Eye of the Storm

Share this post
Psychopaths, Friends, and Questionable Moderation Decisions.
athenawalker.substack.com

Psychopaths, Friends, and Questionable Moderation Decisions.

A sort of cross post from Quora

Athena Walker
Oct 6, 2021
18
15
Share this post
Psychopaths, Friends, and Questionable Moderation Decisions.
athenawalker.substack.com

This is an unintentional bonus post.

I answered a particular question on Quora yesterday, and that question has been subsequently deleted, so I will just post it here. Originally I considered making it a crosspost, but now that it has been deleted, it will be a standalone here on Substack.

Quora’s loss, Substack’s gain I suppose.

Can psychopaths have friends? Can they care about another for others’ sake, instead of their own? Can another person be worth something to them, even if they gain nothing from them?

I have friends. They rock. Fun to be around, intelligent, engaging, etc. Hell, one of them is even a psychopath as well.

I don’t know what about being a psychopath means that we aren’t able to have friends. Perhaps instead of this being about the psychopath, this is more your understanding of what it means to have friends.

I can’t help but notice the next thing you ask about is an emotional question.

Can a psychopath “care about another for others sake, instead of their own.”

No, but you can’t either. You think that you can because you have chemicals in your brain that are telling you so. In reality, those chemicals are there to ensure you stay around other people, because if you don’t, you will die. You will die from being eaten by wolves, or you will die because your emotional brain is an open circuit that requires other people in order to be healthy enough to function. This is a byproduct of living in tribes for all of eternity until last week, and there is nothing you can do about it. Your caring for that other person, ultimately is a self serving act. Not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.

Not exactly what you think of when you think of your bonds with your friends, but the long and short of it is, you having feelings about someone, does not mean that you are any better at being friends than I am.

What is friendship? Is it the emotions? I don’t think so, and in fact I see the emotional aspects of friendships cause a lot of problems. Friendship is about action. Do you think your friend is going to be all warm and fuzzy because you are sitting in front of your TV having feelings for them? They have no idea. They’re home, living their lives, not reading your mind and experiencing your warm fuzzies.

No. For them to know you have to do something. Unless your feelings instruct you to pick up the phone and ask them what is going on, how they are, etc, your feeling means diddly squat. Sure, nice sentiment, but not actually useful. You have to do something in order for those feelings to have an impact on your friend.

That is my form of “care”. I invest in the people around me. Can I bond with them? No. No psychopath can. Can I invest in them? Show cognitive love for them? Sure can, and I am pretty good at doing it. I imagine you are wondering what I mean by cognitive love, and investment, and here is that information:

Eye of the Storm
Psychopathy and Love
Psychopaths don’t feel love of any kind. Chemical love, regardless of who or what it is directed at is an oxytocin necessitative emotion. If you don’t process oxytocin, you don’t feel chemical love, bonding, trust, jealousy, and several other weird things as well such as facial recognition and memory…
Read more
a year ago · 9 likes · 11 comments · Athena Walker

Does that mean I am the bestist nifftiest superest friend around? No. Being friends with me is work for most people, and it is not for the faint of heart. You have to be pretty self confident to know that my lack of calling you on a daily basis is not a reflection on your value. If you need me, I’m there. For those closest to me, I will burn the world down for them.

It has nothing to do with how I feel, it has to do with how I am. Friendships can be very challenging when it comes to dealing with a person that is psychopathic. So long as the other person is aware however, and there is conversations had between them to know what is necessary, what is possible, what to expect, and what not to, then it can work out for both sides.

That is provided that we are compatible as people to begin with.

Now for your last question:

Can another person be worth something to them, even if they gain nothing from them?

Nope, but again, you can’t either. You wouldn’t be friends with a rock, would you? No. Why? Because one, you aren’t six, and two, it would be pointless. You can’t get anything from that rock. You have needs, and the friendships that you cultivate are going to be based on those needs. You are seeking things from your friendships, just like everyone else. You seem to have this notion that friendships are some magical thing, where no one needs anything, everyone is selfless, and it’s a love fest.

That isn’t friendships, that’s fantasy. All friendships are based on you and the other person getting something out of one another. Just because your “something” is emotional, it doesn’t make it sacrosanct. It’s just as self serving as my requirements that my friends be engaging, interesting, entertaining, intelligent, fun to be around, etc.

Eye of the Storm

The world filtered through the lens of psychopathy. Strange and mysterious stories. Other weird and interesting things.
By Athena Walker

Share

Share Eye of the Storm

15
Share this post
Psychopaths, Friends, and Questionable Moderation Decisions.
athenawalker.substack.com
15 Comments

Create your profile

0 subscriptions will be displayed on your profile (edit)

Skip for now

Only paid subscribers can comment on this post

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in

Check your email

For your security, we need to re-authenticate you.

Click the link we sent to , or click here to sign in.

Angela
Oct 6, 2021Liked by Athena Walker

It took a psychologist to explain this to me.

I was talking about a friendship that was really difficult to maintain, painful, lots of control/abuse type things.

She said "What are you getting out of this friendship?" I said "Huh? You aren't supposed to get anything, that's wrong, it's what you give them".

Gosh, that sounds dumb now. But we had to talk through how everyone has needs and we become friends, or more, to satisfy those needs. That there is a purpose to it.

Therefore, if the friendship is more pain than affection, it should be ended.

And how much better life is without that kind of "friend".

Expand full comment
ReplyCollapse
2 replies by Athena Walker and others
Wyn Snow
Oct 6, 2021Liked by Athena Walker

Friends with a rock -- awesome concept.

Expand full comment
ReplyCollapse
13 more comments…
TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2022 Athena Walker
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Publish on Substack Get the app
Substack is the home for great writing