May 20, 2022·edited May 20, 2022Liked by Athena Walker
My parents believed that I have anger issues. What they have seen is those occasions when I didn't have my mask up. I was never angry at all when I was being told to "just calm down" and I'd tell them that they were just being annoying and it wasn't addressing whatever imaginary issue that they believed had come up.
I am serious about that imaginary issue thing, neurotypicals seem to get very emotional about things that are totally irrelevant to someone like myself
What would society be like if psychopathy, instead of neurotypicality was the norm? I understand that we wouldn't have a lot of problems we have now, like racism , bigotry and what not. But could there be newer problems?
If you were able to relax--but not completely remove--your mask, which aspects of it would you want to take off first? Not asking for details about your specific relationship here (because the answer would be tailored to your specific SO) but rather a generic, theoretical one. In other words, what parts of the mask are the most effort to maintain?
Athena, there are of course things that I am still trying to get my head around with your experience. You mention times when you are 'not pleased' with something. You have also spoken about losing you animals and how that was, if I remember correctly, the most 'not pleasant' thing you have ever had to do. Perhaps you think it is obvious what 'not pleased' means for you, the extent of your preferences, but it isn't really, I'd like to know more. As you have so few negative feelings, this is something I am trying to understand. You have physical pain (diminished), boredom (righto), and 'not pleased'/don't prefer. And that's about it. I am wanting to understand just how not pleasing not pleased is. It is not enough to cause you any actual suffering. OK, I am looking for parallels. I imagine some fantasy person with a condition that makes them utterly indifferent to everything, good or bad. But that is not psychopathy, you habe preferences. It may happen with some sort of brain injury, I don't know. And yet neurotypical suffering isn't there either. So I am thinking, is your 'not pleased' the equivalent of a neurotypical ending up with their second choice of dessert, which will barely register as a negative? Somehow I don't think so. It must be more or you wouldn't seek out a particular kind of life. Or maybe that's it exactly, I dont know. I would be extremely interested if at some time you were to address the extent and the character and flavour of such negative experiences as you have. Failed plans, unwilling detention, 'disappointments', whatever has happened to you that you would rather hadn't, however mildly you may feel that. Perhaps it is an impossible task to explain such subjective experience. But if it is possible for you to try, I would be very interested.
I'm autistic and I also have no time for the emotional manipulation that nt's and even some others (like my ex with ADD) employ, just tell me what your damn problem is so we can move forward.
Also, the touching thing, why with all the touching? Personally, if I'm busy, touching me is just going to piss me off. Otherwise, 90% of the time I'd rather not be touched. Unless I'm seeking or giving affection or comfort or showing/receptive to sexual interest, I don't want to be touched and I won't think to touch somone else either unless it's one of those situations.
I can also get the, just because I do it for you doesn't mean I want it thing. My ex with ADD wanted to touch all the time and he could never get that not only did I not like being touched, but that it was unpleasant for me unless I wanted and expected (aka had time to prepare myself for) touch. It's like you want me to touch you, sure fine, but stop touching me back, I don't like it!
One of the most frustrating things for me is the excessive apologies NT’s produce. “Sorry...” seems more something to convey a temporary feeling moreso than a promise to modify behavior. Handed out like candy. Absolutely unnecessary 90% of the time and when it is necessary, it’s an empty promise.
My parents believed that I have anger issues. What they have seen is those occasions when I didn't have my mask up. I was never angry at all when I was being told to "just calm down" and I'd tell them that they were just being annoying and it wasn't addressing whatever imaginary issue that they believed had come up.
I am serious about that imaginary issue thing, neurotypicals seem to get very emotional about things that are totally irrelevant to someone like myself
What would society be like if psychopathy, instead of neurotypicality was the norm? I understand that we wouldn't have a lot of problems we have now, like racism , bigotry and what not. But could there be newer problems?
If you were able to relax--but not completely remove--your mask, which aspects of it would you want to take off first? Not asking for details about your specific relationship here (because the answer would be tailored to your specific SO) but rather a generic, theoretical one. In other words, what parts of the mask are the most effort to maintain?
Athena, there are of course things that I am still trying to get my head around with your experience. You mention times when you are 'not pleased' with something. You have also spoken about losing you animals and how that was, if I remember correctly, the most 'not pleasant' thing you have ever had to do. Perhaps you think it is obvious what 'not pleased' means for you, the extent of your preferences, but it isn't really, I'd like to know more. As you have so few negative feelings, this is something I am trying to understand. You have physical pain (diminished), boredom (righto), and 'not pleased'/don't prefer. And that's about it. I am wanting to understand just how not pleasing not pleased is. It is not enough to cause you any actual suffering. OK, I am looking for parallels. I imagine some fantasy person with a condition that makes them utterly indifferent to everything, good or bad. But that is not psychopathy, you habe preferences. It may happen with some sort of brain injury, I don't know. And yet neurotypical suffering isn't there either. So I am thinking, is your 'not pleased' the equivalent of a neurotypical ending up with their second choice of dessert, which will barely register as a negative? Somehow I don't think so. It must be more or you wouldn't seek out a particular kind of life. Or maybe that's it exactly, I dont know. I would be extremely interested if at some time you were to address the extent and the character and flavour of such negative experiences as you have. Failed plans, unwilling detention, 'disappointments', whatever has happened to you that you would rather hadn't, however mildly you may feel that. Perhaps it is an impossible task to explain such subjective experience. But if it is possible for you to try, I would be very interested.
This post is "right on target" . . . again, you have nailed it Athena!
I'm autistic and I also have no time for the emotional manipulation that nt's and even some others (like my ex with ADD) employ, just tell me what your damn problem is so we can move forward.
Also, the touching thing, why with all the touching? Personally, if I'm busy, touching me is just going to piss me off. Otherwise, 90% of the time I'd rather not be touched. Unless I'm seeking or giving affection or comfort or showing/receptive to sexual interest, I don't want to be touched and I won't think to touch somone else either unless it's one of those situations.
I can also get the, just because I do it for you doesn't mean I want it thing. My ex with ADD wanted to touch all the time and he could never get that not only did I not like being touched, but that it was unpleasant for me unless I wanted and expected (aka had time to prepare myself for) touch. It's like you want me to touch you, sure fine, but stop touching me back, I don't like it!
One of the most frustrating things for me is the excessive apologies NT’s produce. “Sorry...” seems more something to convey a temporary feeling moreso than a promise to modify behavior. Handed out like candy. Absolutely unnecessary 90% of the time and when it is necessary, it’s an empty promise.
And here's me imagining a whole post's worth of subjective description. Oh well, if that's all there is to it, so be it!
Emotional manipulation has been the bane of my existence. One gets real tired after thousands of rounds of it.