I googled it. I think I’d like the old dog who narrates. Apparently the books were banned in some schools because of violence and mysticism in the stories.
Made me realize that being difficult is like being insane or smelling - in the sense that when one stops occasionally wondering whether they might be... it usually means they are.
And I really haven't been wondering much about how I too, can sometimes be difficult. Crickey.
I think I'm going to start using these techniques on myself, to begin with.
My Mistress would have said, had I failed, "If that is your best effort, quit trying. If it isn't, go practice until you look like a dancer. At least a passing resemblance, if nothing else."
When it comes down to people who are always mean there seem to be too many justifications for it. One of the main explanations is about bad parenting, what a difficult childhood they had, blah, blah. While that may be a contributing factor, I’ve long suspected that some people are mean and critical just because they like being that way, to see who they can intimidate. It’s just as simple as that.
Yep grandma was a narcissist. With you being who you are & your mother knowing it, it was like pay back to an insufferable woman who made your mother’s life miserable.
Unknowingly you served an excellent form of relief & entertainment for your mom when grandma decided to focus her grievances on you.
Glad your ex brother in law is in prison & your sister doesn’t share the misery he brought. Your ever changing story telling friend was trying to impress you. I think and could be wrong perhaps he was smitten with you.
I like your ballet Mistress.
Direct to the point and she’s in the business of making talented students. I suspect she admired your insatiable drive, and bring it attitude.
Lots of difficult people around. I’m very direct & to the point and don’t give a rats ass if they like me or not. And I do call them on the carpet when they become an ass.
Being adopted doesn’t make a difference because you grow up being you as you would if you hadn’t been adopted.
I had the opportunity to meet my biological mother and found out she was immature and a fruit loop.
Glad I was adopted.
The saying blood is thinker than water in my opinion is total bs.
Again good advice for dealing with difficult people. Bottom line your responsibility to yourself comes first.
I have never met my biological parents, but I have heard enough stories about those that have done so that are consistent with what you experienced. I have never had an interest in meeting mine, but if they ever came out of the woodwork, I would not have an interest.
Regarding thickness of blood... There's been studies on twins separated early on and raised in totally different environments. Those twins usually turned out very similar despite dissimilar nurture (with a caveat that some brain functions are very biologically determined, while others are actually environment dependant (attention span)).
That said, heredity is tricky so of course a child might be and also might not be at all a carbon copy of one or both parents. Sometimes they resemble a grandparent, sometimes a mutation or interesting interaction between two sets of genes happens and it is something entirely new.
And of course landing in a significantly inhospitable place, like abusive and negligent home or time of deprivation and danger, can mess up a person in ways (as in less connections between neurons e.g.) that differences between normal households do not.
And when it comes to loyalty and getting along, sometimes very similar temperaments (like a father like a son) end up clashing terribly precisely because of being so alike and there goes that thickness.
-when setting a boundary is received as defensive, why the hell does that even happen and what the hell are you supposed to do besides "peace out"
-living with pricks, best responses to their bullshit they try to drag me into. so far i have "what an interesting thing to say," "im surprised you're comfortable saying that out loud" and just exiting stage right. not the type of people you can reason with exactly, would love more logic centered ideas.
-hospital personnel or say anyone where there's a "power dynamic" who treat you like dogshit. a surprisingly large percentage of hospital personnel is not so nice. i won't be explicitly specific but yelling in my face post-seizures that i am faking it type not nice. (im epileptic)
i appreciate reading these because i can run those conversations back and practice by myself. and if i can practice, one day i presume i'll actually be able to go off script. might take some time, still would like to see it happen.
-when setting a boundary is received as defensive, why the hell does that even happen and what the hell are you supposed to do besides "peace out"
It obviously is defensive. Against whatever they wanted to take advantage of you for. The only reason to be annoyed about boundaries is that they cut off access to whatever it is that the person was after. Calling them "defensive" is a tell. How dare you build a wall that keeps me from robbing your house. How am I supposed to abscond with your stuff now?
-living with pricks, best responses to their bullshit they try to drag me into. so far i have "what an interesting thing to say," "im surprised you're comfortable saying that out loud" and just exiting stage right. not the type of people you can reason with exactly, would love more logic centered ideas.
My response would be:
"Yeah, I don't care about that." Flat tone, totally dismissive.
-hospital personnel or say anyone where there's a "power dynamic" who treat you like dogshit. a surprisingly large percentage of hospital personnel is not so nice. i won't be explicitly specific but yelling in my face post-seizures that i am faking it type not nice. (im epileptic)
That is a report to the hospital administrator. You aren't the only one they are speaking to like that, and they have no business near patients.
“What an interesting thing to say” or “That’s interesting” are recommended phrases for dealing with difficult people. It interrupts the train of thought and demonstrates that the manipulation isn’t being well received. (Apparently.)
I really like “Yeah, I don’t care about that.” Dismissive is my fall back position with people like this so it suits my natural style of response.
I remember as a kid, my dad told me, “Lose your temper, lose the argument.” I have a very tight hold on my anger now, I feel anger but I don’t show anger.
Nil response would quickly send my mum into orbit, full rant. Silence and a blank response can be very powerful. Not satisfying, but effective.
It’s funny how these types always choose things like vampire and werecat. They don’t choose hamster or bunny rabbit.
Could it be that the desire to be powerful, dark and mysterious creates the mental archetype and the magical thinking creates the rest?!
Bunnicula would be a far better choice. At least that was a good story. Dracula was good as well, but it's a bit played out in the fantasy scene.
Bunnicula. Oh that’s being added to my arsenal! There’s definitely mileage to be had out of Bunnicula haha!
It's actually a children's book, about a vampire bunny that sucks the juices out of vegetables and I think fruit as well. It's a cute story.
I googled it. I think I’d like the old dog who narrates. Apparently the books were banned in some schools because of violence and mysticism in the stories.
Sometimes I just despair.
That is a weird book to ban
This is a sobering article, which I appreciate.
Made me realize that being difficult is like being insane or smelling - in the sense that when one stops occasionally wondering whether they might be... it usually means they are.
And I really haven't been wondering much about how I too, can sometimes be difficult. Crickey.
I think I'm going to start using these techniques on myself, to begin with.
That's always a good place to start
So what if I’m flawed? Now that I know of it, I’ll just work on improving myself. Cheers!
When I was testing for 4th degree black belt my Master instructor told me “don’t make me look bad” and that was the perfect thing to tell me.
That's funny.
My Mistress would have said, had I failed, "If that is your best effort, quit trying. If it isn't, go practice until you look like a dancer. At least a passing resemblance, if nothing else."
When it comes down to people who are always mean there seem to be too many justifications for it. One of the main explanations is about bad parenting, what a difficult childhood they had, blah, blah. While that may be a contributing factor, I’ve long suspected that some people are mean and critical just because they like being that way, to see who they can intimidate. It’s just as simple as that.
Likely, you are correct
Good read,
Yep grandma was a narcissist. With you being who you are & your mother knowing it, it was like pay back to an insufferable woman who made your mother’s life miserable.
Unknowingly you served an excellent form of relief & entertainment for your mom when grandma decided to focus her grievances on you.
Glad your ex brother in law is in prison & your sister doesn’t share the misery he brought. Your ever changing story telling friend was trying to impress you. I think and could be wrong perhaps he was smitten with you.
I like your ballet Mistress.
Direct to the point and she’s in the business of making talented students. I suspect she admired your insatiable drive, and bring it attitude.
Lots of difficult people around. I’m very direct & to the point and don’t give a rats ass if they like me or not. And I do call them on the carpet when they become an ass.
Being adopted doesn’t make a difference because you grow up being you as you would if you hadn’t been adopted.
I had the opportunity to meet my biological mother and found out she was immature and a fruit loop.
Glad I was adopted.
The saying blood is thinker than water in my opinion is total bs.
Again good advice for dealing with difficult people. Bottom line your responsibility to yourself comes first.
I have never met my biological parents, but I have heard enough stories about those that have done so that are consistent with what you experienced. I have never had an interest in meeting mine, but if they ever came out of the woodwork, I would not have an interest.
Regarding thickness of blood... There's been studies on twins separated early on and raised in totally different environments. Those twins usually turned out very similar despite dissimilar nurture (with a caveat that some brain functions are very biologically determined, while others are actually environment dependant (attention span)).
That said, heredity is tricky so of course a child might be and also might not be at all a carbon copy of one or both parents. Sometimes they resemble a grandparent, sometimes a mutation or interesting interaction between two sets of genes happens and it is something entirely new.
And of course landing in a significantly inhospitable place, like abusive and negligent home or time of deprivation and danger, can mess up a person in ways (as in less connections between neurons e.g.) that differences between normal households do not.
And when it comes to loyalty and getting along, sometimes very similar temperaments (like a father like a son) end up clashing terribly precisely because of being so alike and there goes that thickness.
timely. dealing with a handful of difficult people now that are pmo. probably going to bullet point the suggestions.
If you have anything specific you want me to address, let me know. I can include it in the second part. I am writing it currently
ideas:
-when setting a boundary is received as defensive, why the hell does that even happen and what the hell are you supposed to do besides "peace out"
-living with pricks, best responses to their bullshit they try to drag me into. so far i have "what an interesting thing to say," "im surprised you're comfortable saying that out loud" and just exiting stage right. not the type of people you can reason with exactly, would love more logic centered ideas.
-hospital personnel or say anyone where there's a "power dynamic" who treat you like dogshit. a surprisingly large percentage of hospital personnel is not so nice. i won't be explicitly specific but yelling in my face post-seizures that i am faking it type not nice. (im epileptic)
i appreciate reading these because i can run those conversations back and practice by myself. and if i can practice, one day i presume i'll actually be able to go off script. might take some time, still would like to see it happen.
-when setting a boundary is received as defensive, why the hell does that even happen and what the hell are you supposed to do besides "peace out"
It obviously is defensive. Against whatever they wanted to take advantage of you for. The only reason to be annoyed about boundaries is that they cut off access to whatever it is that the person was after. Calling them "defensive" is a tell. How dare you build a wall that keeps me from robbing your house. How am I supposed to abscond with your stuff now?
-living with pricks, best responses to their bullshit they try to drag me into. so far i have "what an interesting thing to say," "im surprised you're comfortable saying that out loud" and just exiting stage right. not the type of people you can reason with exactly, would love more logic centered ideas.
My response would be:
"Yeah, I don't care about that." Flat tone, totally dismissive.
-hospital personnel or say anyone where there's a "power dynamic" who treat you like dogshit. a surprisingly large percentage of hospital personnel is not so nice. i won't be explicitly specific but yelling in my face post-seizures that i am faking it type not nice. (im epileptic)
That is a report to the hospital administrator. You aren't the only one they are speaking to like that, and they have no business near patients.
writing these down, ty
“What an interesting thing to say” or “That’s interesting” are recommended phrases for dealing with difficult people. It interrupts the train of thought and demonstrates that the manipulation isn’t being well received. (Apparently.)
I really like “Yeah, I don’t care about that.” Dismissive is my fall back position with people like this so it suits my natural style of response.
I remember as a kid, my dad told me, “Lose your temper, lose the argument.” I have a very tight hold on my anger now, I feel anger but I don’t show anger.
Nil response would quickly send my mum into orbit, full rant. Silence and a blank response can be very powerful. Not satisfying, but effective.