External Chaos Feeds Internal Chaos

Why your environment matters...

You know I am fond of saying that you create the world in which you want to live. This is absolutely true, but I think that the implications of that saying are different for psychopaths and those more emotionally minded.

For a psychopath, we tend to be like electricity. We want to find the shortest path to complete the circuit. That can lend to problems when it comes to the consequences of completing that circuit, so it is imperative that we also learn how to predict what will happen if we take any given path.

For a low-functioning psychopath, this may pose a problem, as low-functioning psychopaths may have issues with impulse control, learning to tell themselves no and sticking to it, as well as they may not be all that intelligent. This is a cocktail of things that can dramatically limit their ability to make good decisions.

Do I think that they are incapable? I tend to think no, and still abide by the creed of personal responsibility, but I am willing to accept that there are certainly things I don’t know, so perhaps I am wrong. I am also predisposed to think that if they are capable of telling themselves no and decide not to, that a number of them would likely claim victim of circumstance, and lean into the myth that psychopaths cannot predict the consequences of their behavior.

That, by the way, is a myth. Any moderate to high-functioning psychopath can predict the consequences of their actions, the difference lies not in the ability to do so, but the inclination to care about those consequences. It is far more likely that a moderate to high-functioning psychopath knows what is going to come from what they do, they simply do not have the wiring for that consequence to make a difference in the desire to go forward anyway. I’m not sure that low-functioning psychopaths are any different than this, and I think it is more realistic that they have simply fooled researchers into the notion that they can’t help themselves.

The environment that a psychopath is raised in has a huge impact on how they view the world and what they value. I believe it also has an impact on the negotiations that they make with themselves on acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. A negative environment will contribute heavily to the development of antisocial behaviors in a psychopathic person. The more chaos in life, the more chaos that will be enacted into the world. It is sort of a tit-for-tat kind of situation. I think that the circumstances are quite different for emotionally wired people, however.

I think that for neurotypicals there is this blind spot when it comes to their environment, especially when that environment is extremely negative. I have seen many people that live in abject chaos, they keep a messy house, car, they are consummately late, they eat poorly, and are miserable. However, they are reluctant or completely resistant to seeing that how they live on the outside has a direct contribution to their internal functioning.

I have mentioned before that I have a friend that works with people that have been through severe abuse in their lives, and what it takes for them to find their footing in the world. It is difficult when your entire life has been lorded over by someone else, to suddenly have to manage it and yourself in a world that you can’t really understand. One of the biggest things that is implemented with people in this situation through their therapy is structure. It is creating an environment that they can not only see themselves mastering control over, thus giving themselves a sense of power in their own lives, but also to create the environment that they are going to be calmest in.

This can be a huge struggle for some of them, but it is something that is really stressed for those that he works with. They are creating the world in which they want to live. They want to live in a world where they can predict what is going to happen to them. This is something that they have never had before, and it can be extraordinarily difficult to create the neural pathways that are necessary to continue along this route.

However, the long-term benefits cannot be ignored. When they are able to be in a clean calm place, they are more likely to have a calm and organized thought process. This is crucial for recovery. When you are plagued by nothing but bad memories and nightmares, it can be most difficult to start building a new life for yourself. Every step matters, and the environment is a big part of that.

Of course, this is an extreme example. It is rare that anyone ever meets someone that has a history like that, and the doctrine of care is very specialized and customized to each individual because their circumstances may have similar abuse, but different origins. What about regular people? Those without this kind of history? What effect does their environment have on them?

Well, if you listen to many that live chaotic lives, they insist that there isn’t one. Often these are the same people that struggle in many aspects of their lives, from mate finding, relationship keeping, job satisfaction, and personal follow-through with dreams and goals, as well as many other places where they feel that they can’t catch a break. It is with these same people that they will insist that their external chaos either plays no role in these issues, or even if they can acknowledge that it is a symptom of a problem, it isn’t one that they are willing to do the work to correct.

I have heard many people make the excuse that they have some sort of limitation that prevents them from addressing these issues, depression, and anxiety being a common couple. This, apparently, prevents them from trying to do anything, and just accepting that this is the way that it is. I am the first to admit that I know nothing about either of these things, and I am not pretending that I do. What I am saying, however, is that your internal functioning is drawing from the environment that you are functioning within. Sometimes there truly is something to be said for behaving your way to success.

It isn’t easy. I am under no illusion that it is. I don’t like cleaning my house, and I don’t have anything other than, “Ugh… I don’t wanna…” that gets in my way. I have no mental or emotional blockade that stops me in my tracks, just procrastination that I could easily talk myself into when it comes to undesirable activities. I would imagine that it is much easier for me to do what I know I have to.

What I know, however, is that it can be done and the benefits are greatly beneficial to someone that is seeking to have a better life. It cleans your mind as you clean your world. You are literally creating the place where your brain is being nourished. It also provides you structure when you lack motivation to do even the most basic of things. It won’t fix issues like depression or anxiety, I’m not claiming that. I am not a psychologist, so don’t place your mental health into my hands. What it can do, however, is give you the smallest sense of purpose, and when you accomplish it, it provides you with that small win. You did that. You accomplished that. Small wins can have a massive impact on your overall well-being.

My Significant Other and I have always had dogs and cats. I know, seems like we are going in a totally different direction here, but hang out with me for a moment and you’ll see where I am going. Something that we have noticed about having animals in our lives is the conversations that we have with other people that also have them. Most notably, they want to know how our animals are so damn awesome.

“How is your dog so calm and sweet? Did you take her to training classes?”

Nope. She is a product of her people and her environment. We are asked frequently what is it that we are doing differently that they aren’t doing. They can’t seem to figure out how to have the relationship with their animals that he and I have with ours. A great deal of it comes from:

1. How we interact with them. We are not inclined to treat them like they are stupid or do not understand us when we speak to them.

2. Routine. They know what to expect from us, and what we expect from them.

3. Environment. It is calm and relaxed, so they are calm and relaxed.

Animals reflect the world that you have them in. If your house is a mess, and if you are mentally a mess, you will see negative behaviors in the animals that share your home. The energy that you put off affects them and their mental well-being drastically. Have you ever seen someone that seems to have a fundamental connection with animals, so much so that wild animals will befriend them? I have a friend like this, and I call him a Disney Princess because of it. He hates that nickname, but there is no denying the draw animals have to him. He has walked into the middle of a herd of wild horses and had a conversation with them. He’s kind of superhuman in that regard.

What does this have to do with your environment? A lot. He didn’t just become the dude that animals would climb his braid just to be held by him… my cat did this, it was ridiculously adorable. He nurtures a calm and mindful spirit, and that spirit is what the animals are drawn to. It is reflected in every part of his life, but if you knew him, you would know that this was not always the case. He is, as he puts it, a continual work in progress.

I am not saying that everyone can become the animal whisperer. I think that is a unique, strictly ‘him’ outcome, but if your animals are neurotic, look around the world that you have them living in. Trust me, it is contributing. It is also contributing to your mental well-being. Chaos without means further chaos within. One holds hands with the other, regardless of your willingness to believe that is the case. I have no idea why some people are so resistant to the idea that their mental and physical health can be improved by addressing some of the shortcomings in their external world, but it really does make a difference.

As Jordan Peterson says, make your bed. That’s all. Just make your bed. Do it every day. Then, at the end of the week, change and wash your sheets. Make it a habit. From the bed, you work your way out, taking on small and manageable chores that you simply incorporate into your daily routine. As more and more it becomes habit, the less emotional and mental focus it will require to convince yourself to do them. Much like when you are starting a workout routine, once you push through the physical difficulty and it becomes a normal part of your life, this too will become easier, and it will make a difference.

If you want peace, you have to first invite it into your world. After that, the peace in which you live will have a lot to do with the peace you create for yourself.