Athena, I have the same thoughts when it comes to photographs. I have never had a photo album nor do I care about video or pictures of places I visit or the people in my travel group. Things, places, people are fine where they are. I think I am neurotypical but I find myself sharing experiences such as this with those who say they are psychopathic. I don't keep photographs, really! I am content right here, right now. And why do people stuff or pepper themselves in masterpieces of art and nature is beyond me. There is one me. I have no need to make copies and send my image out to the world. What a mess!
That was a terrific article! I am in awe of the your thought patterns and the ability you have to describe them so well. I don't believe many individuals who have psychopathy are as "in touch" with themselves as you, let alone able to enunciate the reality of their different brain formation.
I had a conversation about memory coding with an acquaintance who is a neuropsychologist recently. They said several interesting things. First is that emotions have two forms: emotional reactions and emotional states. One is that, a reaction, triggered by something and short-lived and another is an emotion still experienced after the initial trigger is already long irrelevant. In healthy neurotypicals emotions are experienced in the form of reactions and then forgotten, not affecting the memories too. It’s how it’s supposed to work. They added that an emotion is a mental phenomena that doesn’t have a past tense, meaning that it can only occur and be triggered in the moment. Healthy neurotypicals’ memories from what they said works like yours, but neurotypicals have an ability to get traumatized and be otherwise deeply affected, so some of their reactions turn into states and some memories get “emotionally coded”, though not literally. The reaction to such memories is triggered anew every time and isn’t engraved in the memories themselves.
As for the pictures with them in beautiful places and with friends, I didn’t know people take them to save good memories.
This gives me a lot to think about. I'm not sure it is necessarily 'unhealthy to experience emotion outside the moment, but certainly it can be troubling and haunting and potentially pathological when these states go on and on....
Well I'm conflicted here. For so long I have lovingly photographed the world and not wanted my ordinary self included in the picture on the basis that it was jarring, yes. But as time goes on I have started to see my photos as sterile, no more meaningful than something aesthetic off Google Images, and I wish I was there in front of the Whatever Amazing Place, and I increasingly treasure those few that do include me, in zip-off travel pants and Tevas and greasy hair, in front of remote wonders. I got it wrong (for me) and regret it.
In some regards, yes. However, in other way, it is better. I can recall things from earlier than supposedly I should be able to. I have clear memories of certain things I did when I was three for instance, but in other ways, it's not great.
I too can recall things from when I was three, not so much things I did but things I realized and decided -- and also the toxic events that I experienced. (And I'm very clearly an NT.) Mostly what I remember is the ways I came to understand and cope with aspects of my childhood that were toxic/traumatic, alongside the memories of the toxic events themselves, which have very strong emotional encodings.
For instance, I remember lying in bed and thinking my parents didn't know how to be parents. I remember deciding "to wait until I grew up to grow up" -- which of course is impossible. But heck, I was three at the time.
I also have visual memories from when I was 2, and another from when I was only 6 months old. And a body memory from 2.5 (a traumatic event that I don't explicitly remember, only my emotional reaction to it, namely a bodily feeling of crying and crying and nobody coming -- which I learned about 25 years later actually happened when I was 2.5 years old).
Intriguingly, I have recently been doing work with memory reconsolidation, which is a technique for rewriting the emotional reaction to the toxic events. It doesn't change one's memory of the facts of what happened. It does change how one feels about and becomes no longer triggered by those events.
Yes it was, and it's taken a lifetime (I just had my 75th birthday). Often, one step of peeling back a layer of the onion revealed yet another way that the toxicity had more depth and impact than I'd realized.
Athena, I have the same thoughts when it comes to photographs. I have never had a photo album nor do I care about video or pictures of places I visit or the people in my travel group. Things, places, people are fine where they are. I think I am neurotypical but I find myself sharing experiences such as this with those who say they are psychopathic. I don't keep photographs, really! I am content right here, right now. And why do people stuff or pepper themselves in masterpieces of art and nature is beyond me. There is one me. I have no need to make copies and send my image out to the world. What a mess!
You sound very similar to me in this regard. Both in the photography aspect, and living in the moment aspect. Most people are not able to do that.
That was a terrific article! I am in awe of the your thought patterns and the ability you have to describe them so well. I don't believe many individuals who have psychopathy are as "in touch" with themselves as you, let alone able to enunciate the reality of their different brain formation.
I am very thankful for your contributions.
Thank you for reading, NB
I had a conversation about memory coding with an acquaintance who is a neuropsychologist recently. They said several interesting things. First is that emotions have two forms: emotional reactions and emotional states. One is that, a reaction, triggered by something and short-lived and another is an emotion still experienced after the initial trigger is already long irrelevant. In healthy neurotypicals emotions are experienced in the form of reactions and then forgotten, not affecting the memories too. It’s how it’s supposed to work. They added that an emotion is a mental phenomena that doesn’t have a past tense, meaning that it can only occur and be triggered in the moment. Healthy neurotypicals’ memories from what they said works like yours, but neurotypicals have an ability to get traumatized and be otherwise deeply affected, so some of their reactions turn into states and some memories get “emotionally coded”, though not literally. The reaction to such memories is triggered anew every time and isn’t engraved in the memories themselves.
As for the pictures with them in beautiful places and with friends, I didn’t know people take them to save good memories.
That is really interesting
This gives me a lot to think about. I'm not sure it is necessarily 'unhealthy to experience emotion outside the moment, but certainly it can be troubling and haunting and potentially pathological when these states go on and on....
Made me want coffee, lol
Mwhahahaha... my evil plan is coming to fruition
Lol
Well I'm conflicted here. For so long I have lovingly photographed the world and not wanted my ordinary self included in the picture on the basis that it was jarring, yes. But as time goes on I have started to see my photos as sterile, no more meaningful than something aesthetic off Google Images, and I wish I was there in front of the Whatever Amazing Place, and I increasingly treasure those few that do include me, in zip-off travel pants and Tevas and greasy hair, in front of remote wonders. I got it wrong (for me) and regret it.
It makes sense then to be in those photos so that they suit you to the best of their abilities.
Emotion has shown to be a factor for an experience being stored in the long-term memory. Do you find that your memory is worse than typical NTs?
In some regards, yes. However, in other way, it is better. I can recall things from earlier than supposedly I should be able to. I have clear memories of certain things I did when I was three for instance, but in other ways, it's not great.
I too can recall things from when I was three, not so much things I did but things I realized and decided -- and also the toxic events that I experienced. (And I'm very clearly an NT.) Mostly what I remember is the ways I came to understand and cope with aspects of my childhood that were toxic/traumatic, alongside the memories of the toxic events themselves, which have very strong emotional encodings.
For instance, I remember lying in bed and thinking my parents didn't know how to be parents. I remember deciding "to wait until I grew up to grow up" -- which of course is impossible. But heck, I was three at the time.
I also have visual memories from when I was 2, and another from when I was only 6 months old. And a body memory from 2.5 (a traumatic event that I don't explicitly remember, only my emotional reaction to it, namely a bodily feeling of crying and crying and nobody coming -- which I learned about 25 years later actually happened when I was 2.5 years old).
Intriguingly, I have recently been doing work with memory reconsolidation, which is a technique for rewriting the emotional reaction to the toxic events. It doesn't change one's memory of the facts of what happened. It does change how one feels about and becomes no longer triggered by those events.
That sounds like a very trying thing to have to go through, both the events, and having to work through them later on.
And thank you.
Yes it was, and it's taken a lifetime (I just had my 75th birthday). Often, one step of peeling back a layer of the onion revealed yet another way that the toxicity had more depth and impact than I'd realized.