Procrastination

Such an easy trap to fall into...

Photo by Radoslav Bali on Unsplash

I think everyone procrastinates, but not a lot of people really look at it more deeply than putting something off until you feel more like doing it, but there is a lot more to it than that.

I can procrastinate better than most. I never have an external motivating factor that propels me to do anything in particular. If left to my own devices and not having some rather strict discipline over myself, things in my life would never get done.

For me, all aspects of life that I could procrastinate over aren’t hampered by things like emotions. I simply don’t want to do whatever that thing is because I would rather do something else that currently has my attention. This can be a significant issue for me, and because I prefer a life that is not unnecessarily complicated I force myself to do the things that do not hold my interest before I get to do anything that I would actually enjoy.

Procrastination for me is always going to be about preference, never dread, indecision, fear, or any other negative emotion that keeps neurotypicals from doing things that they need to do. I have noticed something, both in my own life, and that of neurotypicals, if things that we do not want to do are delayed, then problems accumulate to unreasonable degrees.

Now, in my case, this results in something like too much fur in the house, a pile of dishes in the sink, piled up dust, or not having called my family in several months. None of these things are untenable situations for me. Granted, my family would have preferred I call, but they have a phone too, so that’s on both of us. The rest of it is inconvenient, but not something that can’t be fixed with me simply putting in the effort to get things righted and then keeping them there.

However, this may not be the case in situations that you put off because you emotionally aren’t ready to deal with them, or simply refuse to. These are the circumstances that can pile up and make life untenable because problems have compounded on one another and are now a massive mess that you see no way out of.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I understand the emotions that prevent you from addressing what needs to be addressed. I don’t, and there is no reason to pretend that I do. What I can point out is if you have something that you are reluctant to do, it is something that you should address sooner rather than later. My friend who is both an antipsychopath, and a sage has yet another saying:

“What you fear most is what you need to do next.”

This is a saying that is largely lost on me, and because of that he made me my own version:

“Ignoring what you need to do doesn’t make it go away.”

We have had discussions about avoiding things due to those things inducing a very unpleasant emotional state when they are thought about. He came to the conclusion years ago that allowing those things to pile up and intertwine into a monster had caused him more harm in the long run. This brings me to the point of this post.

As much as you might not want to deal with that emotional state that you prefer to avoid, avoidance simply feeds problems. One small thing, or even a moderately sized thing, can become life-destroying when not dealt with at the time it first presented itself.

I see this very often with health problems. Someone has something new going on, and they worry about it so they mention it, but when advised that they should get it checked out by a doctor they reply:

“I don’t want to find out I have cancer.”

…I’m sorry, what?

I get it, no one wants cancer, but when have you ever heard a success case in cancer where the doctor said, “It’s a good thing that they waited and let it get entrenched in multiple organs, their lymph system, and their brain. That was really what laid the groundwork for this full remission.”

Literally never. If you think that you might have cancer, go find out immediately and handle it. Why on earth would you think that waiting was the ticket to a long and healthy life? Not to mention, chances are you’re fine and don’t have cancer. It’s probably something benign, but even if you are properly catastrophizing the situation, it serves you better to go to the doctor now instead of waiting.

Health is just one of the things that I have seen delays causing problems. Another would be when you have a problem with a friend, but choose not to say anything until it blows up into a massive fight repleat with built up anger about something that could have been handled through a calm, albeit uncomfortable conversation. Instead, here you are, screaming at your best friend, or they are screaming at you about things that you did to one another ten years ago because neither of you could have a conversation that would have saved you this trouble.

Granted, I have seen this more with females than I have with males. The men I have observed have no problem calling out their idiot friends and punching them in the face if they cross a line that they understood would get them punched if they chose to cross it. However, I have seen men be less willing to intervene when their friends need someone to pull them back from behavior that will have a negative outcome.

Specifically I have seen this when a guy has gone through something like the end of a marriage and he’s drinking more than he should to cope with the stress. Sometimes friends intervene in the beginning, but I have also seen the mentality of letting him work through it without getting involved, only to regret it later when something happens because the drinking went unchecked.

These are just a couple of examples, and the message is to not let things continue to compound upon themselves. Address the smaller uncomfortable problem so you aren’t having to face down the demon that it can morph into when allowed to fester. Uncomfortable emotions don’t become less uncomfortable if you ignore something. They become nightmares that you now have no choice but to deal with.

Personally, I have a rule with my friends. I recommend adopting it if you prefer to not have a bunch of drama in your life that is unnecessary.

If they have a problem with me, tell me right away. I won’t be mad about it, I will just hear what they have to say, mull it over, ask my Significant Other if he agrees with their assessment, and if so, why, and then figure out what the best course of action is to correct the problem.

Likewise, if I have an issue with them I will tell them immediately. I have no interest in allowing things to become gangrenous problems. My reasoning for having this rule is because I know that it is a habit of many neurotypicals to allow something to bother them until they explode on the person. Once that degree of upset is reached it is in no way a rational conversation, it is now going to be a personal attack. I find these exhausting, and strongly suggest to my friends that this is not an avenue they want to explore with me.

I am sure that in your life you have met at least one of the people in this world that seems to have literally everything in their lives go wrong, but once you start really paying attention you are able to see that this isn’t them being a perpetual victim. Instead, it is a nonstop cascade of bad decisions, avoidance of responsibility, and allowing things to take on a life of their own instead of addressing them when they arise. Dealing with this sort of person is tiresome. They never seem to find their own fault with the place their lives have ended up, but certainly would like you to alter your life to help them out.

It isn’t a coincidence that their lives are quite difficult. It is a pattern of behavior, and the result of a life designed to fail because the person is perpetually unwilling to solve issues when they pop up, and never want to have the burden of having to live a life of a grownup.

Many times I have heard someone complain that CPS was going to take their children because of some imagined abuse that never happened. It certainly isn’t their fault that the teacher at school reported the parent because the kid has lice again, hasn’t had a bath for three weeks, and is stealing food at school because they’re hungry. It isn’t their fault that they had parenting classes that they had to attend to keep custody, that they had to make sure that the child was fed, and they knew where the kid was at midnight. It’s everyone else’s fault that they will show up tomorrow and take the kid to a foster home.

This is an extreme example, but many of the problems could have been avoided should those individuals simply not allowed a singular problem to evolve into a catastrophe. Of course, there is also the aspect of absolute refusal of personal responsibility as well, let us not forget that.

There is no reason for it to get to that point. There is no reason to allow an illness to take over your life. There is no reason to have a screaming match with a friend. There is no reason to allow bad decisions, procrastination, and avoidance of uncomfortable or unpleasant things accumulate bad outcomes, and yet that is what people do on a regular basis.

There is no reason to avoid doing what you know you need to do when what you need to do is perhaps difficult, but manageable. Don’t allow it to become Sisyphean and entirely out of your control. Don’t wait until you feel a certain way to handle things because you can keep telling yourself a million excuses, but all you are doing is creating unwinnable circumstances for the future you to deal with.