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KB - warrior's avatar

I have been labeled as being manipulative - always with a negative connotation - most of my life. I have struggled to understand why I am regarded in a negative way, but have learned to just accept that many (mostly family) have an inability or unwillingness to comprehend that my raw (and I guess brutal) honesty is not laced with hidden meaning. I am usually very forthcoming and always direct when I want something from somebody. I struggle with being told no without an explanation as this was the norm for me growing up. I am good with logic and factual reasoning, not illogical emotional responses or power struggles. I incorporate strategy and presentation when approaching a person I want something from but always direct and offer a reasonable trade. If I want something bad enough I will counter their rejection - just as you, my approach is a direct negotiation. I view every interaction with people as a lesson or opportunity. I was very shutoff from my emotions for the majority of my life as they were annoying and got in the way of me moving forward. I did not like how sadness felt and saw in others how it could manifest into something ugly and debilitating so I consciously avoided or redirected from it. That was until I became pregnant with my daughter. Holy cow was that an emotional roller coaster I could not control. It was strange to move from one state to another (laughing one minute to crying the next because I felt bad for something or somebody’s struggle - ick!) I have regained my composure, but that empathy has not left me since (11 yrs now) and has rooted deeper. It is an interesting endeavor these days to debate logic and emotion in my head and has slowed my interest in my use of people on many levels. We all use people in one way or the other. Every interaction is a learning experience. The people around you should benefit you in some way and you should benefit them just as much. Apparently (according to some of my family members - who have benefitted greatly from me) my approach is unacceptable. I just laugh and sometimes test my theory that they view me as a threat or powerful or something that needs to be defeated and will covertly manipulate a situation with them to benefit me. It works every time and is something they are comfortable with. It is so incredibly odd to me, but eye opening.

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Pedro Cardoso's avatar

" Instead of seeing each interaction as a negotiation, you see it as an essay on the other person’s regard for you." This is the good stuff. Looking forward to part 2.

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