Narcissist Versus Psychopath

The differences are obvious, despite this articles claims...

Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

In the last post, I spoke about how psychopaths and narcissists are quite different in terms of how we relate to relationships. That same day I came across this lovely article by our favorite writer, Lily Hale. Once again she has decided to shower her wisdom upon us regarding how to tell the difference between a psychopath and a narcissist. Considering how accurate her previous article were, let’s see how this one shapes up, shall we?

Narcissist vs Psychopath: How to Tell the Difference We hear the terms all the time, but how do we differentiate?

Aren’t you just shivering with excitement?

Differentiating between stereotypical narcissists and psychopaths is actually quite simple. Here are the key differences:

Oh, this should be fun.

Antisocial versus prosocial

Most psychopaths are antisocial. They are rebellious and are contrary to the laws and customs of society. They can be outright antagonistic to sociable instincts or practices. They also tend to be proud of their antisocial behaviour.

Not off to a great start Lily. This is incorrect. Most psychopaths are not antisocial, and there is no need to call the majority of us “prosocial”. We are the majority, therefore the differentiation belongs to the outliers. Not us normal psychopaths.

Also, I have seen how you define “prosocial” and you are also incorrect about that. For those of you that don’t recall or haven’t read it her statement of what “prosocial” means is:

The Prosocial Psychopath:

This is the sub-type sexually motivated psychopathic serial killers fall into. Although, most psychopaths in this category do not end up becoming serial killers. (In general, ‘serial killer’ is an extremely rare phenomenon even amongst psychopaths.)

No Lily, that is not what prosocial means. It means:

pro·so·cial

/prōˈsōSHəl/

adjectivePSYCHOLOGY

relating to or denoting behavior which is positive, helpful, and intended to promote social acceptance and friendship.

You should probably simply look up a word before you decide to redefine it to suit your purpose. I will congratulate you on stating that most psychopaths are not serial killers, I wonder, however, if you fall into the rather vocal contingent that insists that all serial killers are psychopaths. They aren’t by the way. If you would like the stats on how many psychopaths are antisocial, which is actually what your version of “prosocial” is, you can find them here:

Antisocial Psychopaths

There you will find factual information about our numbers and how many of us are not antisocial in the slightest. I think that you may have an extreme bias against us. I tend to think that facts are the best way to address that, but I have learned through research that facts do not change emotionally invested beliefs. People that are emotionally invested in this “psychopaths are evil” narrative do not like reading the facts, instead, they like calling me a liar in a truly fantastic temper tantrum.

Moving on.

Most narcissists on the other hand are prosocial. This is because they need attention to regulate their self-esteem. They want other people to like them. They are also more developmentally mature than psychopaths as indicated by their capacity to form long term and somewhat stable relationships.

Considering that almost every single article about “psychopathy” has described NPD, not psychopathy, this would be incorrect. Also, according to experts on NPD, they do not have the ability to have long-term or stable relationships. If they are long-term, they are not remotely stable because the person with NPD does not have a stable sense of self and will put their partner through a lot of grief because of their functioning. Ask anyone that has had a breakup with someone diagnosed with NPD, and they are not going to describe to you long-term, stable relationships. Me thinks you might need to do some more research and actually speak to people that are experts in the field.

DSM 5 — Narcissistic Personality Disorder Alternative Criteria:

Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

There is a great deal more to NPD than that. That isn’t even touching on ninety-nine percent of the issues that come along with it. Quoting that DSM is not giving information that is going to encapsulate NPD. I spoke about this in my previous article.

Introverted vs Extraverted

Most psychopaths are lone wolves. They may be narcissistic and enjoy attention but unlike actual narcissists, they are not addicted to narcissistic supply, which is a term used to describe attention, admiration and adulation. Psychopaths do not need attention in order to regulate their self-esteem — they prefer to spend most of their time alone.

In this paragraph you are correct. Psychopaths are indifferent to attention really. There isn’t anything there for us. If someone compliments me, if I am masked, I will respond graciously and thank them. If I am mask off, I simply look at them. It isn’t important information to me. I know that I am supposed to behave with gratitude, but the sentiment isn’t necessary in the first place, and I would prefer people just skip it. I absolutely will give you the nod at this particular paragraph.

Shallow Affect vs Mood Lability

Psychopaths have shallow emotions. While they can feel most emotions, they do not have the capacity to experience them at the same level as normal people. Narcissists have significantly greater capacities for attachment and emotions in comparison. They are especially prone to shame but they can also feel guilt, remorse and empathy. These are lacking in the psychopathic personality. For instance, psychopaths don’t show evidence of mood lability or depression.

I am going to disagree with part of this paragraph. Not about the psychopath section, but rather the NPD section. I don’t think that someone with NPD is actually attaching to the person that they are with. I believe that they are attaching to an imagined version of that person. It seems that when the person fails to live up to this imagined version the relationship often falls apart and the cycle of devaluing begins. This is not something that all people with NPD do, but it is very common, and quite unfortunate.

There is a prosocial variant of the psychopath, who appears somewhat similar to a narcissist. This can lead to confusion.

Actually, we don’t. Like at all. We have our own thing going for us, and it isn’t anything like NPD. I can say that people with NPD tend to be very attracted to us. I believe this has to do with the unassailable self-esteem that they covet.

How to differentiate:

Sexual Sadism & Sex Addiction

Antisocial psychopaths and narcissists are autoerotic and asexual. They can have a sex addiction, but this does not come from feelings of sexual arousal. Many narcissists use sex to regulate their self-esteem and feel good about themselves but the act itself is essentially equivalent to masturbating with someone else’s body. They are addicted to the attention — not the sex. While narcissists can be addicted to pornography, it’s not uncommon for them to struggle with erectile dysfunction during actual sex and be unable to feel arousal. Their relationships often become sexless over time.

In this one, you said it was about psychopaths and narcissists, but then you go on to only address narcissists except for the first sentence which is again, inaccurate. Psychopaths are not asexual, nor autoerotic. This is ridiculous and not at all realistic. Psychopaths have no interest in sleeping with themselves, if we did, we simply would. No need for anyone else. I will address the rest of it as though you meant to speak about both psychopaths and narcissists, because you implied that the paragraph was about both.

I have no idea where you got this nonsense but it is absolutely laughable. If sex was like masturbation for a psychopath, literally no psychopath on earth would bother. We are self-interested and self-focused. We don’t need other people. If masturbation was exactly the same, none of us would ever bother with sex with another person. What a waste of time that would be.

Also, psychopaths can’t get addicted to anything. This neurological fact does not change because it suits your article. Again, if you do not know about something, don’t write about it. You know very little about psychopathy. I will note and congratulate you when you get things right, but most of the time you are so far off the mark I can’t believe it.

Antisocial psychopaths usually experience some form of sexual deviancy but this dies down after teenage years. Their preoccupation with sex comes from a phenomenon called identification with the aggressor. If they are sexually active, they often see themselves as womanisers or sluts. For them, it’s all about being outrageous, controversial and going against the social norm. If they have experienced sexual sadism at an early age, you will likely get full proud disclosure of this. In general, they are proud of all their “f**ked up” qualities, including any deviant sexual interests.

*head on desk*

Nope… not even a little bit of this is accurate. Are some antisocial psychopaths sexually deviant? Sure, but it’s not because they are psychopathic. They are just part of the population that is. Out of the sexual deviants that I have known, none were psychopathic, both had NPD, and one was malignant.

Psychopaths do not see themselves as womanizers or sluts. The problem with this view is that to consider this, you would have to first be able to see yourself in the eyes of others. Even if a psychopath has the cognitive empathy to do so, they wouldn’t care in the slightest. It wouldn’t even occur to them if they slept around. It wouldn’t rate on the relevant information scale. They would have sex, and it would be over. Then later, they would have sex again with someone else, and then it would be over. There is no preoccupation with anything in psychopathy. This is basic information, and if you are going to write about it, you should know it.

The rest of the paragraph is even worse.

For them, it’s all about being outrageous, controversial and going against the social norm. If they have experienced sexual sadism at an early age, you will likely get full proud disclosure of this. In general, they are proud of all their “f**ked up” qualities, including any deviant sexual interests.

Nope. Not to any of this. Again, you do not know what you are talking about. If you did you would:

1. Know that sadism requires emotional empathy. Psychopaths do not have this, and sadism is a quality that those with emotional empathy have. Not psychopaths.

2. There is no pride in psychopathy. What other people think or don’t think literally doesn’t cross our minds unless we have highly tuned cognitive empathy, and if we do, guess what we use it for? Making our lives better for us. Psychopaths do not do any of the things that you list, and we don’t have sadism. Psychopaths that have cognitive empathy also know that bragging about things does not make our lives better. You really do not know a thing about how we think.

Prosocial psychopaths, on the other hand, are highly unlikely to disclose anything deviant about themselves. They like to maintain a high functioning and socially acceptable image. Yet, their preoccupation with sex comes from a genuine sex drive. They experience power and control as sexually arousing. In comparison, antisocial psychopaths’ sadism and feelings of being in control can be ego-syntonic and give them a rush or a high but these don't have a sexual component.

Good lord no. Psychopaths do not care about power or control. Both of them mean that you care about other people. Psychopaths do not. Psychopaths often have control or power because people tend to defer to us and make us take the responsibility for them, but we are not interested in such nonsense. You can keep that for yourself, and be responsible for yourself as well. We don’t have an interest. Neither control nor power is alluring to us at all.

When neurotypicals say that sort of thing to us it is very amusing, and it speaks to the hubris that I often run into. The reason you think that we could care a dinkus damn about control is because you value it. We don’t. You are projecting your own love of the idea of control onto us.

Power does nothing for us, control does nothing for us. These are emotional payoffs that we do not get. Power and control can be a tool to get what we actually want, but it is never the goal. Obsession with power is not on our side of the fence. It is certainly not “sexually arousing”. Tells me more about you than you know about us.

Shallow Affect

Both antisocial and prosocial psychopaths have shallow emotions and a reduced capacity for bonding. Narcissists don’t. They can and do form full emotional attachments.

Nope. Again you are incorrect about us. There is no capacity for bonding. Not a reduced one. None at all. Also likely untrue about people with NPD. They do not seem capable of bonding to a person because they do not see that actual person. They see an idealized version. That isn’t bonding, that’s romance with their own imagination.

Prosocial and Appearance Conscious

Like narcissists, prosocial psychopaths present a socially acceptable façade. They are much less likely to act controversially in front of others and try to shock people as antisocial psychopaths do. If you meet an antisocial psychopath, they may even outright tell you ‘I’m crazy’ or ‘I’m dysfunctional’. They may talk about the crimes they have committed or proudly disclose their failures in forming relationships and their reckless behaviours because they are likely to take pride in these. Prosocial ones on the other hand will often present a very high functioning and stable image.

Unless a psychopath is low-functioning, they have a mask. You are incorrect about this. Most antisocial psychopaths, as few of them as there are, are very good at masking and seeming like they are totally neurotypical. In most cases, you wouldn’t have a clue that one was in front of you. They are never going to tell you that they are either crazy or dysfunctional. They also aren’t going to talk about any crimes that they have committed. If you are talking about low-functioning psychopaths that have the possibility of being dumb as a rock then maybe they will tell you about their wrongdoing, but they are certainly not going to say that they are either crazy or dysfunctional.

ADHD Not As Severe

Antisocial psychopaths often present with co-morbid ADHD. Prosocial psychopaths either don’t have ADHD or it is not as severe as the antisocial variant. Therefore, they tend to be more high functioning than your run-of-the-mill psychopaths as their brains are more mature. They are not as impulsive or irresponsible. In the history of antisocial psychopaths, it is very common to find checkered work histories, financial irresponsibility, criminal records and reckless behaviours in general, including inadequately motivated antisocial acts. Prosocial psychopaths are more likely to maintain stable jobs and relationships, similar to narcissists.

Citation please.

You don’t have one. Not a reputable one that I won’t be able to pick apart in thirty seconds. Do you know why I know this? Because some idiot that was over on Quora proclaimed to anyone and everyone that he was a psychopath, also made the claim that “psychopaths have an ADHD brain”. This was incredibly easy to disprove. Not only was he not a psychopath at all, but he was also making things up and had nothing to support his claims. There is no research that remotely demonstrated that actual psychopaths, not people with ASPD, but actual psychopaths, have any correlation with ADHD. Research does not support this claim, and you should not make it without anything backing you up. There is no overlap between psychopathy and ADHD. There might be one between ASPD and ADHD, but ASPD has nothing to do with psychopathy, so, no. You’re incorrect.

Superficially Polite — Surface Level Conversation

Prosocial psychopaths maintain distance by not revealing any information about themselves and being elusive in general. A conversation with them feels impersonal. Their niceness and politeness feel as if they are performing or laying it on just a little too thick. Their psychopathy is much more concealed from public view.

Antisocial psychopaths can be more personal and less superficial in some ways but they still maintain distance, usually through thinly disguised hostility and suspiciousness. They will tend to come across as more aggressive. Narcissists, on the other hand, are also superficial but they are more prone to being outright arrogant or derogatory. Especially overt narcissists are often openly grandiose and even rude. In comparison, psychopaths’ grandiosity is usually expressed subtly.

This first sentence is actually true. Psychopaths have no interest in telling you anything about themselves. Fortunately, we don’t need to talk about ourselves because the people that initiate conversations with us, it will almost never be the other way around, proceed to talk entirely about themselves.

After that, it falls off the edge. When people talk to a psychopath, not only does it feel very genuine, but it feels really good. How do I know this? People tell me this, all the time. Strangers unload their life stories on me, with no prompt whatsoever from me, and then they tell me that I am one of the nicest people they have ever met. They thank me for listening to them, and if they ever see me again they will hurry to talk to me again.

Here’s the funny thing about that. Oxytocin is tied to things other than the touchy feely part of life that NTs adore so much. It also relates to facial recognition and facial memory. When they come back up to me, I have literally no memory of ever meeting them. Does that mean that I tell them this? No, of course not. I respond to them like I know exactly who they are, and they believe me completely. If you want to write about what conversations are like with a psychopath, have one before you declare that you have any idea. Again, you are incorrect.

This paragraph:

Antisocial psychopaths can be more personal and less superficial in some ways but they still maintain distance, usually through thinly disguised hostility and suspiciousness. They will tend to come across as more aggressive. Narcissists, on the other hand, are also superficial but they are more prone to being outright arrogant or derogatory. Especially overt narcissists are often openly grandiose and even rude. In comparison, psychopaths’ grandiosity is usually expressed subtly.

Nope. Antisocial psychopaths aren’t hostile. That isn’t what makes them dangerous. They are very charming. You should assign traits to the dangerous psychopaths and mislead people with inaccurate traits. If you want people to have a heads up, they should be more cautious of people that they are charmed by. You might be accurate had you used this for antisocial sociopaths. However, they have nothing to do with psychopaths, so… no.

Developmentally in-between the Antisocial Psychopath and Narcissist

Personality disorders are essentially arrested development. Antisocial behaviour indicates a much more primitive personality. So does asexuality and autoeroticism. Small children are autoerotic and asexual but then they eventually go on to develop full sexuality. Therefore, the ability to feel sexually aroused by other people points towards a more developmentally mature personality. So does the inclination towards prosocial behaviours. Yet, prosocial psychopaths are still emotionally shallow and cannot attach to the same level as narcissists so they are likely less mature than them. To compare, if the antisocial psychopath is 3 years old, the prosocial variant is 5 years old, and the narcissist is 7–8 years old.

Wow wow wow wow…wow.

No.

Psychopathy is genetic. It has nothing to do with childhood. The misinformation you are spreading has been demonstrated many times over through studies. Psychopaths are born. You claim you are going into this field, and I encourage you not to. You are going in with so many misconceptions that you would have to unlearn first, and frankly, that is a very difficult thing to do. When people are emotionally attached to what they believe, they don’t change it. Many things that you claim are easily disproven by a simple google search, and yet you write them up as facts. It is very similar to the “psychopaths have an ADHD brain” dude on Quora.

Just because you keep saying it, doesn’t make it so.

Also, they have not been able to definitively state that NPD is from childhood. That is the working assumption, and they have found several similarities in patients with it, but it is not settled. Antisocial behavior is incredibly common, and it has nothing to do with either psychopathy or NPD. There are antisocial narcissists. They are called Malignant Narcissists. There are antisocial psychopaths, and they are called antisocial psychopaths, and not the “antisocial” that you claim. Antisocial by real psychological and legal terms. As I stated before, most people that are antisocial are neurotypicals. They have it by sheer numbers alone.

Psychopaths mature just fine. Assuming that “maturity” has anything to do with neurotypicality is extremely self-centered. I know many mature neurotypicals, but I meet a lot of them that are operating at about the age of seventeen. I am a fully functioning, fully mature adult. Being psychopathic did not in any way prevent me from growing up. You assuming that psychopathy is somehow a kind of disability that prevents this from happening, again, demonstrates that you don’t know anything about us.

I don’t write about things I don’t know because I know that I will not do that subject justice. For instance, I will not do a series of articles on BPD, because I do not know enough about it to be able to do so. I do not know someone with BPD that I would ask questions to be sure that I am being reasonable. I know that many of the articles and studies on it are ridiculously inaccurate. I know that there are few people that are experts in it that could give a reliable approach to it. I could read a dozen dreadful articles about it, and some of the garbage studies and present them as though I know what I am talking about, but I wouldn’t. I would be regurgitating or making up information that has nothing to do with the reality of BPD.

That wouldn’t make for good reading.