Same Movie

Different screens...

This is a post about perspectives, and how different one person’s perspective may be from another, regarding the same circumstances. However, before we proceed, a disclaimer. It is a short post this week. The remake of Silent Hill 2 drops Tuesday, and I have early access, sooooo… that’s pretty much all I care about this week.

Two weeks ago, Jess was going to answer some of your questions. I suggested that she take a collection of the questions that all concerned the same issue, and combine them into a post. However, she and I didn’t have clear enough communication regarding it, so when she gave me her post, it was too short. My thought when I got it was, all right, I will drop one of my drafts, and we can get back to questions next week. So, that’s what I did. My entire perspective was:

Problem: Writing not long enough

Solution: Drop other writing

End of issue.

That is not how it went for Jess. Now, in fairness to Jess, I didn’t communicate this to her prior to the substitute post. In fairness to me, however, this was about four o’clock in the morning when I scheduled the post to go up at noon. She was not awake at that time. I didn’t have any problem with the substitution, and I was not in any way bothered by it in any way. After all, this is my Substack, and therefore my responsibility to make sure you guys have something to read on Wednesdays. Any writing Jess does is a kindness that she is providing, and certainly not something that I can have expectations about.

Jess:

So Athena has asked me to respond to a post from 2 weeks ago. I had thought I had written enough to answer the first question for the article Ask A Psychopaths Friend, but apparently she didn't feel it was long enough or perhaps there was insufficient material to post that week. When I saw that she had not posted what I had written and sent her, I felt as though I had really let her down, and that didn't sit well with me. You see, I am devoted to my family. Athena and her SO are family to me. Letting down someone that I care so deeply for makes me question myself in many ways. 

First off, it had been a long time since I had written anything, and you know what they say "If you don't use it, you lose it" I was truly apprehensive to put myself out there, but Athena encouraged me to do so. What possible contribution could I possibly make with regards to this topic? Then the next question. Did I let her down? and so on. So I sat in my studio worrying about it. Worried and concerned. Wondering what her perspective and perception was. And crap, just like that, I was somewhat feeling like a failure. Like I had let her down, and all of you as well. 

It wasn't until I went upstairs and asked her that I felt some much-needed relief. She was fine and explained what the deal was. 

Back to me:

I found this difference to be quite stark. What I thought of as literally nothing beyond a shift in direction, Jess was emotionally upset by this. How a psychopath interprets the world and situations is contrary to most neurotypicals. How most neurotypicals interpret things are completely foreign to us. At no time that morning did I think of changing the post to be anything other than something that needed to be done. I found out very differently, later that day.

In the same way that we do not understand why certain things hurt you, be them comments, or occasions, or emotions, we do not understand that a situation like this might cause a bit of distress. Had this been the other way around, and Jess was the one that was in my position, and I in hers, I would have shrugged when I saw the different post and reclarify with her what it was she needed from me. Then, I would do it immediately, so I wouldn’t have to deal with it later on.

If you know a psychopath, and you expect that person to predict what it is that you might be feeling, chances are, you are asking too much of them. That is why communication is so significant when it comes to this sort of relationship. If you aren’t speaking with one another, there is no way that either one of you are on the same page. You have to understand, there is no similarity to how we are emotionally to how neurotypicals are. Often I find that when neurotypicals do not understand how we are thinking, they will fill in the blanks in their minds with what amounts to fantasy.

You can see this in the comments that I get:

Listening to the way you describe this I don't think you're a psychopath at all…I think you want to be a psychopath but I don't think you are…and i have a real nack for spotting them…first of all…heres my problem with all you public psychopaths…true psychopaths rarely see anything wrong with themselves…they generally feel superior to everyone around them…and even if they did know and accept the fact that they were psychopaths they would never ever openly admit it…just trust me on this one man…youre not a psychopath…my bet is you got bullied a lot…started playing crazy to try to ward bullies off…some of em bought it so you started to believe it yourself…it's the same routine this guy i knew named shawn pulled all the time…big mouth all show attention seeking outwardly arrogant but inwardly he was a coward…afraid of his own shadow…i think telling his therapist how “bad” he was gave him some sense of pleasure…he got to paint the picture for her…so instead of painting himself a feeble frightened weak victim…he portrayed himself as the fearless psychopath…but the only harm he would ever inflict was on himself…it was pitiful…i hope i see him again soon so I can torture him more…i did enjoy torturing him…i screwed the love of his life…and his sister…and took all his drugs from him…he still refused to fight me…which is a shame…now that wouldve been really fun…but anyway…you remind me of him…you're prey…not predator…thats why your eyes are so far apart…stop trying to be something you are not…just be a normal person…people will respect you more for being sincere and not living in a fantasy world…

This person not only has no idea what a psychopath is, they also do not have, “have a real nack for spotting them”. However, you can see all their built-in assumptions about how we are, how we think, and that they believe that they are an expert in something that they do not understand the very basics of.

Now, imagine this type of, fill in the blank, type expertise in a relationship. You can see that a person can construct all kinds of assumptions about their friend or Significant Other, that could not be further from the truth with concerted effort. It is kind of like the difference when you ask a woman if anything is wrong, and you get the, “I’m fine,” response when it is obvious that she is not, and the actual meaning of those words. They are night and day, and the same applies here.

When dealing with a psychopath and being in a relationship, communication is very needed. Instead of assumptions regarding a situation, it is better to simply ask. It likely will save you a bunch of unnecessary emotional turmoil.