What you have written in this post is powerful. If only we each could fulfill this approach. Mankind would be in a better world. Thank you, again and always, for writing.
Very true! It actually astounds me almost daily how vitriolic people can become, when defending their views! Sometimes, it’s as if their very essence is being threatened with brimstone and hellfire! I think that there is this notion people have, that they are nothing more than their beliefs - that this defines their very being, and without these - they would crumble or shatter into fragments!
We all are constantly expanding our knowledge every day, and when somebody seizes on a theory; shakes it around as a dog would, tearing into a bone - it only makes others wonder: ‘If they truly believe in what they are saying, why the need to defend it as if their very life is at stake?’
This post reminds me of stuff I've been reading on The Lucifer Effect, which I might have learned about from one of your blogs. If my source wasn't you, I'm sure you would find it interesting.
I relate to the statement of false facts and checking someone on it or being checked yourself. It is even more complicated for me with bpd because I’m both sides of the coin at the same time splitting to one or the other depending on whether emotion drags me kicking and screaming away from logic or I stay calm. Also I loved the part about confronting misinformation etc by offering a dignified way out I do this often on a daily basis but what’s so fucking aggravating is that it seems 99 percent of people either don’t recognize your offering that route or they see it as a slight and take it offensively anyway
You can’t win or in my current aggravated state it seems so lol so obvious I see it myself. Anyway again good work Athena very intuitive
Excellent post. If only such communication were possible. I fear it is no longer, and the situations to which you refer obliquely have been a huge source of physical and psychological distress to me lately. You are absolutely right, many people have no idea what they are wishing for or what that will mean. It's a danger that comes with not having a broad perspective, it's flying blind. Add in the cynical exploiting of people's emotions and here we are.
I think I have underestimated the extent to which people find being wrong upsetting, especially if it is a trivial matter and not part of their deep identity. My own approach is that yes, it feels awful, but it is important to take it on the chin because truth matters more than temporary embarrassment. With that in mind though, I am not a gloater, and do my best to assure people that I am not out to humiliate or judge them, but just want to be able to communicate on the same page, because truth and shared understanding matters more than some silly pleasure in being right. There is no delight in that for me, I am surprised that it is such a delight to some. I wish those conversations were not ever necessary, it would be so much less hassle.
Unfortunately, I have found that treading gently around people's feelings about their factual incorrectness is not always enough to make them feel that they have an out, because however sincere you are, however neutral, however delicate, you will STILL be ascribed motives and feelings that you just don't have ie. a desire to 'triumph' and put someone down. And they will not budge, and do the equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and singing la la la. No I don't need to open the curtains to see, I tell you it's not raining. At that point I can only conclude that their ego is so fragile that this dysfunctional defensiveness is the best they can manage. It's hard then not to judge, but I haven't lived their lives so I can't truly know why they are like that.
You are so right on with this one. I couldn't agree more. Plus being right is often less important then being understanding, or being a good friend. People don't seem to get thant anymore.. plus when you're wrong it's so easy to say"my bad" or I stand corrected . I guess it depends on your values .
This post reflects on wisdom of biblical tale about Prodigal Son. Returning back proven wrong is hard enough in itself, so how about being welcoming...
And other times it hints at existence of parntal favoritism. :D
What you have written in this post is powerful. If only we each could fulfill this approach. Mankind would be in a better world. Thank you, again and always, for writing.
Very true! It actually astounds me almost daily how vitriolic people can become, when defending their views! Sometimes, it’s as if their very essence is being threatened with brimstone and hellfire! I think that there is this notion people have, that they are nothing more than their beliefs - that this defines their very being, and without these - they would crumble or shatter into fragments!
We all are constantly expanding our knowledge every day, and when somebody seizes on a theory; shakes it around as a dog would, tearing into a bone - it only makes others wonder: ‘If they truly believe in what they are saying, why the need to defend it as if their very life is at stake?’
This post reminds me of stuff I've been reading on The Lucifer Effect, which I might have learned about from one of your blogs. If my source wasn't you, I'm sure you would find it interesting.
I relate to the statement of false facts and checking someone on it or being checked yourself. It is even more complicated for me with bpd because I’m both sides of the coin at the same time splitting to one or the other depending on whether emotion drags me kicking and screaming away from logic or I stay calm. Also I loved the part about confronting misinformation etc by offering a dignified way out I do this often on a daily basis but what’s so fucking aggravating is that it seems 99 percent of people either don’t recognize your offering that route or they see it as a slight and take it offensively anyway
You can’t win or in my current aggravated state it seems so lol so obvious I see it myself. Anyway again good work Athena very intuitive
Excellent post. If only such communication were possible. I fear it is no longer, and the situations to which you refer obliquely have been a huge source of physical and psychological distress to me lately. You are absolutely right, many people have no idea what they are wishing for or what that will mean. It's a danger that comes with not having a broad perspective, it's flying blind. Add in the cynical exploiting of people's emotions and here we are.
I think I have underestimated the extent to which people find being wrong upsetting, especially if it is a trivial matter and not part of their deep identity. My own approach is that yes, it feels awful, but it is important to take it on the chin because truth matters more than temporary embarrassment. With that in mind though, I am not a gloater, and do my best to assure people that I am not out to humiliate or judge them, but just want to be able to communicate on the same page, because truth and shared understanding matters more than some silly pleasure in being right. There is no delight in that for me, I am surprised that it is such a delight to some. I wish those conversations were not ever necessary, it would be so much less hassle.
Unfortunately, I have found that treading gently around people's feelings about their factual incorrectness is not always enough to make them feel that they have an out, because however sincere you are, however neutral, however delicate, you will STILL be ascribed motives and feelings that you just don't have ie. a desire to 'triumph' and put someone down. And they will not budge, and do the equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and singing la la la. No I don't need to open the curtains to see, I tell you it's not raining. At that point I can only conclude that their ego is so fragile that this dysfunctional defensiveness is the best they can manage. It's hard then not to judge, but I haven't lived their lives so I can't truly know why they are like that.
You are so right on with this one. I couldn't agree more. Plus being right is often less important then being understanding, or being a good friend. People don't seem to get thant anymore.. plus when you're wrong it's so easy to say"my bad" or I stand corrected . I guess it depends on your values .
This post reflects on wisdom of biblical tale about Prodigal Son. Returning back proven wrong is hard enough in itself, so how about being welcoming...
And other times it hints at existence of parntal favoritism. :D