myself. One that required me to be thoughtful, not impulsive. I like being impulsive, so this was a hard sell for me.

However, I did manage, over time and effort, to get myself on board with my plan of behaving myself, and had to address my boredom in a more practical way.

*I swear to God Grammarly, you had best start minding your business. I already have a competitor loaded up. You are about to be replaced if you can’t shut your damn mouth with your suggestions… I wrote exactly what I intended to write, and no, you do not know better than I do*

Boredom is sort of ever-present. I might forget about it for a short time when my mind latches onto something new and different that is of interest, but it is always there.

The boredom I believe comes from a brain that is in constant need of stimulation. Even when it has stimulation, it wants more. It wants different stimulation. It is why I often listen to something, game, write Quora answers, and talk to people at the same time. My brain is in continual search mode for things to know and learn about.

I describe it this way. New things, new information, they are the new toy in the toy box. It’s fun, for a little while. Then it tarnishes and loses its luster. I still have it, but now I want a new toy. It's a continual cycle. I delve into things deeply and learn everything there is to know about them, and then, while I have that information now and I can use it for future things, I need new information as the previous feed is now dull and listless.

Even when I have my new topic that I am going to be invested in for a time, the boredom is still there, waxing and waning, but the most difficult time is when the new topic loses its luster, and the boredom is just waiting for me with nothing to break it up. This sort of time period is when I am at the greatest risk of doing something impulsive, and overall that outcome can be bad for me.

I had a hypothesis that perhaps boredom is worse for the more intelligent psychopaths because we glean information very quickly, the stimulation of newness comes and goes faster, and we are then in search of something to take its place. Perhaps if we had less in the way of intelligence we would have our attention captured for longer.

However, after reading that article that spoke about self-awareness being a mitigating factor of boredom, it made me think that perhaps low-functioning antisocial psychopaths actually struggle more with this due to the lack of self-awareness and impulses governing their lives.

Hervey Cleckley had a brilliant insight in regard to the drive to do things in a psychopathic mind. He states as summarized by Professor Joseph Newman;

"Psychopaths are not driven by the things that lead to their behavior. It's not that they're driven to be especially violent or aggressive, it's not like they're so motivated to get money that they're going to after it in that way, it's not like they're so turned on by sexual things that they do things that are sexually inappropriate, and he went on and on that, and he explicitly notes;"

"That if anything their drive towards those goals, maybe less than those of other people. The only thing is when they have a whim, just a thought that it might interesting to try this or do this, they are more likely to act on it. So he talks about very weak urges breaking through even weaker restraints being a hallmark of psychopathy".

So, the drive may not be any stronger, in fact, it may indeed be weaker. It's just that if it seems like it could be fun we may indulge in it because of the weak behavior restraints.

We seek to alleviate boredom.

I’m not sure for whom the boredom is worse, but either way, boredom is a very real aspect of our lives, regardless of high functionality or low functionality. Due to this, I have some strategies that I have enacted to counter these states.

I have a large library of unplayed games going back to my PS2. I still use my PS2, as well as my Wii, 360, my One, my Series S, and my PS5. I keep a collection of games that might catch my interest in the house unplayed so they are always an option. One of them might interest me, so I make it a point to go through them and randomly try ones that I haven’t played in the past. Some specifically are games I know I like the style of, some are indie games that are easy to come by. They may be short and inexpensive, but I have found a lot of them to be pretty entertaining for what they are. Donut Country is an excellent example of this.

I write. This is a give-or-take kind of thing. Sometimes I am in the mood to write, and other times it makes me annoyed and offers no respite from the gnawing monster in my head. It can work, but it does not always.

I keep interesting connections with people that do interesting things. There might be something that I had never even considered before that comes up. A definite perk, and very possible downfall of psychopathy is you’re pretty much up for most anything. The more bored, the more willing. We thrive with spontaneity. If you say, “Hey! Let’s go explore that abandoned crumbling mansion”, for instance, you are talking to the spot where I used to be sitting. I’m already down in the car yelling, “LET’S GO!!!” Back at you, annoyed you’re still in the house. What is wrong with you?

I build playlists. Past things that have been interesting to me are still interesting, just not to the level they once were. That doesn’t mean I quit learning about them all altogether, I can never have too much information, but I don’t have a need to consume it like I did when that was my focus. All the same, I build reading lists, and playlists of books and videos that backtrack through previous topics that I know a lot about. This keeps my knowledge up and ready, and it makes it so the boredom is quelled for a time.

I also build playlists of things that I would like to learn about, but may not be inclined to learn about right that second. It might be exactly what my bored brain needs to be happy when the time comes. This has had some decent positive results, so it is a good method for dealing with it.

Learn how to cook something I have either never attempted but like, or have never even heard of, but what the hell. My mother had cookbooks from all over the world, and when I was younger, probably around ten, I found a dessert from somewhere in Africa. I think it might have been from Zaire. It wasn’t anything that I had ever eaten, it was a flavor profile I was unfamiliar with, it was full of ingredients that were not commonly stocked in our house, and I decided, I’m making that, so I did. I have no memory of how it turned out, and for all I know it was terrible. I wouldn’t have had the real thing to compare it to, so how would I, or anyone else know if it was correct?

However, the point was, it was a challenge that I wanted to undertake because I was bored. It entertained me for a time, so it served it’s purpose. I doubt I would have any idea if I ever saw the same thing on a menu that it was the dessert I tried recreating so long ago, as I can’t recall anything from it apart from it having candied ginger on it, or in it, or something like that. There was candied ginger, I remember that much.

If they are around, I might talk to someone I like. That can be fun and stimulating depending on the topic.

The house might need a good clean…there’s always that… Not that cleaning is all that entertaining, but it does give me time to think about what I would rather be doing than that, and sometimes I come up with something that alleviates my boredom.

Hopefully, someone has made a new documentary about something I want to know about. That’s always nice. Like the one that is about the future Carrington Event. I am looking forward to that one. Grim subject matter, terribly interesting to learn about.

Learning a new skill set is also something that I might decide to do. Have I never done something and have no idea where to start? Perfect, let’s do this. So long as it interests me, then it may be suitable.

If all else fails, have a nap. Maybe the reboot will give me new ideas.

Interestingly, my Significant Other is really good at finding things that will interest me. Better than I am on many occasions. I think this is because he thinks of things that I otherwise might not. Or, more annoyingly, it’s because he knows me too well, and that’s a problem. Not a real problem, but an annoying know-it-all kind of problem. However, he wouldn’t be my Significant Other if he wasn’t so good at knowing what I want and why I might want it. So, there’s that.

These are a few of the things that I do to entertain myself when nothing else appears to be doing the trick. Oh, and anime. Kyle, if you are reading this, no I have not forgotten that you would like a list of suggestions, and I will compile that when I have a moment to do so. It is still something that is on my to-do list, however, I didn’t just shine you on.

Anyway, boredom might be ever-present in psychopathy, but it should never be a master of a psychopath. It is still our responsibility to not be a menace to society and those around us. I do my best to self-solve my boredom, but when that fails, I have backup plans for my backup plans.