It's not an absolute lack of facial recognition, but rather memory issues attached with it. If I know someone well, of course I recognize them, but with everyone else. context plays a significant role. If a person is removed from the context in which I know them, and I don't know them well, I don't have a great recall for their face. Sometimes, if I don't know them well at all, I won't remember ever meeting them.
That's the same with me. I don't remember anyone's face but I remember facts about them if they are interesting. I get a lot of people remembering me and have no idea where or how until they either tell me or repeat the interesting fact. What I am interested in is how you decide if someone is worth knowing. What qualities in someone make you want to be their friend. What 'attracts' you to your partner? What made you decide that your partner was worth more than being in the friend zone? He/she is obviously very unique but what does he/she give you to make you regard them as 'worth it?"
Do you think you’d be able to cognitively love someone emotional? Or would they look weaker in your eyes, easy to manipulate and you would probably lose respect for that matter?
Also, would you do a favour to chat with me for a little bit?
Thank you for your reply! I have had the pleasure to deal with someone who on one side was basically the same as you describe a psychopath but some other things still make me confused. Basically no psychologist I’ve talked to has any idea what that could have been, some say Aspengers, some NDP and others psychopath. But emotional dryness makes me think still a psychopath. And if that would be the case I’d like to adjust my own behaviour cognitively to not to treat them bad. Thought you would be able to help understand a little bit if you have some time to spare and help, I’d really appreciate. Described it here: https://www.quora.com/unanswered/Are-these-traits-indicative-of-psychopathy-or-narcissism-Details-in-comments
P.S. as you probably know, you have amazing writing and I have enjoyed reading it more than the books I read about neuroscience.
I can't diagnose anyone, but I can say without a doubt, the person is not a psychopath. Almost every single thing on the list is contrary to psychopathy, so you can remove that from the list of possibilities. No one will be able to give you a definitive answer because they cannot diagnose anyone that they have never met or evaluated. The best you can do is rule things out, and psychopathy can definitely be ruled out.
As for not treating the person bad, there are a lot of red flags there. I wouldn't treat them in any way, I would just not have them as a part of my life. They are bound to be drama.
Oxytocin addict here. If you can't feel these things, then why live with someone and share a life with them? Wouldn't it be easier to have friends with benefits? The way you talk about investment isn't a foreign concept to me. It's the same way I view friends. I do have certain friends I'd say I love, because I've known them for so long, but I wouldn't hesitate to remove them from my life if I honestly thought they betrayed me... Stole money, slept with my wife.. Or even if they did something not against me, but something I find offensive against another, like rape, murder or something along those lines. I guess I don't understand what the allure of being in a "romantic relationship" for lack of a better word, if you can get the same exact thing out of being a friend. It's not a foreign concept to people that it takes more than love... Hence the "honeymoon" period, is a reality people discuss openly.
I appreciate that you enjoy being in a relationship with another that suits you. But, does the relationship feel different, if it's exclusive to that one person, as oppose to a friend? From my experience, what separates a friend from a romantic partner is the exclusivity of it. I'm just curious if there is a difference in your mind? Does it satisfy you more to have a romantic partner, than merely a good friend? Perhaps there is an intimacy to it, because you are yourself. Just curious is all.
Lacking oxytocin processing does not mean that psychopaths aren't attracted to people or wouldn't want to have a relationship with a person that improves upon the preferred state of solitude that we live in when not with another person.
I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes. Currently I enjoy many people's company, and even think highly of them, and find them sexually attractive and satisfying to be involved with but... I realize I don't love them, and won't ever will.. For whatever reason I can't develop feelings. So, we break-up and I find someone new, despite the prior person being perfect in so many ways aside from I just can't love them. Sometimes it is the opposite case. I would imagine, if I couldn't feel love chemically, than I would stay with them. For what you reference as a short-cut, many people spend decades searching for. I find it fascinating hearing your alternative perspective, and entirely respect your way of life.
Consider all the other ways you enjoy being in a relationship aside from a chemical high, and I am certain you will find things that are easily separated from your friendships. I can't say that psychopaths feel all of those things necessarily, but it would give you perhaps some aspects that you might not have considered.
I’ve been betrayed, save just a few, by everyone I’ve ever loved, ever invested in. Not just in romantic love, but also by close friends, and by family. It’s not lost on me that I am the common denominator. Could you provide any insight on this, to help me better understand the problem? on what I need to change in my behavior to save my future?
Not without knowing you. My guess is you have to take the sum of the problems and see what people have said to you regarding why things have ended. Find similarities, if you find enough of them, that is where you should focus.
I can understand that aspect being very upsetting to someone that doesn't experience the world in a similar manner to how I do. It is difficult to understand that nothing has changed in regards to how I view a friendship if I never reach out. I get that, but I am not changing it either.
Have you ever met another psychopath who didn't share this view on love and commitment?
I know one other psychopath, and his view on it is precisely the same.
I was curious about that
Oxytocin, as well as vasopressin is also involved in orgasm.
I wonder if there’s been any studies on orgasm experience and psychopaths
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24059750/
As psychopathy is studied almost entirely on the prison population, this is an unlikely study for them to design.
I won’t say something entirely predictable here.
But it’s very funny
It's also unfortunate. A lot of information is lost due to the limitation of the researchers focus.
So psychopaths cannot recognise faces? I always read your answers and posts, but I don’t remember reading that before
It's not an absolute lack of facial recognition, but rather memory issues attached with it. If I know someone well, of course I recognize them, but with everyone else. context plays a significant role. If a person is removed from the context in which I know them, and I don't know them well, I don't have a great recall for their face. Sometimes, if I don't know them well at all, I won't remember ever meeting them.
That's the same with me. I don't remember anyone's face but I remember facts about them if they are interesting. I get a lot of people remembering me and have no idea where or how until they either tell me or repeat the interesting fact. What I am interested in is how you decide if someone is worth knowing. What qualities in someone make you want to be their friend. What 'attracts' you to your partner? What made you decide that your partner was worth more than being in the friend zone? He/she is obviously very unique but what does he/she give you to make you regard them as 'worth it?"
I actually wrote about this here;
https://www.quora.com/What-made-psychopaths-choose-their-significant-others/answer/Athena-Walker
What most people don’t know, it’s that everyone on any spectrum has the same experience.
A camera is not “aware” of the image it captures
But a mind is, because it is framed within a contextual continuum.
And if you want to know what the *answer to the unsolvable so called hard problem of consciousness is, we can walk thru that at some time
Do you think you’d be able to cognitively love someone emotional? Or would they look weaker in your eyes, easy to manipulate and you would probably lose respect for that matter?
Also, would you do a favour to chat with me for a little bit?
High emotions aren't something that I am interested in dealing with. Too much effort for me.
It depends on what you want to chat about.
Thank you for your reply! I have had the pleasure to deal with someone who on one side was basically the same as you describe a psychopath but some other things still make me confused. Basically no psychologist I’ve talked to has any idea what that could have been, some say Aspengers, some NDP and others psychopath. But emotional dryness makes me think still a psychopath. And if that would be the case I’d like to adjust my own behaviour cognitively to not to treat them bad. Thought you would be able to help understand a little bit if you have some time to spare and help, I’d really appreciate. Described it here: https://www.quora.com/unanswered/Are-these-traits-indicative-of-psychopathy-or-narcissism-Details-in-comments
P.S. as you probably know, you have amazing writing and I have enjoyed reading it more than the books I read about neuroscience.
I can't diagnose anyone, but I can say without a doubt, the person is not a psychopath. Almost every single thing on the list is contrary to psychopathy, so you can remove that from the list of possibilities. No one will be able to give you a definitive answer because they cannot diagnose anyone that they have never met or evaluated. The best you can do is rule things out, and psychopathy can definitely be ruled out.
As for not treating the person bad, there are a lot of red flags there. I wouldn't treat them in any way, I would just not have them as a part of my life. They are bound to be drama.
That makes sense. Thanks a lot for your reply:)
No problem
Oxytocin addict here. If you can't feel these things, then why live with someone and share a life with them? Wouldn't it be easier to have friends with benefits? The way you talk about investment isn't a foreign concept to me. It's the same way I view friends. I do have certain friends I'd say I love, because I've known them for so long, but I wouldn't hesitate to remove them from my life if I honestly thought they betrayed me... Stole money, slept with my wife.. Or even if they did something not against me, but something I find offensive against another, like rape, murder or something along those lines. I guess I don't understand what the allure of being in a "romantic relationship" for lack of a better word, if you can get the same exact thing out of being a friend. It's not a foreign concept to people that it takes more than love... Hence the "honeymoon" period, is a reality people discuss openly.
Why would the lack of oxytocin remove enjoying being in a relationship with someone that suits me? That makes no sense.
I appreciate that you enjoy being in a relationship with another that suits you. But, does the relationship feel different, if it's exclusive to that one person, as oppose to a friend? From my experience, what separates a friend from a romantic partner is the exclusivity of it. I'm just curious if there is a difference in your mind? Does it satisfy you more to have a romantic partner, than merely a good friend? Perhaps there is an intimacy to it, because you are yourself. Just curious is all.
Lacking oxytocin processing does not mean that psychopaths aren't attracted to people or wouldn't want to have a relationship with a person that improves upon the preferred state of solitude that we live in when not with another person.
Why would I be attracted to my friends?
I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes. Currently I enjoy many people's company, and even think highly of them, and find them sexually attractive and satisfying to be involved with but... I realize I don't love them, and won't ever will.. For whatever reason I can't develop feelings. So, we break-up and I find someone new, despite the prior person being perfect in so many ways aside from I just can't love them. Sometimes it is the opposite case. I would imagine, if I couldn't feel love chemically, than I would stay with them. For what you reference as a short-cut, many people spend decades searching for. I find it fascinating hearing your alternative perspective, and entirely respect your way of life.
Consider all the other ways you enjoy being in a relationship aside from a chemical high, and I am certain you will find things that are easily separated from your friendships. I can't say that psychopaths feel all of those things necessarily, but it would give you perhaps some aspects that you might not have considered.
I’ve been betrayed, save just a few, by everyone I’ve ever loved, ever invested in. Not just in romantic love, but also by close friends, and by family. It’s not lost on me that I am the common denominator. Could you provide any insight on this, to help me better understand the problem? on what I need to change in my behavior to save my future?
Not without knowing you. My guess is you have to take the sum of the problems and see what people have said to you regarding why things have ended. Find similarities, if you find enough of them, that is where you should focus.
My own struggles with brain injury for sure plays a part.
TBIs are difficult to deal with
I’m referring to mental illness not necessarily TBI. Maybe I shouldn’t do that but I just prefer saying brain injury over mental illness
I can understand that aspect being very upsetting to someone that doesn't experience the world in a similar manner to how I do. It is difficult to understand that nothing has changed in regards to how I view a friendship if I never reach out. I get that, but I am not changing it either.