and how to approach it
Fear of failure is something I’m familiar with unfortunately. I am exam phobic and am well aware that fear of failure plays a part in that. I have never beaten this phobia. My son is currently about to start some important exams next week. I can confirm I feel worse knowing that he has to take the exams than I would if I was taking them myself.
Failing at a game brings no penalties, other than time and frustration. Usually though failure does result in penalties. Fail these exams, you don’t pass on to the next level of education. Fail your driving test and you incur cost of additional lessons, it might prevent you from getting the job you applied for in the next town etc. so to me, failure often results in a penalty.
Then there is the element of being seen to fail. There is a shame element to it. What? You didn’t pass your driving test on the second go? What, you didn’t get in to study this or that? There’s negative feedback, rarely positive. You don’t hear “Oh well done, you failed your exams, that’s a great learning experience right there!”
I am not a people pleaser in the usual sense, but, I also don’t want to disappoint, I think that works against me also. The penalty idea is more crippling though, not every failure can easily be redone. Some have consequences and the uncertainty surrounding the consequence plays into the fear.
Could be bad parenting as suggested in the article, I do think the world in general demands success though, there is judgement and there is evaluation of worth based on that judgement. That’s where fear of failure feels almost rational.
Right on time, before my job interview.
Love your thoughts about this topic...
"Failure is a necessary part of life. It is the only way that you are going to learn anything and it is also what makes life interesting. When people say that they fear failure or that they want to avoid it in any way possible, I can’t imagine how they derive much enjoyment from the world. A great deal of the benefits to be found on this planet are found through failure and it is a crucial part of a person’s development."
Thank you Athena, loved the article. It was cool how you pictured failure and use the game that translated into an easy language for us to relate too. Can't wait for the next one!
"When people are paralyzed by the emotional impact of failure I often wonder if they were made to suffer in their lives for failures by those that should be encouraging a person to keep going. Someone like their parents, for instance. If that is the case, those parents suck and clearly do not have a concept of the high value that failure really does have."
I think this is exactly what is going on many times. Well said.
As the old cow trader once told me, "Your first loss is your best loss"
You can't avoid failure in life.
You will get hit. You can run, but you cannot hide. A statement so true of Failure.
Failure can kill you.
It can destroy your mind and take your soul. However, hell teaches you about Heaven. Sometimes it takes two years or more to regain your sanity from the devil.
When all hope is lost, lay down until you can get up. You will get up. It may not be tomorrow. The more complex the fall, the faster you learn and appreciate the wisdom and life you gained.
Athena, you are such a wise lady. You describe yourself as a psychopath, but nearly everything you have written pictures you as some of the most beautiful souls.
That was a nice read. Now let me ask: how many hours do you think you have played resident evil?
I enjoy reading your takes on games.( I became a gamer in my forties and wonder why I didn’t do it a long time ago. )
What do you get out of games, specifically RE? If it’s not emotional satisfaction of some kind, what is it? I don’t bother with the hard modes in anything because of the arbitrary crap that makes it hard. It’s not harder and the story is more complicated to make it that way, it’s just harder to kill and easier to be killed. So it irritates me. 😃
My qualm with those completionist rewards is how they typically involve doing extremely convoluted and challenging tasks to earn some kind of item that make the game ridiculously easy, at a time when you've already become ridiculously proficient. Seems a bit moot.
Other than that, I'm fully on board with the "fail faster" mentality. Lately I'm into challenging actiom platformers like Shovel Knight and Megaman, that often involve failing a level dozens (hundreds?) of times before one gets skilled enough to breeze through. I find it's really great way to practice temper control.
Dealing with failure becomes more and more impossible, if not downright impossible if you keep getting rejected from each job and not even offered an interview...
I didn't like this one, just saying. Other ones good