No. I see that --- now. When I tried it? in physical world? I got my arse kicked. In the cartoon I didn't go over the fence with my opponent. In the cartoon, I won.
However I did learn an important lesson: I was saved assault charges by calling the cops with my story. At that time, I didn't realize how different CA was from my home of Maine relative to violence.
Athena: So Maine is cartoon version of real world?? hahaha.
Such a pleasant thing to say. Thanks!! I've worked and visited in most of the states, but I lived only in Maine and CA.
However, Canada has MANY stunningly beautiful locations and people. My two closest friends are from Calgary (they don't know each other!)
My mom loves Halifax and finds every excuse to go there. My auntie has a summer cottage on PEI.
but my favorite is Campobello Island where FDR had his summer home. My cousins live there and they are the most down to earth people. NB is just a very cool place for example Moncton and St Andrews.
World wide impact , a handful of Canadian Paratroopers blocked entire Soviet Armor divisions from occupying Demark in 1945. Collectively the world owes Canada a peace prize. Oh Canada!!!
We are definitely lovers of peace, and tend to be pleasant but not pushovers, as our stereotype seems to portray. Just to survive the Canadian winters (except in some places like costal BC) you need a toque and will made of steel. I’m sure those in Maine can relate, and I sometimes see similarities between those two places.
In general, we tend to be very polite and mostly kind, which I’m very proud of. I’m not proud that we are influenced so much by some of the right-wing extremists. We have our own group here now, inspired by Proud Boys, called Freedom Fighters, and a related political group called the PPC (Peoples Party of Canada) they have literally turned our flag into their symbol. It’s annoying.
Yes and no, because you will find out there people preaching about how inability to be satisfied leads to endless chasing of new things and no savouring and that it is a problem. That said, that was never really my problem. I can savour and on repeat just fine (unless perfectionism rears its head, but even then there are still droplets). Emotionally-coded memories come in handy in that. Emotion being where I invest my creativity coming in handy too. At most, there is some mental explorative pushing where I asked someone to tell me to to stop (for their benefit, their tolerance levels), cause otherwise I would not. I was a hound on a trail, or a radar trying to map whole dimension of something, every nook, break through barriers, exhaust all the possibilities. A then find some new. But I certainly do have some stop gaps.
I've also known a person who has this drive to go harder and harder in something to the point of lasting damage and that something happened to be running, but this all-in attitude was apparent even before.
Indifference to damage is somewhat familiar, but not total and there is portion of conditioning in it too. So yeah, limits everpresent - both self-preservational fear-based, tiredness and lasting joy despite repeated exposure to certain stimuli, certain level of that stimuli.
I do wonder... If you have favourite food, if you like tasting and cooking things, what is it about movement, that simple sensuality does not feed the need for entertainment and there needs to be a moving goal-post.
And since you do not concern yourself much with someone trying to force you into anything, what is it about SO's "nope, not happening, no discussion" that makes you comply with it?
I respect him, and even if I disagree with him, he can pick me up and put me someplace else.
I don't have favorites of anything. I have things I like, and things I don't, but when sorting the things that I like, there isn't one that rises above all the rest because I am never going to just want one thing. How would I choose Indian over Italian, Japanese over Korean as my favorite? It would depend on what I wanted in the moment, but that wouldn't downgrade my enjoyment of the others.
"I can savour and on repeat just fine (unless perfectionism rears its head, but even then there are still droplets). Emotionally-coded memories come in handy in that."
One thing I like about your comments is that you are able to articulate the positives of emotional thinking, perhaps neurotypicality. Not all NT's can do that since it is assumed normal for them.
I am curious about the Ballet journey in your life. I am in the Ballet world myself and I have often seen that dancers are very competitive and hostile that they are often labeled as psychos. Especially among the girls, where there is a competition who is gonna be the prima Ballerina or the first solo dancer. I also know that Ballet needs internal discipline and to push yourself with each rehearsal and class. I think that came naturally to you. Ballet is for most a beautiful art to express ourselves. It is a beauty in itself and we often use it to say with our bodies what we can't say with words. Most successful actresses, like Audrey Hepburn for example, owes her success to Ballet because it challenges that part of us that wants to do more. Was that always true for you? Have you seen nut cases in the dance community? I have one theory of meeting many unusual people in the dance community and that is, many resort to dance in its many shapes and form to release and to express like I said what they can't express with their words and usually it comes from personal trauma and family issues.
As strange as it is to say, I am kind of glad that the aspect of feeling great and experiencing endrophin rush and all the fitness craze -which I don't also experience- is not true for everybody. Maybe there is an explanation to that as well.
Ballerinas, at least in my day, were all like that. At least, when it was the more advanced classes. My Mistress didn't have an interest in training young people that just wanted to take ballet because they fancied themselves dancers, she wanted to mold and shape the next generation of dancers. There was no room for girls that were sweet to one another. I have relayed this story before, but it bears repeating:
Where I think the psychopathy likely helped me was being ruthless. Ballet, back when I was doing it, again it may be different and rather benign now, was not about being friendly with other dancers. I recall in the first class I had, I think I was three, my Mistress sat the class of little girls down, no boys at the time in that class, and said to us;
“This is not a place where you come to to make friends that will last your whole life. This is not Little League. You see those girls to your right and on your left? The girls sitting behind you? These are not your friends. You will not play together, you will not spend the night at each other’s houses. These girls are your competition, and don’t you ever forget it.”
This was a difficult speech for a lot of girls. Some cried because they thought they were being yelled at. I didn’t. It made sense to me, so let’s dance.
It's so interesting that you have that level of drive to achieve, given that competitiveness with others obviously isn't a factor for you. I've known a few people who were that driven (and bloody minded) but they were all the type of people that were very much focused on status, social hierarchy etc, eg people that cared what other people thought, eg not psychopaths. It would never have occurred to me that psychopathy and that kind of drive would go together.
Lack of fear might explain why you don't stop when you probably should (and when most neurotypicals would), but it doesn't really explain why you'd be driven to push that hard/far in the first place. I think you're right, boredom must be a major factor - I'm not a psychopath, but I come from a family where rationality and logic are highly prized, whilst emotions are seen as suspect and likely to lead you astray, so I learned early on to suppress emotion in favour of rational thought, and for most of my life was generally a very unemotional person. But have now been in therapy for the best part of 10 years, which has greatly reduced the unemotionality, and based on that experience I can say that there is DEFINITELY a relationship between emotionality levels and boredom. When you're emotionally connected to the world around you, there is just a whole world of 'stuff' going on inside your head, that is missing when those emotions are absent. The absence is like an emptiness which makes time feel like it's stretching out in front of you endlessly, in a way that's almost impossible to fill. I can totally relate to the need to find constant activity, constant challenges to focus the brain on, in an effort to fill that void. You could almost say that the presence of emotions acts as a form of inoculation against boredom, or at least greatly reduces the intensity of it. Without those mechanisms in place, those with psychopathy must be on a constant quest to keep the brain placated with things to focus on and obsess over!
What about swimming, Athena? I find this activity easier on the body. It has no impact such as running and there are no weights like in powerlifting. Of course you can still get hurt but I find it harder than yoga.
The only danger I imagine is if you tried to hold your breath underwater without someone to assist you.
Reading your post makes me imagine what it would be if you were in one of those SEALs training programs. Would you find hard? Easy? Would you be able to complete if you met the physical requirements? I wonder if you ever had the same curiosity.
the same type of drive that made me push myself to learn to walk again after an idiot doctor told me my paralysis was permanent is why i have cycled through so many addictions. the only reason i recovered at all was after realizing i was ruining my future chances at anything. eventually, all of that same drive was put into learning newer/healthier things, but i am certainly my biggest competitor too. (i don't know if that's d/t the autism, or just a personality thing, however)
(also, read the bit about your joints not holding and thought you were going to tell us you had EDS for a minute, lmao)
That’s interesting. I’ve never once injured myself and I train hard, take it seriously. My serious is obviously not your serious. I was going to ask if you miss powerlifting but I assume the answer is no? Did you replace powerlifting with anything else?
Martial Arts, I'd been practicing before and one of the things about a martial art is that not hurting partners in sparring is crucial so it was a built in governor for desire to be excessive.
And no, didn't miss power lifting at all when I stopped.
Is it respect for the governing rules of martial arts ie “in martial arts you do not hurt your partner when sparring.” or, is it the fact that if you did hurt every partner you sparred with, no one would partner with you, that acts as the built in governor for you? Not being facetious, genuinely interested to know what motivates the self control aspect in this particular sport.
I would say that it's respect for the rules but it's really because no one would want to train with me. Typically excess force is a result of ego issues though and guys like me have secure egos.
Now I am recalling a short term training group I was involved in years ago, they were "reality based" and used cringe terms like "fuck 'em up in the streets - waza" and I was invited to not return after a Friday night session. I crushed a guys testicles attempting to get myself out of a sleeper hold. Good times!
EDIT: Rear Naked Choke, I haven't called that a "sleeper hold" in 40 years. that's actually sort of funny that I did that
When you mentioned that you pushed that yourself as hard as possibly could just because you wanted to, my literal first thought was that this sounds like anime logic and then you showed Black Clover and I was like dead🤣.
Omgosh this is exactly where I'm at with exercise. I both love it and hate it. Moderation is hard for me. I need a thing to focus on. Yet I have hurt myself badly in the past. I'm hoping to find a way to do exercise that either doesn't hurt me or doesn't bore me. But the results are super nice I have to say. 🌹
Neurotypicals have somethig called a fatigue center. I know this from working with hypnosis as a hypnotist. It is possible to bypass that fatigue center (as in stage hypnosis where the hypnotist might have a subject lie on a set of chairs and all but the one supporting the head and the one supporting the feet are removed and then a weight is placed on the center where hips join with abdomen) Obviously the stage hypnotist first inquires about the injury history, else the environment in which he works becomes restricted by pesky injury suits.
I may not have fear, and I have a great deal of trouble following any authority that is not my own, but I want to continue to move and achieve in a world full of neurotypicals, so I have a code of conduct designed to do that. Since I never really bonded and do not have a significant other, I use the world of neurotypicals as my factor of self-control. A person pointing a gun at me has the authority to ask me for all my money and I will reply, "Here, are you sure this is enough? May I go get you some more?" But that authority will end badly, most likely.
My goals are long-term and achieving them demands mental agility and the use of expertise beyond my own, so my code has limits on how hard I can push myself. That is my substitute for a fatigue center. The fact that my goals will not be achieved in my lifetime or in a few millenia to come and will require the optimal efforts of neurotypicals and neurodivergents working together adds the spice I need to make it my priority. And naysayers are my challenge, because I choose to listen, hoping to uncover obstacles I had not thought to calculate.
I remember watching a movie about a surfer. Chasing Mavericks was the title, I think. It included also training to last longer underwater. The movei ended on the note, he had succesful career, he got his plane off the ground and soaring. The last scene was him being somewhere at the sea, underwater and counting time he is spending there. We are there watching fingers on his hand surrounded by blue and then the screen fades into black and then we read that the person teh movei was based on died by drowningand then there is an actual real video with that person giving an interview and describing what a drive it is to want to keep pushing a little bit more. Maybe hewasn't an NT, but I think that even NTs can get so possesed by something they experience moving goal-post and even if their pain and fear are never as dulled as for you (well pain dulled, fear non-existent (thus pain dulled)) ther are drowned out by this calling to the point they end up hurting themselves, to the point they sulf-destroy. And we mourn those Icaruses, seeing potential exploding before it could eb allrealized and spent, but also are fascinated, are drawn to it, because accomplishment id awesoem and because... "How fulffilling it must have been when, how sweet was that divine ambrosia up there wheren air is too thin and most of uscan't get to try and taste it". And nothing is greater than imagining what could have been in place of what was (same with fear as Hitchcock would say). And just tragedy being compelling. I am derailing myself. I wanted to describe compulsion to push thelimits and ended up brainstoring about why we like to watch meteors burn and are excited about cloub 27.
I feel like everytime I start something that I have enough knowledge of how to get good I stop. Like I learn the basics and know what I have to do to be better but I'm just not motivated enough to continue.
Hmm, well, perhaps you aren't interested in the thing, you are interested in finding out what you are capable of. Once you learn you are, you then decide whatever that thing it isn't what you want to do with your time.
Another possibility is the mentality that basically is, if I never finish doing this thing, no one can judge me for how it turns out, because I didn't finish it to begin with.
Another thing occured to me. Cost-benefit ratio. The further you try to go, the more effort-consuming it is. And I mean, the more profficient you are the better you can handle it, but it still requires some increasing investment and well... How essential is what you can gain in that area next to essentiality of your very much limited resources and time. If it is a passion of yours, the biggest passion of yours perhaps, it damn well is worthy of all the sacrifice to you, But if it is just a thing in your life and you have also thousand other things in your life, why bother? I think one has to factor in also pain. Since pain means less to you even when you are experiencing it, it is less deterrant. We are deterred both by its direct occurance and by anticipation of it. We are not going to be pressed by boredom like you are from behind, thus propelled. We are going to be pushed back back by struggle to move into higher ellevation where air is thinner, when staying put or going down will almost do itself by itself.
That said, desire for completion of something definitely is a thing. I'd compare it to orgasm. But it would be only one facet, lens of only part of spectrum instead of full rainbow contained within white light.
Definitely the kind of introspection that can be useful in a persons life.
I am not sure about motivation. I am uncomfortably stuck in the moment most of the time. I find it hard to imagine any particular positive change in the future, because that would require me imagining other peoples response to me that I can't do. I have never, not one moment in my life, been motivated to achieve something in the future. The only motivation I seem to have is a determined, in the moment, desire for self improvement. Everything is about self improvement.
But this is good because I stay away from alcohol and such. So I'm not a loser. But by most standards, definitely not a "winner" either. I improve a lot partly by cutting bad things out of my life. I meditate, because I enjoy it.
I physically like exercise. I like the rush, the feel of it and the release of anger. It has taken me a while to discipline myself away from hurting myself by overdoing it. Plus my body will no longer tolerate just full on with any type of exercise I can find for hours. I used to go, from not having done anything for months or more, to about an hour and twenty minutes on the rowing machine at top intensity on top of other things.
It sounds like you have a certain intensity that can be channeled into achievement. This is what that researcher you referenced in your earlier blogs said was one of the good points of the psychopath. Kevin Dutton.
Yeah, the anger is often my noticing a threat that stays in my system past the point when the threat is gone. One of the strong insights I had not been able to see until a good workout session, was that someone in my last job was actively sabotaging me.
It is only when the muscle relaxes that I am able to see these things clearly.
I have a great deal of insights into physical health because of personal health reasons - I have to attend to it more than most people. In a lot of cases it feels to me that I move my physiology around. I drink more water or some other thing and it changes my psychology. Any reason for an "emotional" change seems to come from physiology and very rarely any emotional causes.
It gives me a lot of insights into personal health. I hope to become a real health freak. Maybe I can do something with it.
Please do something with it!! Help us all and those after us.
BTW at the VA health service, if I otherwise qualify I can get a sex change (and up to 6 bras per year). Fantastic.
But I can't get a thermal scan to detect inflammation in my body!!!
Every year my dentist (yes dentist) screens my mouth for cancer. When my friend got throat cancer, I asked him if he had been screened- "What the hell are you talking about?" he angrily replied as they have now placed tubes into his stomach and removed parts of his throat.
Can we agree? Even if you don't think our bodies are designed, our present "for profit" medicine is around 85% inefficient.
Any help and contribution you make is so welcome. So needed for future generations. Please do become freaky and do something with our health.
Yes, the trouble is with our current society though, as I see it, is that people refuse to question their own beliefs and these beliefs often give licence to them being manipulated.
But if we are to view the world as it is the reason a lot of people can't improve their situation is that society is designed to exploit people. As an example if people have little money then they don't have enough for the right supplements and food. But quite often, if they are being treated badly in a workplace, they will turn around and treat other staff members badly that are not co operating with management. So karmically they kind of deserve it. Plus their own belief systems will refuse to let them improve anything even if it is easily and simply possible. In what manner can a persons life be improved if they go out drinking regularly and do weed as well?
In relation to health, to me it really is a massively interesting thing. There are frequent articles that this or that other vitamin effects this or that condition such as, I saw an article a few months ago that a B vitamin was very important in cases of severe depression. So there are people that have lived with severe depression for perhaps years, that might not have experienced that with a B vitamin!
Also, the body is so complex and is largely not completely understood. But think of the very basics... Water. If someone drinks enough water and improves their liver and kidney function then a lot of smaller, unknown problems in the body are solved which means the body then has further energy with which to improve the body.
Then after the basics have been done. There are all sorts of claims to almost supernatural improvements in the health community (some VERY supernatural and unlikely - like a supplement that just... cures autism; but a lot completely reasonable and agreed on by medical science). These can be slowly explored by people. Colloidal silver is thought to be amazing for infection. DHEA forms a kind of supermolecule in the body from which all hormones are then produced. So if a person is too high or low in testosterone or estrogen then this will improve that. Like I said, with every improvement it then further improves something else. There are MANY other examples here.
Another area of interest in health is that the alternative health community holds it that a lot of us have a lot of parasites which in some cases can change our thought processes. Like toxoplamosis gandi does to cats!
This is why I am suspicious of the entire model of physical and mental health. Not that I dismiss the idea that certain conditions are incurable and such. But that I hold a mindset of curiousity and skepticism rather than acceptance of medical accuracy. The baseline for our medical knowledge is often people that drink alcohol weekly.
I even do not hold that mental health situations are necessarily as set in stone as we have been told.
Part of what I have is the open mindedness, time, resources (when employed again) and inclination to examine all this. Since I do not have a lot of responsibilities because my health situation has in many cases forbade these. I don't have kids taking my time or a mega consuming career path. It is something worthwhile to devote my time to.
Then yes, quite possibly I will be able to help others with the knowledge. We will see how that goes.
It could be you are just becoming more aware of anger that has been unacknowledged. When I researched health a few years ago I found that when we have emotions, they remain as hormonal combinations in the blood. So when you exercise and say, move blood around one of your muscles. Your emotions and anger/ adrenaline, may be freed up and released back into the bloodstream.
I know it is not a normal way of looking at things but this is how I suspect a lot of things work. The body is the tail that wags the mind. It is not the other way around as much as we think it is.
So a person thinks they are angry at something because it is unjust as an example. But actually, it is hormones trapped in the blood.
What a interesting post!! Thanks! "in the blood"- Dammit!! Light years ahead of our present understanding yet so logical. if not literally, in the blood, at least practical in principle. "Body wags the mind". OMG!!! High Grade Food for thought!
Hormones trapped in the blood? That is definitely worthy of further study. I know pain affects the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and some of pain's messengers (prostaglandins and bradykinins) may serve to bind to some cortisols to keep the healing chems at the pain site, but anger being bound for delayed release is new to me. That would be frightening to some. I can't recall feeling anger except as the briefest of flashes when something doesn't work, so what may be stored in my blood? Would chemical memories of anger with frustration-free packaging push me to a release of violence? Would occasional TBW procedures remove the time bomb in the blood or just substitute the time bombs in the donor's blood?
I have always looked at mind and body together and the brain as a giant, variegated collection of endocrine glands, except that some secretions remain in the brain, and if anyone asked me whether cause of a particuler effect was physical or mental, I would say, "When you can tell me how to find the end of a circle, I can answer you."
Dangerously rich food for thought? Indeed! Capable of distracting a monomaniac from his foci!
Well, like I say the source is referenced there. I would like to re read the book but won't buy it until I intend to use the information. I.e. no money for additional supplements yet and am at a more formative stage of health improvement.
But, in alternative therapy communities this is well known. When people have massages they often have memories and some even break down into tears.
The idea, as I'm sure you have partially heard before is that people get fight or flight but don't use up the adrenaline, since it is being triggered by a work dispute or bill or something. Then that stays in the blood stream until it is exercised out. Exercise is the major blood cleaner and is proven to massively improve liver health.
Taking that one step further, as a logical theory rather than what I have been told from elsewhere. If you get a problem with someone adrenaline kicks in and goes to the muscles, but that energy is not used. You do not 'front up' against the person if you are a man and you do not hit anybody. So the adrenaline stays in the muscles themselves.
When I originally read about it though, the emotions can be far more complex. Hormonal combinations in the blood can be complex, multi layered sadness as an example, which is the kind of thing people sometimes have when they get massages. I have not finished reading it but that book "the body keeps the score" probably talks along these same lines.
See now you are talking my language. I lift weights. I enjoy it because it’s very simple to see and measure progress. However to progress you have to eat more, which I did because I had a target, pull ups. I can now do pull ups, which looks cool when a girl can jump to the bar and just do it. So my vanity is tickled whilst the competence gives added confidence. Then I set my next target, deadlift 100 kilos. I’m 5 ft 6, and weighed around 60 kilos, that felt too heavy for me, so I went on a very low calorie diet. Strangely my deadlift max was steadily increasing as my weight was falling. Now this gave me a kick because it was pure stubbornness and training dedication that was bringing results. The eating should have been a problem but I managed to stubborn my way out of that. I imagine this would resonate with you Athena. Tell me I can’t do it and I’ll prove I can. I’m currently at max 85 kilos. Those last 15 will be slower gained, but, I think I can hold at 55 kilos and still hit target.
So I’m similar. You can’t actually hurt yourself too easily lifting weights as long as you hold your form. The bar just won’t move. Poor technique is what causes injury and I would imagine you would master the technique and hold to it. Weights might well be your thing! Those supporting tendons and muscles around your joints would benefit.
Yoga. Oh my. I tried it once, I was so bored it actually made me want to kill. It was so calm I wanted to scream. Everyone walked out of the class feeling zen, I walked out feeling murderous. I am not calm, relaxed and zen, I’m stubborn, frenetic and erratic. Weights suits me better.
My other half has asked me what happens after this target, then the next. Sooner or later I’ll reach a max that is just the max I can move. There’s so much you can do though, so many muscle groups, it’s such a broad form of exercise I don’t think I’ll run out of new targets. I know what he means, but for now at least, it doesn’t compute.
I call it stubbornness. For you it’s probably lack of limitations + hyper focus but the two are similar just with slightly different drivers I think.
"As long as you hold your form" is a HUGE caveat here and does a LOT of the work. Weight lifting requires at least a moderate level of self discipline to not attempt weights that are too heavy for you or to bail out of a lift if you notice your form starting to go to shit. Without that, you're headed for injury.
"I’m stubborn, frenetic and erratic." -smiles- I knew there is something I like about you!!
One of my favorite times is volunteer English teacher, as a second language, at a women's shelter. Four days a week. Yours are exactly the qualities I use in class. Erratic? Yes, please.
I made up a name: "Natural Acquistion Method" and told the officials it was invented at MIT.
Within two weeks, the results are so explosive no one questions it: But it could just as easily be called: Teacher is stubborn, frenetic and erratic"!! hehehe.
How much investment of time and money does it take to learn "hold your form"?
The ideas of "form" are more art or science? In past, it ALWAYS seemed more art with everyone offering little tips rather than one accepted standard.
Haha yes you get it :) I can well imagine those qualities would very much bring energy to a classroom, particularly when teaching a language. There needs to be an energy when learning a language, heads down and repetition drains the life from it.
In terms of cost and time, I’ve only really started doing the bar weightlifting at my current gym and only with my current trainer, so roughly two years. I had a lower back issue when I started there, pain every day, it would lock up, that kind of thing so the lower back had to be strengthened first before I could really bite down on anything else. I train with him once each week and alone 4 times a week. I’m strict with weekends being weight free.
There are slight variations to grip, to starting position in terms of foot placement etc but the overall position for a deadlift is that when you grip the bar ready to lift it, you sit back a little, then lift. This prevents you from leaning forward over the bar and placing more strain on the back. A deadlift works lots of muscles but it’s legs and glutes that should take the strain, not your back as such. Core should be engaged. Imagine the suspension tightening up on a sports car as it accelerates in sport mode. If the core is relaxed there is nothing active about the lift. It’s far easier to show than tell and having someone video the lift so you can watch it back works wonders. Lifting for me is all about consistency, keep showing up, trust the process and suddenly you start to make gains and see real change. It’s actually really empowering, great for self esteem.
Most importantly you need a lifting song. Haha! Can’t believe I’m sharing this! When I’m chasing that last rep or that extra kilo I have a song that always delivers. Retcon by Dylan Andre the lift is on one minute 20 seconds into the track. Works every time!
I’m very very sensitive to music, so playing the right song at the right time can give me that tiny bit more delivery. Don’t get me started on my training, we’ll be here all night!
LIFTING SONG!!! Great starting point for weights. I like this.
Before I wrote more, I listened to Retcon.- I could see you in that!!! hehehe. Pushing it, pushing it harder. Pushing it through to the end.
Inside me, is a weightlifter. Like you write: Easier to show: (and film)
Here is my favorite ACTIVE music
Iron Maiden esp The Trooper
Rammstein Everything!! hahaha. esp MOSKAU!!!
This is rhythmic anarchy - electric shocking shameless rebellion on a planetary scale.
Power and authority of youth to change the present order....
-smiles- maybe it is just me?
Best Wishes. Thanks for your encouraging words!! If I can follow through, I will put in a pull up bar in my house. I have the bar: I know where I want it. I am just not sure it will work and that I might not end up on my arse!!!
I listened to some Iron Maiden, not really my usual style but actually, I was pleasantly surprised!
If you do install your pull up bar, try doing reverse pull ups to build strength first. So place a step below the bar, jump up to the bar so your starting position is chin above the bar ( basically where you would end up on a standard pull up.) then lower yourself slowly slowly down to to the step. Lowering yourself rather than lifting yourself is a great way to build towards a pull up. There are also some really great YouTube videos out there that can help you work towards a pull up. It took me five months from idea to first pull up, but I’m female, we don’t have as much muscle through the shoulders as men to start with. It’s a process, it takes time and practice but if you want it, you’ll get it.
Yes, very much: Rhythmic Anarchy!! Refreshing and electric and rebellious. LIke in a preventive way, a healthy way.
You have come a long way the past 2 years!! Good for you!! You eat more: Are you confident of the food you eat? With every day more "food products" additives, pesticides etc? how do you increase your consumption without damage of poor food products? This waivers me from increase of consumption.
I grow some basics: Tomatoes onions chili and get fresh eggs- But it is difficult to find food (not food products)
Thanks for the wonderful suggest of 'reversal' - like a Pilates principle of "working it"? Even if that isn't quite pilates- yes. for sure. Great to build my muscle even at my age.
You mean most people can't do one pull up? I started doing them so early in life, I just thought "everyone" could do them. I went to a public school in Maine: But we were showered with every kind of advantage. The 60s you know!!! In PE we had all the equipment you could imagine. ALL of us competed in the President's programs those years.
Thank you for your kind suggestions and your time to help me out. Female is very cool and it seems a great time to be female. I am very happy to see you break out and refuse to accept limits. You put a big smile on my face!!
Honestly, I think that’s right, a lot of people can’t manage one pull up. Funnily enough my son just turned 17, swimming in testosterone, he can, but it’s kind of a bit of a jump, a leg swing and a haul up there! Guys who don’t train, might get one or two, but can’t get past one or two, naturally at least. Depends on their line of work too I think.
Food wise, it’s a battle. I’m not a big eater, certainly not a big meat eater, so for me it’s free range chicken, fish, a lot of eggs and I supplement with protein powder from time to time. I eat clean, avoid processed as much as possible and limit obvious carbs such as bread pasta and rice. The easy wins, but I’m not super strict in terms of counting macros etc, life is too short and I’m too old to ever be an athlete. I train because I really enjoy it and it’s good for my mental well-being, particularly in winter. Increased confidence has been a nice side effect of training. I can’t imagine ever not training now, it’ll just be different as I age.
I agree, I think sports in schools has changed, particularly in England. There seemed to be greater variety, more options when I was a kid. Similarly, when I was a kid, there was less to do, we went outside to entertain ourselves, things are different now. So much to entertain.
I’m glad I made you smile. I think it’s a great time to be an older woman, I think young women today have it tougher than I did if I’m honest but that might simply be a matter of perspective.
"It seems to me that neurotypicals do have a different response to getting to the place that they wanted to. It seems that they celebrate the achievement and often seem to consider that achievement to be a good stopping point."
Yeah, I'd say that's true overall. When milestones (or even small goals) are reached, there's a sense of satisfaction and satiety. For motivated people it's just for awhile though. It's like eating a good meal. You start out hungry, and when you finish you're satisfied and not hungry anymore. You get hungry again later.
With my hobbies I like to challenge myself, and although I reach goals that are good stopping points, it's temporary. However, I don't exceed my limits. I will find them, but once I know what they are, I avoid them in the future. One thing I do is singing, and part of the challenge itself is to learn the techniques that actually expand the limits. But when I hit a point where I know I'm hurting my voice, I rest for awhile. Usually I reach "good stopping points" before that happens, but not always. I'm always trying new techniques and seeing what I can do, but self-preservation definitely kicks in when (not if) lines are crossed.
I think you raise some interesting points. Over processed foods are killing us slowly and we are consuming it all willingly. In fairness, if you have a family and are hovering on the poverty line, the cheapest way to feed that family is probably to eat at Mc Donald’s. Healthy food is expensive and has become a luxury. That can’t be right in this day and age.
Birth rates are falling because the young are children for far longer, adopting a long life strategy and again can’t afford to get a house let alone afford children. Society has become more materialistic and overall more selfish so it’s no surprise that they have no desire to sacrifice what little disposable income they have on children.
I think men now don’t really know what is expected of them either. Everyone seems to be so easily offended. Even holding a door open for a woman can be taken the wrong way. It all just became too difficult, so many social pitfalls and traps, so much criticism. Easier to just stay home and watch porn.
I do feel bad for younger guys at the moment, young women too but guys more so.
I have a boy and a girl 16&17. In many ways they are lucky, there is no uncomfortable mystery as regards the opposite sex so both seem confident moving between groups but for many, social awkwardness and fear is impacting people’s ability to interact in the real world. It becomes awkward, nerve racking and it is far easier to resort to the safer option, online interactions. Be who you want to be, look how you want to look, escape to fantasy land whilst all the time you are simultaneously becoming more isolated, more socially awkward. Rates of depression are higher than ever, so much anxiety for the young, climate anxiety, job anxiety, social anxiety, no wonder people aren’t finding partners, they’re too anxious to just be themselves.
Worrying times across the board I think. I do worry what the world will look like when my kids are my age. All I can do is work hard and ensure they have the best start to adulthood I can give them. Love them and be there to support when needed. I suppose that hasn’t changed, each generation of parents has likely said the same thing.
“I saw this in a cartoon once and I think I can do it”... Words to live by!!
Right?
No. I see that --- now. When I tried it? in physical world? I got my arse kicked. In the cartoon I didn't go over the fence with my opponent. In the cartoon, I won.
However I did learn an important lesson: I was saved assault charges by calling the cops with my story. At that time, I didn't realize how different CA was from my home of Maine relative to violence.
Athena: So Maine is cartoon version of real world?? hahaha.
Both states are really unique, but for such different reasons - I love them both (from a Canadian who visits these states as often as she can).
Such a pleasant thing to say. Thanks!! I've worked and visited in most of the states, but I lived only in Maine and CA.
However, Canada has MANY stunningly beautiful locations and people. My two closest friends are from Calgary (they don't know each other!)
My mom loves Halifax and finds every excuse to go there. My auntie has a summer cottage on PEI.
but my favorite is Campobello Island where FDR had his summer home. My cousins live there and they are the most down to earth people. NB is just a very cool place for example Moncton and St Andrews.
World wide impact , a handful of Canadian Paratroopers blocked entire Soviet Armor divisions from occupying Demark in 1945. Collectively the world owes Canada a peace prize. Oh Canada!!!
We are definitely lovers of peace, and tend to be pleasant but not pushovers, as our stereotype seems to portray. Just to survive the Canadian winters (except in some places like costal BC) you need a toque and will made of steel. I’m sure those in Maine can relate, and I sometimes see similarities between those two places.
In general, we tend to be very polite and mostly kind, which I’m very proud of. I’m not proud that we are influenced so much by some of the right-wing extremists. We have our own group here now, inspired by Proud Boys, called Freedom Fighters, and a related political group called the PPC (Peoples Party of Canada) they have literally turned our flag into their symbol. It’s annoying.
Yes and no, because you will find out there people preaching about how inability to be satisfied leads to endless chasing of new things and no savouring and that it is a problem. That said, that was never really my problem. I can savour and on repeat just fine (unless perfectionism rears its head, but even then there are still droplets). Emotionally-coded memories come in handy in that. Emotion being where I invest my creativity coming in handy too. At most, there is some mental explorative pushing where I asked someone to tell me to to stop (for their benefit, their tolerance levels), cause otherwise I would not. I was a hound on a trail, or a radar trying to map whole dimension of something, every nook, break through barriers, exhaust all the possibilities. A then find some new. But I certainly do have some stop gaps.
I've also known a person who has this drive to go harder and harder in something to the point of lasting damage and that something happened to be running, but this all-in attitude was apparent even before.
Indifference to damage is somewhat familiar, but not total and there is portion of conditioning in it too. So yeah, limits everpresent - both self-preservational fear-based, tiredness and lasting joy despite repeated exposure to certain stimuli, certain level of that stimuli.
I do wonder... If you have favourite food, if you like tasting and cooking things, what is it about movement, that simple sensuality does not feed the need for entertainment and there needs to be a moving goal-post.
And since you do not concern yourself much with someone trying to force you into anything, what is it about SO's "nope, not happening, no discussion" that makes you comply with it?
I respect him, and even if I disagree with him, he can pick me up and put me someplace else.
I don't have favorites of anything. I have things I like, and things I don't, but when sorting the things that I like, there isn't one that rises above all the rest because I am never going to just want one thing. How would I choose Indian over Italian, Japanese over Korean as my favorite? It would depend on what I wanted in the moment, but that wouldn't downgrade my enjoyment of the others.
"I can savour and on repeat just fine (unless perfectionism rears its head, but even then there are still droplets). Emotionally-coded memories come in handy in that."
One thing I like about your comments is that you are able to articulate the positives of emotional thinking, perhaps neurotypicality. Not all NT's can do that since it is assumed normal for them.
Thx.
I am curious about the Ballet journey in your life. I am in the Ballet world myself and I have often seen that dancers are very competitive and hostile that they are often labeled as psychos. Especially among the girls, where there is a competition who is gonna be the prima Ballerina or the first solo dancer. I also know that Ballet needs internal discipline and to push yourself with each rehearsal and class. I think that came naturally to you. Ballet is for most a beautiful art to express ourselves. It is a beauty in itself and we often use it to say with our bodies what we can't say with words. Most successful actresses, like Audrey Hepburn for example, owes her success to Ballet because it challenges that part of us that wants to do more. Was that always true for you? Have you seen nut cases in the dance community? I have one theory of meeting many unusual people in the dance community and that is, many resort to dance in its many shapes and form to release and to express like I said what they can't express with their words and usually it comes from personal trauma and family issues.
As strange as it is to say, I am kind of glad that the aspect of feeling great and experiencing endrophin rush and all the fitness craze -which I don't also experience- is not true for everybody. Maybe there is an explanation to that as well.
Ballerinas, at least in my day, were all like that. At least, when it was the more advanced classes. My Mistress didn't have an interest in training young people that just wanted to take ballet because they fancied themselves dancers, she wanted to mold and shape the next generation of dancers. There was no room for girls that were sweet to one another. I have relayed this story before, but it bears repeating:
Where I think the psychopathy likely helped me was being ruthless. Ballet, back when I was doing it, again it may be different and rather benign now, was not about being friendly with other dancers. I recall in the first class I had, I think I was three, my Mistress sat the class of little girls down, no boys at the time in that class, and said to us;
“This is not a place where you come to to make friends that will last your whole life. This is not Little League. You see those girls to your right and on your left? The girls sitting behind you? These are not your friends. You will not play together, you will not spend the night at each other’s houses. These girls are your competition, and don’t you ever forget it.”
This was a difficult speech for a lot of girls. Some cried because they thought they were being yelled at. I didn’t. It made sense to me, so let’s dance.
How many years did you dance ballet? Did you reach professional level?
From childhood to teenage years. I keep things vague for privacy reasons.
It's so interesting that you have that level of drive to achieve, given that competitiveness with others obviously isn't a factor for you. I've known a few people who were that driven (and bloody minded) but they were all the type of people that were very much focused on status, social hierarchy etc, eg people that cared what other people thought, eg not psychopaths. It would never have occurred to me that psychopathy and that kind of drive would go together.
Lack of fear might explain why you don't stop when you probably should (and when most neurotypicals would), but it doesn't really explain why you'd be driven to push that hard/far in the first place. I think you're right, boredom must be a major factor - I'm not a psychopath, but I come from a family where rationality and logic are highly prized, whilst emotions are seen as suspect and likely to lead you astray, so I learned early on to suppress emotion in favour of rational thought, and for most of my life was generally a very unemotional person. But have now been in therapy for the best part of 10 years, which has greatly reduced the unemotionality, and based on that experience I can say that there is DEFINITELY a relationship between emotionality levels and boredom. When you're emotionally connected to the world around you, there is just a whole world of 'stuff' going on inside your head, that is missing when those emotions are absent. The absence is like an emptiness which makes time feel like it's stretching out in front of you endlessly, in a way that's almost impossible to fill. I can totally relate to the need to find constant activity, constant challenges to focus the brain on, in an effort to fill that void. You could almost say that the presence of emotions acts as a form of inoculation against boredom, or at least greatly reduces the intensity of it. Without those mechanisms in place, those with psychopathy must be on a constant quest to keep the brain placated with things to focus on and obsess over!
What about swimming, Athena? I find this activity easier on the body. It has no impact such as running and there are no weights like in powerlifting. Of course you can still get hurt but I find it harder than yoga.
The only danger I imagine is if you tried to hold your breath underwater without someone to assist you.
Reading your post makes me imagine what it would be if you were in one of those SEALs training programs. Would you find hard? Easy? Would you be able to complete if you met the physical requirements? I wonder if you ever had the same curiosity.
I'm certain that pretty much everyone would find SEAL training extremely difficult. It is intended to make the men undertaking it want to quit.
I like swimming but can guarantee that if I had the availability to do so frequently I would engage with it in a way that could be problematic
the same type of drive that made me push myself to learn to walk again after an idiot doctor told me my paralysis was permanent is why i have cycled through so many addictions. the only reason i recovered at all was after realizing i was ruining my future chances at anything. eventually, all of that same drive was put into learning newer/healthier things, but i am certainly my biggest competitor too. (i don't know if that's d/t the autism, or just a personality thing, however)
(also, read the bit about your joints not holding and thought you were going to tell us you had EDS for a minute, lmao)
No, it was all my own doing
glad the joints are back together again, ha
So am I
You've perfectly described why I had to stop powerlifting.
Yeah, I could see that being a problem
That’s interesting. I’ve never once injured myself and I train hard, take it seriously. My serious is obviously not your serious. I was going to ask if you miss powerlifting but I assume the answer is no? Did you replace powerlifting with anything else?
Martial Arts, I'd been practicing before and one of the things about a martial art is that not hurting partners in sparring is crucial so it was a built in governor for desire to be excessive.
And no, didn't miss power lifting at all when I stopped.
That's interesting. It's like a social Significant Other
That is exactly right now that I think of it.
Is it respect for the governing rules of martial arts ie “in martial arts you do not hurt your partner when sparring.” or, is it the fact that if you did hurt every partner you sparred with, no one would partner with you, that acts as the built in governor for you? Not being facetious, genuinely interested to know what motivates the self control aspect in this particular sport.
I would say that it's respect for the rules but it's really because no one would want to train with me. Typically excess force is a result of ego issues though and guys like me have secure egos.
Now I am recalling a short term training group I was involved in years ago, they were "reality based" and used cringe terms like "fuck 'em up in the streets - waza" and I was invited to not return after a Friday night session. I crushed a guys testicles attempting to get myself out of a sleeper hold. Good times!
EDIT: Rear Naked Choke, I haven't called that a "sleeper hold" in 40 years. that's actually sort of funny that I did that
Interesting you say that about excess force typically being about ego issues, I get that, makes sense, those with ‘something to prove’.
In your case, I imagine it was more a case of “ Oh, well if it’s reality based, I can just go for it then, no limits, just, fight.”
I laughed at “Good times!”
Thank you for the honest response Invisigoth.
When you mentioned that you pushed that yourself as hard as possibly could just because you wanted to, my literal first thought was that this sounds like anime logic and then you showed Black Clover and I was like dead🤣.
funny thing is that now I know the name of that anime I want to watch it
Black Clover is great
Ha! That's funny
Omgosh this is exactly where I'm at with exercise. I both love it and hate it. Moderation is hard for me. I need a thing to focus on. Yet I have hurt myself badly in the past. I'm hoping to find a way to do exercise that either doesn't hurt me or doesn't bore me. But the results are super nice I have to say. 🌹
Neurotypicals have somethig called a fatigue center. I know this from working with hypnosis as a hypnotist. It is possible to bypass that fatigue center (as in stage hypnosis where the hypnotist might have a subject lie on a set of chairs and all but the one supporting the head and the one supporting the feet are removed and then a weight is placed on the center where hips join with abdomen) Obviously the stage hypnotist first inquires about the injury history, else the environment in which he works becomes restricted by pesky injury suits.
I may not have fear, and I have a great deal of trouble following any authority that is not my own, but I want to continue to move and achieve in a world full of neurotypicals, so I have a code of conduct designed to do that. Since I never really bonded and do not have a significant other, I use the world of neurotypicals as my factor of self-control. A person pointing a gun at me has the authority to ask me for all my money and I will reply, "Here, are you sure this is enough? May I go get you some more?" But that authority will end badly, most likely.
My goals are long-term and achieving them demands mental agility and the use of expertise beyond my own, so my code has limits on how hard I can push myself. That is my substitute for a fatigue center. The fact that my goals will not be achieved in my lifetime or in a few millenia to come and will require the optimal efforts of neurotypicals and neurodivergents working together adds the spice I need to make it my priority. And naysayers are my challenge, because I choose to listen, hoping to uncover obstacles I had not thought to calculate.
I remember watching a movie about a surfer. Chasing Mavericks was the title, I think. It included also training to last longer underwater. The movei ended on the note, he had succesful career, he got his plane off the ground and soaring. The last scene was him being somewhere at the sea, underwater and counting time he is spending there. We are there watching fingers on his hand surrounded by blue and then the screen fades into black and then we read that the person teh movei was based on died by drowningand then there is an actual real video with that person giving an interview and describing what a drive it is to want to keep pushing a little bit more. Maybe hewasn't an NT, but I think that even NTs can get so possesed by something they experience moving goal-post and even if their pain and fear are never as dulled as for you (well pain dulled, fear non-existent (thus pain dulled)) ther are drowned out by this calling to the point they end up hurting themselves, to the point they sulf-destroy. And we mourn those Icaruses, seeing potential exploding before it could eb allrealized and spent, but also are fascinated, are drawn to it, because accomplishment id awesoem and because... "How fulffilling it must have been when, how sweet was that divine ambrosia up there wheren air is too thin and most of uscan't get to try and taste it". And nothing is greater than imagining what could have been in place of what was (same with fear as Hitchcock would say). And just tragedy being compelling. I am derailing myself. I wanted to describe compulsion to push thelimits and ended up brainstoring about why we like to watch meteors burn and are excited about cloub 27.
hey. Great post: I saw that film.
In 1986, my friend Ron Quigley a professional surfer died in a pool doing exactly that.
He was surrounded by friends who came to his aid too late to save him.
I feel like everytime I start something that I have enough knowledge of how to get good I stop. Like I learn the basics and know what I have to do to be better but I'm just not motivated enough to continue.
Hmm, well, perhaps you aren't interested in the thing, you are interested in finding out what you are capable of. Once you learn you are, you then decide whatever that thing it isn't what you want to do with your time.
Another possibility is the mentality that basically is, if I never finish doing this thing, no one can judge me for how it turns out, because I didn't finish it to begin with.
Another thing occured to me. Cost-benefit ratio. The further you try to go, the more effort-consuming it is. And I mean, the more profficient you are the better you can handle it, but it still requires some increasing investment and well... How essential is what you can gain in that area next to essentiality of your very much limited resources and time. If it is a passion of yours, the biggest passion of yours perhaps, it damn well is worthy of all the sacrifice to you, But if it is just a thing in your life and you have also thousand other things in your life, why bother? I think one has to factor in also pain. Since pain means less to you even when you are experiencing it, it is less deterrant. We are deterred both by its direct occurance and by anticipation of it. We are not going to be pressed by boredom like you are from behind, thus propelled. We are going to be pushed back back by struggle to move into higher ellevation where air is thinner, when staying put or going down will almost do itself by itself.
That said, desire for completion of something definitely is a thing. I'd compare it to orgasm. But it would be only one facet, lens of only part of spectrum instead of full rainbow contained within white light.
Yes, that is a very reasonable possibility
I can definitely relate to both scenarios.
Definitely the kind of introspection that can be useful in a persons life.
I am not sure about motivation. I am uncomfortably stuck in the moment most of the time. I find it hard to imagine any particular positive change in the future, because that would require me imagining other peoples response to me that I can't do. I have never, not one moment in my life, been motivated to achieve something in the future. The only motivation I seem to have is a determined, in the moment, desire for self improvement. Everything is about self improvement.
But this is good because I stay away from alcohol and such. So I'm not a loser. But by most standards, definitely not a "winner" either. I improve a lot partly by cutting bad things out of my life. I meditate, because I enjoy it.
I physically like exercise. I like the rush, the feel of it and the release of anger. It has taken me a while to discipline myself away from hurting myself by overdoing it. Plus my body will no longer tolerate just full on with any type of exercise I can find for hours. I used to go, from not having done anything for months or more, to about an hour and twenty minutes on the rowing machine at top intensity on top of other things.
It sounds like you have a certain intensity that can be channeled into achievement. This is what that researcher you referenced in your earlier blogs said was one of the good points of the psychopath. Kevin Dutton.
Interesting that exercise releases anger for you.
Yeah, the anger is often my noticing a threat that stays in my system past the point when the threat is gone. One of the strong insights I had not been able to see until a good workout session, was that someone in my last job was actively sabotaging me.
It is only when the muscle relaxes that I am able to see these things clearly.
YES!!! Good job!! You are light years ahead of me!!!
I have a great deal of insights into physical health because of personal health reasons - I have to attend to it more than most people. In a lot of cases it feels to me that I move my physiology around. I drink more water or some other thing and it changes my psychology. Any reason for an "emotional" change seems to come from physiology and very rarely any emotional causes.
It gives me a lot of insights into personal health. I hope to become a real health freak. Maybe I can do something with it.
Please do something with it!! Help us all and those after us.
BTW at the VA health service, if I otherwise qualify I can get a sex change (and up to 6 bras per year). Fantastic.
But I can't get a thermal scan to detect inflammation in my body!!!
Every year my dentist (yes dentist) screens my mouth for cancer. When my friend got throat cancer, I asked him if he had been screened- "What the hell are you talking about?" he angrily replied as they have now placed tubes into his stomach and removed parts of his throat.
Can we agree? Even if you don't think our bodies are designed, our present "for profit" medicine is around 85% inefficient.
Any help and contribution you make is so welcome. So needed for future generations. Please do become freaky and do something with our health.
Yes, the trouble is with our current society though, as I see it, is that people refuse to question their own beliefs and these beliefs often give licence to them being manipulated.
But if we are to view the world as it is the reason a lot of people can't improve their situation is that society is designed to exploit people. As an example if people have little money then they don't have enough for the right supplements and food. But quite often, if they are being treated badly in a workplace, they will turn around and treat other staff members badly that are not co operating with management. So karmically they kind of deserve it. Plus their own belief systems will refuse to let them improve anything even if it is easily and simply possible. In what manner can a persons life be improved if they go out drinking regularly and do weed as well?
In relation to health, to me it really is a massively interesting thing. There are frequent articles that this or that other vitamin effects this or that condition such as, I saw an article a few months ago that a B vitamin was very important in cases of severe depression. So there are people that have lived with severe depression for perhaps years, that might not have experienced that with a B vitamin!
Also, the body is so complex and is largely not completely understood. But think of the very basics... Water. If someone drinks enough water and improves their liver and kidney function then a lot of smaller, unknown problems in the body are solved which means the body then has further energy with which to improve the body.
Then after the basics have been done. There are all sorts of claims to almost supernatural improvements in the health community (some VERY supernatural and unlikely - like a supplement that just... cures autism; but a lot completely reasonable and agreed on by medical science). These can be slowly explored by people. Colloidal silver is thought to be amazing for infection. DHEA forms a kind of supermolecule in the body from which all hormones are then produced. So if a person is too high or low in testosterone or estrogen then this will improve that. Like I said, with every improvement it then further improves something else. There are MANY other examples here.
Another area of interest in health is that the alternative health community holds it that a lot of us have a lot of parasites which in some cases can change our thought processes. Like toxoplamosis gandi does to cats!
This is why I am suspicious of the entire model of physical and mental health. Not that I dismiss the idea that certain conditions are incurable and such. But that I hold a mindset of curiousity and skepticism rather than acceptance of medical accuracy. The baseline for our medical knowledge is often people that drink alcohol weekly.
I even do not hold that mental health situations are necessarily as set in stone as we have been told.
Part of what I have is the open mindedness, time, resources (when employed again) and inclination to examine all this. Since I do not have a lot of responsibilities because my health situation has in many cases forbade these. I don't have kids taking my time or a mega consuming career path. It is something worthwhile to devote my time to.
Then yes, quite possibly I will be able to help others with the knowledge. We will see how that goes.
Sometimes working out makes me mad. One time I had to leave the gym because I was too angry to continue... I was even rude by accident to a person.
It could be you are just becoming more aware of anger that has been unacknowledged. When I researched health a few years ago I found that when we have emotions, they remain as hormonal combinations in the blood. So when you exercise and say, move blood around one of your muscles. Your emotions and anger/ adrenaline, may be freed up and released back into the bloodstream.
I know it is not a normal way of looking at things but this is how I suspect a lot of things work. The body is the tail that wags the mind. It is not the other way around as much as we think it is.
So a person thinks they are angry at something because it is unjust as an example. But actually, it is hormones trapped in the blood.
What a interesting post!! Thanks! "in the blood"- Dammit!! Light years ahead of our present understanding yet so logical. if not literally, in the blood, at least practical in principle. "Body wags the mind". OMG!!! High Grade Food for thought!
That piece of information came from jonbarron.org. The book.
Hormones trapped in the blood? That is definitely worthy of further study. I know pain affects the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and some of pain's messengers (prostaglandins and bradykinins) may serve to bind to some cortisols to keep the healing chems at the pain site, but anger being bound for delayed release is new to me. That would be frightening to some. I can't recall feeling anger except as the briefest of flashes when something doesn't work, so what may be stored in my blood? Would chemical memories of anger with frustration-free packaging push me to a release of violence? Would occasional TBW procedures remove the time bomb in the blood or just substitute the time bombs in the donor's blood?
I have always looked at mind and body together and the brain as a giant, variegated collection of endocrine glands, except that some secretions remain in the brain, and if anyone asked me whether cause of a particuler effect was physical or mental, I would say, "When you can tell me how to find the end of a circle, I can answer you."
Dangerously rich food for thought? Indeed! Capable of distracting a monomaniac from his foci!
I agree, it is a rather interesting idea
Well, like I say the source is referenced there. I would like to re read the book but won't buy it until I intend to use the information. I.e. no money for additional supplements yet and am at a more formative stage of health improvement.
But, in alternative therapy communities this is well known. When people have massages they often have memories and some even break down into tears.
The idea, as I'm sure you have partially heard before is that people get fight or flight but don't use up the adrenaline, since it is being triggered by a work dispute or bill or something. Then that stays in the blood stream until it is exercised out. Exercise is the major blood cleaner and is proven to massively improve liver health.
Taking that one step further, as a logical theory rather than what I have been told from elsewhere. If you get a problem with someone adrenaline kicks in and goes to the muscles, but that energy is not used. You do not 'front up' against the person if you are a man and you do not hit anybody. So the adrenaline stays in the muscles themselves.
When I originally read about it though, the emotions can be far more complex. Hormonal combinations in the blood can be complex, multi layered sadness as an example, which is the kind of thing people sometimes have when they get massages. I have not finished reading it but that book "the body keeps the score" probably talks along these same lines.
See now you are talking my language. I lift weights. I enjoy it because it’s very simple to see and measure progress. However to progress you have to eat more, which I did because I had a target, pull ups. I can now do pull ups, which looks cool when a girl can jump to the bar and just do it. So my vanity is tickled whilst the competence gives added confidence. Then I set my next target, deadlift 100 kilos. I’m 5 ft 6, and weighed around 60 kilos, that felt too heavy for me, so I went on a very low calorie diet. Strangely my deadlift max was steadily increasing as my weight was falling. Now this gave me a kick because it was pure stubbornness and training dedication that was bringing results. The eating should have been a problem but I managed to stubborn my way out of that. I imagine this would resonate with you Athena. Tell me I can’t do it and I’ll prove I can. I’m currently at max 85 kilos. Those last 15 will be slower gained, but, I think I can hold at 55 kilos and still hit target.
So I’m similar. You can’t actually hurt yourself too easily lifting weights as long as you hold your form. The bar just won’t move. Poor technique is what causes injury and I would imagine you would master the technique and hold to it. Weights might well be your thing! Those supporting tendons and muscles around your joints would benefit.
Yoga. Oh my. I tried it once, I was so bored it actually made me want to kill. It was so calm I wanted to scream. Everyone walked out of the class feeling zen, I walked out feeling murderous. I am not calm, relaxed and zen, I’m stubborn, frenetic and erratic. Weights suits me better.
My other half has asked me what happens after this target, then the next. Sooner or later I’ll reach a max that is just the max I can move. There’s so much you can do though, so many muscle groups, it’s such a broad form of exercise I don’t think I’ll run out of new targets. I know what he means, but for now at least, it doesn’t compute.
I call it stubbornness. For you it’s probably lack of limitations + hyper focus but the two are similar just with slightly different drivers I think.
There is no max to me, injury gets there first, which is why even starting down those pathways are better avoided than pursued.
"As long as you hold your form" is a HUGE caveat here and does a LOT of the work. Weight lifting requires at least a moderate level of self discipline to not attempt weights that are too heavy for you or to bail out of a lift if you notice your form starting to go to shit. Without that, you're headed for injury.
"I’m stubborn, frenetic and erratic." -smiles- I knew there is something I like about you!!
One of my favorite times is volunteer English teacher, as a second language, at a women's shelter. Four days a week. Yours are exactly the qualities I use in class. Erratic? Yes, please.
I made up a name: "Natural Acquistion Method" and told the officials it was invented at MIT.
Within two weeks, the results are so explosive no one questions it: But it could just as easily be called: Teacher is stubborn, frenetic and erratic"!! hehehe.
How much investment of time and money does it take to learn "hold your form"?
The ideas of "form" are more art or science? In past, it ALWAYS seemed more art with everyone offering little tips rather than one accepted standard.
Haha yes you get it :) I can well imagine those qualities would very much bring energy to a classroom, particularly when teaching a language. There needs to be an energy when learning a language, heads down and repetition drains the life from it.
In terms of cost and time, I’ve only really started doing the bar weightlifting at my current gym and only with my current trainer, so roughly two years. I had a lower back issue when I started there, pain every day, it would lock up, that kind of thing so the lower back had to be strengthened first before I could really bite down on anything else. I train with him once each week and alone 4 times a week. I’m strict with weekends being weight free.
There are slight variations to grip, to starting position in terms of foot placement etc but the overall position for a deadlift is that when you grip the bar ready to lift it, you sit back a little, then lift. This prevents you from leaning forward over the bar and placing more strain on the back. A deadlift works lots of muscles but it’s legs and glutes that should take the strain, not your back as such. Core should be engaged. Imagine the suspension tightening up on a sports car as it accelerates in sport mode. If the core is relaxed there is nothing active about the lift. It’s far easier to show than tell and having someone video the lift so you can watch it back works wonders. Lifting for me is all about consistency, keep showing up, trust the process and suddenly you start to make gains and see real change. It’s actually really empowering, great for self esteem.
Most importantly you need a lifting song. Haha! Can’t believe I’m sharing this! When I’m chasing that last rep or that extra kilo I have a song that always delivers. Retcon by Dylan Andre the lift is on one minute 20 seconds into the track. Works every time!
I’m very very sensitive to music, so playing the right song at the right time can give me that tiny bit more delivery. Don’t get me started on my training, we’ll be here all night!
Hehehe. What a great post!! TY!!!
LIFTING SONG!!! Great starting point for weights. I like this.
Before I wrote more, I listened to Retcon.- I could see you in that!!! hehehe. Pushing it, pushing it harder. Pushing it through to the end.
Inside me, is a weightlifter. Like you write: Easier to show: (and film)
Here is my favorite ACTIVE music
Iron Maiden esp The Trooper
Rammstein Everything!! hahaha. esp MOSKAU!!!
This is rhythmic anarchy - electric shocking shameless rebellion on a planetary scale.
Power and authority of youth to change the present order....
-smiles- maybe it is just me?
Best Wishes. Thanks for your encouraging words!! If I can follow through, I will put in a pull up bar in my house. I have the bar: I know where I want it. I am just not sure it will work and that I might not end up on my arse!!!
Hi Tim
I listened to some Iron Maiden, not really my usual style but actually, I was pleasantly surprised!
If you do install your pull up bar, try doing reverse pull ups to build strength first. So place a step below the bar, jump up to the bar so your starting position is chin above the bar ( basically where you would end up on a standard pull up.) then lower yourself slowly slowly down to to the step. Lowering yourself rather than lifting yourself is a great way to build towards a pull up. There are also some really great YouTube videos out there that can help you work towards a pull up. It took me five months from idea to first pull up, but I’m female, we don’t have as much muscle through the shoulders as men to start with. It’s a process, it takes time and practice but if you want it, you’ll get it.
Rhythmic anarchy eh ? :)
Yes, very much: Rhythmic Anarchy!! Refreshing and electric and rebellious. LIke in a preventive way, a healthy way.
You have come a long way the past 2 years!! Good for you!! You eat more: Are you confident of the food you eat? With every day more "food products" additives, pesticides etc? how do you increase your consumption without damage of poor food products? This waivers me from increase of consumption.
I grow some basics: Tomatoes onions chili and get fresh eggs- But it is difficult to find food (not food products)
Thanks for the wonderful suggest of 'reversal' - like a Pilates principle of "working it"? Even if that isn't quite pilates- yes. for sure. Great to build my muscle even at my age.
You mean most people can't do one pull up? I started doing them so early in life, I just thought "everyone" could do them. I went to a public school in Maine: But we were showered with every kind of advantage. The 60s you know!!! In PE we had all the equipment you could imagine. ALL of us competed in the President's programs those years.
Thank you for your kind suggestions and your time to help me out. Female is very cool and it seems a great time to be female. I am very happy to see you break out and refuse to accept limits. You put a big smile on my face!!
Hi Tim,
Honestly, I think that’s right, a lot of people can’t manage one pull up. Funnily enough my son just turned 17, swimming in testosterone, he can, but it’s kind of a bit of a jump, a leg swing and a haul up there! Guys who don’t train, might get one or two, but can’t get past one or two, naturally at least. Depends on their line of work too I think.
Food wise, it’s a battle. I’m not a big eater, certainly not a big meat eater, so for me it’s free range chicken, fish, a lot of eggs and I supplement with protein powder from time to time. I eat clean, avoid processed as much as possible and limit obvious carbs such as bread pasta and rice. The easy wins, but I’m not super strict in terms of counting macros etc, life is too short and I’m too old to ever be an athlete. I train because I really enjoy it and it’s good for my mental well-being, particularly in winter. Increased confidence has been a nice side effect of training. I can’t imagine ever not training now, it’ll just be different as I age.
I agree, I think sports in schools has changed, particularly in England. There seemed to be greater variety, more options when I was a kid. Similarly, when I was a kid, there was less to do, we went outside to entertain ourselves, things are different now. So much to entertain.
I’m glad I made you smile. I think it’s a great time to be an older woman, I think young women today have it tougher than I did if I’m honest but that might simply be a matter of perspective.
"It seems to me that neurotypicals do have a different response to getting to the place that they wanted to. It seems that they celebrate the achievement and often seem to consider that achievement to be a good stopping point."
Yeah, I'd say that's true overall. When milestones (or even small goals) are reached, there's a sense of satisfaction and satiety. For motivated people it's just for awhile though. It's like eating a good meal. You start out hungry, and when you finish you're satisfied and not hungry anymore. You get hungry again later.
With my hobbies I like to challenge myself, and although I reach goals that are good stopping points, it's temporary. However, I don't exceed my limits. I will find them, but once I know what they are, I avoid them in the future. One thing I do is singing, and part of the challenge itself is to learn the techniques that actually expand the limits. But when I hit a point where I know I'm hurting my voice, I rest for awhile. Usually I reach "good stopping points" before that happens, but not always. I'm always trying new techniques and seeing what I can do, but self-preservation definitely kicks in when (not if) lines are crossed.
I think you raise some interesting points. Over processed foods are killing us slowly and we are consuming it all willingly. In fairness, if you have a family and are hovering on the poverty line, the cheapest way to feed that family is probably to eat at Mc Donald’s. Healthy food is expensive and has become a luxury. That can’t be right in this day and age.
Birth rates are falling because the young are children for far longer, adopting a long life strategy and again can’t afford to get a house let alone afford children. Society has become more materialistic and overall more selfish so it’s no surprise that they have no desire to sacrifice what little disposable income they have on children.
I think men now don’t really know what is expected of them either. Everyone seems to be so easily offended. Even holding a door open for a woman can be taken the wrong way. It all just became too difficult, so many social pitfalls and traps, so much criticism. Easier to just stay home and watch porn.
I do feel bad for younger guys at the moment, young women too but guys more so.
I have a boy and a girl 16&17. In many ways they are lucky, there is no uncomfortable mystery as regards the opposite sex so both seem confident moving between groups but for many, social awkwardness and fear is impacting people’s ability to interact in the real world. It becomes awkward, nerve racking and it is far easier to resort to the safer option, online interactions. Be who you want to be, look how you want to look, escape to fantasy land whilst all the time you are simultaneously becoming more isolated, more socially awkward. Rates of depression are higher than ever, so much anxiety for the young, climate anxiety, job anxiety, social anxiety, no wonder people aren’t finding partners, they’re too anxious to just be themselves.
Worrying times across the board I think. I do worry what the world will look like when my kids are my age. All I can do is work hard and ensure they have the best start to adulthood I can give them. Love them and be there to support when needed. I suppose that hasn’t changed, each generation of parents has likely said the same thing.