So true. I am always amazed by the superficial requirements people have of their circle. I favour integrity and an overlap of values and interests. Yet people will say, "Oh, Gary, yeah, he's a great guy", and I'm thinking, "No he's not, he's an arse, you just find him amusing".
Sure, its good to know and mix with all different types of people, makes life interesting and teaches one so much. I guess it comes down to definitions of what one considers a 'great' person, and that does seem to vary.
You know, from what you’ve written, you seen like a very valuable friend to have. I wish I had a friend who could see things through your lens. Everyone should have such a foil. :)
Neurotypical judgements rely closely on what they feel about things that you're doing and less on whether they're right or wrong. We need some more factual judges out there. Keeps everyone honest.
"Get yourself a friend that judges you like a psychopath. That neutral ground can really be freeing, or so I’m told." Athena, In my experience, I found this statement to be very true. It was one of the reasons I was attracted to the friend who judged me like a psychopath. It also gave me confidence in that he would reign me in if I became overly emotionally or concerned about things I should not. I was reminded of his perspective.
I don't have close friends. I have acquaintances, whom I appreciate and who come in handy, but not close friends. I haven't for years. I was a kid when I realized just how terrible that sounded to other people, as if I was committing some huge faux pas. They were constantly telling me to make friends, that it would be "good" for me.
I just didn't care. I like my own company, and my thoughts. I like the freedom of not having to consider other people all the time. And I don't understand how someone could prefer to spend their time with people who make them uncomfortable rather than just spending it alone.
I can relate to your perspective and view people in the same way- even being an empath. People cannot grasp it when someone doesn’t judge like they do. I have often been told I am insensitive because of my logical and non-emotional thoughts or reactionary words (I struggle to not be brutally honest and with impulses sometimes). I explain that I am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings (usually I am unaware in the moment that I am) and it wouldn’t hurt mine if it was said to me in the same tone. I guess, I treat others how I would like to be treated. It just sucks how dishonest most people are because 1 - they are concerned about feelings, 2 - they are non-committed to their truth and are unwilling to back up what they think logically, 3 - worried about how they will be viewed…
They take me at least a year but sometimes as long as 5 or so. It took me years to figure out that people can hold being fakes for a long time b4 they show their true selves .
I fell madly in love with a woman that I could be myself around at all times, and quickly came to the conclusion (aclinical guess) that she was a primary psychopath. I love (present tense) how driven, smart, tactical and free she is, but was gutted by how quickly she severed the relationship when my feelings became unmanageable to me. I still find these traits admirable though especially when used constructively. Very glad to understand the nature of your being and maybe hers.
Heres my question....in order to have a psycopath as a friend, (which would be great) im wondering how a person like me who is driven by emotion would become a psycopaths friend? I imagine id drive you crazy! Trust wouldn't be the issue because I know my take on loyalty and honesty but my relentless need for answers and my curiosity about damn near everything would drive a wedge in the friendship I would imagine. Unless psycopaths are extremely patient, and tolerate my need to be expressive, I dont think id stand a chance.
Interestingly, those that are high in emotion who know me personally have told me that their emotional volume goes down from being around me, and this change is seemingly permanent. It seems when their emotions are projected out, as in they are upset about something, but it isn't something that I see any reason to be upset by, those emotions go out, but aren't fed back in. It breaks the cycle, and leaves them in a place where they reevaluate their willingness to entertain high emotional responses.
So true. I am always amazed by the superficial requirements people have of their circle. I favour integrity and an overlap of values and interests. Yet people will say, "Oh, Gary, yeah, he's a great guy", and I'm thinking, "No he's not, he's an arse, you just find him amusing".
I know people like that. Good acquaintances to have around, but not great people to have in your circle.
Sure, its good to know and mix with all different types of people, makes life interesting and teaches one so much. I guess it comes down to definitions of what one considers a 'great' person, and that does seem to vary.
You know, from what you’ve written, you seen like a very valuable friend to have. I wish I had a friend who could see things through your lens. Everyone should have such a foil. :)
Neurotypical judgements rely closely on what they feel about things that you're doing and less on whether they're right or wrong. We need some more factual judges out there. Keeps everyone honest.
Agreed
Feels bad to me > is morally wrong > is wrong for others > is universally wrong > sky man doesn’t like it.
Is our automatic primate heuristic for determining moral philosophy.
Philosophy is hard work, moral even more so.
"Get yourself a friend that judges you like a psychopath. That neutral ground can really be freeing, or so I’m told." Athena, In my experience, I found this statement to be very true. It was one of the reasons I was attracted to the friend who judged me like a psychopath. It also gave me confidence in that he would reign me in if I became overly emotionally or concerned about things I should not. I was reminded of his perspective.
Seems like a good dude to have around
I don't have close friends. I have acquaintances, whom I appreciate and who come in handy, but not close friends. I haven't for years. I was a kid when I realized just how terrible that sounded to other people, as if I was committing some huge faux pas. They were constantly telling me to make friends, that it would be "good" for me.
I just didn't care. I like my own company, and my thoughts. I like the freedom of not having to consider other people all the time. And I don't understand how someone could prefer to spend their time with people who make them uncomfortable rather than just spending it alone.
I can relate to your perspective and view people in the same way- even being an empath. People cannot grasp it when someone doesn’t judge like they do. I have often been told I am insensitive because of my logical and non-emotional thoughts or reactionary words (I struggle to not be brutally honest and with impulses sometimes). I explain that I am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings (usually I am unaware in the moment that I am) and it wouldn’t hurt mine if it was said to me in the same tone. I guess, I treat others how I would like to be treated. It just sucks how dishonest most people are because 1 - they are concerned about feelings, 2 - they are non-committed to their truth and are unwilling to back up what they think logically, 3 - worried about how they will be viewed…
I agree. It would be a lot easier if people tried to be a bit more honest.
I’m a NT and I hate shallow connections. Such a waste of time.
Well you wanna be friends? Lol, but will a high functioning sociopath due? Wink.
Friendships for me take years to form.
They take me at least a year but sometimes as long as 5 or so. It took me years to figure out that people can hold being fakes for a long time b4 they show their true selves .
Looks like you'll need a couple more years to figure out that people NEVER actively or willingly show their true selves.
Maybe not intentionally, but ones self can and does show through.
I fell madly in love with a woman that I could be myself around at all times, and quickly came to the conclusion (aclinical guess) that she was a primary psychopath. I love (present tense) how driven, smart, tactical and free she is, but was gutted by how quickly she severed the relationship when my feelings became unmanageable to me. I still find these traits admirable though especially when used constructively. Very glad to understand the nature of your being and maybe hers.
I am glad my writing provides you some insight
Heres my question....in order to have a psycopath as a friend, (which would be great) im wondering how a person like me who is driven by emotion would become a psycopaths friend? I imagine id drive you crazy! Trust wouldn't be the issue because I know my take on loyalty and honesty but my relentless need for answers and my curiosity about damn near everything would drive a wedge in the friendship I would imagine. Unless psycopaths are extremely patient, and tolerate my need to be expressive, I dont think id stand a chance.
Interestingly, those that are high in emotion who know me personally have told me that their emotional volume goes down from being around me, and this change is seemingly permanent. It seems when their emotions are projected out, as in they are upset about something, but it isn't something that I see any reason to be upset by, those emotions go out, but aren't fed back in. It breaks the cycle, and leaves them in a place where they reevaluate their willingness to entertain high emotional responses.
That makes sense.. the equivalent to the slap
in the face to get someone to focus! Can we be friends? Lol!
Easier said than done lol
Spoken as a friend.
This is really good, liked it a lot
Excellent
A gay psycopath guy. Probably the best friend in the world to have! Lol
I would guess that a gay psychopath would be very different than a gay neurotypical.
Explains my past. Been told “ I keep you around because you are brutally honest “
Objectivity is gold! Someone in your life has to tell you the blunt truth.