My autistic childhood experience was similar. I recall my surprise when I discovered that people did not, in fact, say what they meant and what was on their minds. No, it went through filters. Social games.
Your “Why are they doing that?” question reminded me of something. I have always been the one to point out the elephant in the room. It was a “Well it’s there, let’s talk about it, why aren’t we talking about it?” mindset. Apparently that makes people uncomfortable. I don’t understand how not acknowledging something can be comforting. I also don’t understand denial.
“If you don’t tell me, how can I know?” is my catchphrase at this point. Keeping a problem you have with a friend or a partner a secret is something I cannot fathom. People complain to friends instead of talking to their partners. My response would be that if you had told me about this six months ago we could have resolved it with a single conversation
It is not my job to be a detective of your emotions.
Perhaps it is fear or anxiety, but I experience both and it does not hinder my forthrightness.
I know exactly what you mean. I have never understood people that will just ignore a problem. I cannot understand it. It can be anything from personal relationship problems that they let fester until it all blows up, to ignoring health problems until they are too large to be able to address.
"From creating screenshots of answers that I never wrote to questions that never existed on the site, to people pretending to be my Significant Other. People pretending that they know me, that they have met me, where I live, what I do, all the way down to doxxing people that have nothing to do with me, and creating fake psychologists to “debunk me”."
I can't fathom this kind of behavior; it's genuinely shocking and disturbing. The lengths people will go to fabricate entire narratives—creating fake screenshots of conversations that never happened, posing as someone’s significant other, or even pretending to have met and know intimate details about someone's life—are beyond comprehension. The fact that this extends to doxxing innocent people and inventing fake psychologists just to "debunk" you is not only cruel but deeply unsettling. It's troubling to see such a disregard for truth and privacy. This kind of behavior reflects a serious lack of empathy and an obsession that feels almost pathological. No one should have to endure this level of harassment or invasion of privacy. The line between reality and fabrication seems completely blurred for these individuals, and it's hard to understand what they hope to achieve through such malicious actions.
As a psychopath, it's natural for you to stay strong in the face of this absurdity, knowing that those who know you understand the truth, and no amount of deception or dishonesty can change that. For neurotypicals, it must be devastating when this occurs. I don't know if I am neurotypical or not, but I do think people are strange...
It's obsessive and time-consuming. It must make them feel clever or powerful—there has to be some reward for putting in that degree of effort. If it happened to me, I'd try to figure out what that reward was and do everything I could to deprive them of it. You can't engage with people like this. Did you have any idea who the perpetrator was?
I read it through. I guess I can relate to cognitive blocks regarding empathy. Emotions are really hard for us to gauge. They don't translate into the English language so easily. But as time went on, I can sort of guess what people mean through body language and what they said, especially if I've been with them a while. Would you say you have grown through this experience?
If you get information from body language, congratulations to you: Much better than me: Maybe I get it without knowing, but I can't see it and translate it into anything useful.
For example, Athena, do men look at you directly in your eyes? Can you say if you have done that? Have you ever looked at a man, a stranger, directly in the eyes, like across the room or such?
About 37 years ago, that happened to me: I didn't like it at all. I still remember and hope it doesn't happen again.
Apparently, eye contact, in that manner, is part of a sexual language, perhaps for attractive people. As I sit here considering, perhaps violent people also use direct eye contact before they engage in violence.
I have had to learn to not do that. I don't avoid eye contact with anyone. I don't have an aversion to it, so I had to learn that people do not like strangers looking them in the eye. I have not gotten the response from people that it is sexual in nature, more that it scares them.
Thanks for your reply. I am happy to be wrong but to learn.
Good to know I completely messed up on this (!!) - and that you better understand this aspect! Likely you, in union with your SO, do read and interpret the body language.
If he possesses an almost preternatural ability to understand people, this means he's probably highly empathetic. Having the emotions himself, he has intuitions about them. This is what feels like magic to Athena. Combine that with high intelligence and self-control where he can be analytical instead of emotional, and you get there. Might be a high-functioning non-neurotypical of a different kind but based on everything Athena has written about him I don't think he's in the psychopathic neighborhood of Non-NT Town.
I could be completely off the mark but this is what I think based on the limited information I have.
Thanks for the clarification. I'm tempted to delete the initial post to try and remove my foot from my mouth but this is interesting and valuable information so I'll resist :)
Advertising you're a psychopath is contrary to the mask. Why would a well evolved, intelligent, emphatic individual make themselves known as a psychopath? There's no reward in that
I’m having trouble accessing the “Ask a psychopaths friend” link. It says it is private and prompts me to sign in again. Afterwards, it still says that it is private. Did anyone else have trouble?
I don't think so. I had someone else tell me the same thing. It might have been an issue with the link I included. I changed it out for a different one, which seems to be working, now. I think it was on my end.
There’s a YouTuber I listen to who is asking for recommendations for people to take part in a rather different kind of interview. I think you would find the concept behind it interesting. Is there an email you could provide so I can forward the intro video to you and explain a little more about it?
Could you give an example of such an incidence, where your SO translated the emotional to the psychopathic??Also, what exactly did you see your SO do, which made people do things for him and which you replicated?
He explained to me what jealousy is and what it does to a person. I would see totally unreasonable behavior from people, and simply didn't get what their deal was. Putting it into the context of jealous behavior, I could understand the pattern after that, and was able to recognize it.
It's how he interacts with people. How he speaks to them, how he considers them, and how he makes them laugh.
Your SO could also write a post I suppose, explaining his interactions with people, how he considers and makes people laugh etc. It would be intriguing.
Thank you for the reading. I find your interaction with your SO very interesting. Can you give me a simple example of one something made sense after he explained to you?
Sure. He explained to me what jealousy is and what it does to a person. I would see totally unreasonable behavior from people, and simply didn't get what their deal was. Putting into the context of jealous behavior, I could understand the pattern after that, and was able to recognize it.
Hello Athena, I am a neurotypical person and I follow your blog with great interest.
I read Md’s comment on why people don’t say what they think and it’s something I don’t understand well either. I suppose that the reasons why the neurotypical world functions so are different (fear? hypocrisy? education?) but in the end even those of us who do not think so adapt to the dictates of society (a little like you do). Honestly, I don’t find many differences between the neurotypical world and not in this one. Nobody say that it thinks (you say to a neurotypical that you find his way of acting embarrassing?) and being neurotypical or it doesn’t have very little importance, maybe I’m wrong.
When you state that your SO described what was going through someone’s mind in a particular moment and conveyed this in an analytical way. Do you mean something similar to the following scenario.
Your friend had a beloved dog that died two weeks ago. You and your SO are hanging out at her house and she snaps at you over something trivial. You would ordinarily have looked at your own action and thought that this did not warrant being snapped at. Your SO explains that the snapping actually has nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do. Rather, the external stressor that is the loss of the beloved dog has worn away your friend’s usual laid back demeanour, she isn’t sleeping well due to grief, she is feeling incredibly sad, envious of every dog walker that passes her window and she is also angry, angry that her dog has been taken away from her. With these thoughts going through her head, her emotional empathy for you is vastly reduced, so, you say the wrong thing, (any thing could be the wrong thing here) she snaps. She isn’t actually snapping at you. She is snapping because she is grieving and her emotional empathy has been eroded by the external stressor.
Is this roughly how your SO would describe things to you? He isn’t describing how she FEELS as such, but he is placing her behaviour within the emotional context?
Thank you for your response. Im not sure I understand what you mean by the analytical part. Is it a mix of communication style plus a reading behind the words that your SO employs. An ability to understand genuine versus portrayed motivation for behaviour?
Someone else told me the same thing yesterday, but when I go to it signed out, it isn't private. I can't find any setting that would make it private, either. Maybe it has to do with the link itself, not the post. I will try that next
I enjoyed this post, it was very insightful.
My autistic childhood experience was similar. I recall my surprise when I discovered that people did not, in fact, say what they meant and what was on their minds. No, it went through filters. Social games.
Your “Why are they doing that?” question reminded me of something. I have always been the one to point out the elephant in the room. It was a “Well it’s there, let’s talk about it, why aren’t we talking about it?” mindset. Apparently that makes people uncomfortable. I don’t understand how not acknowledging something can be comforting. I also don’t understand denial.
“If you don’t tell me, how can I know?” is my catchphrase at this point. Keeping a problem you have with a friend or a partner a secret is something I cannot fathom. People complain to friends instead of talking to their partners. My response would be that if you had told me about this six months ago we could have resolved it with a single conversation
It is not my job to be a detective of your emotions.
Perhaps it is fear or anxiety, but I experience both and it does not hinder my forthrightness.
I know exactly what you mean. I have never understood people that will just ignore a problem. I cannot understand it. It can be anything from personal relationship problems that they let fester until it all blows up, to ignoring health problems until they are too large to be able to address.
Vexing
"From creating screenshots of answers that I never wrote to questions that never existed on the site, to people pretending to be my Significant Other. People pretending that they know me, that they have met me, where I live, what I do, all the way down to doxxing people that have nothing to do with me, and creating fake psychologists to “debunk me”."
I can't fathom this kind of behavior; it's genuinely shocking and disturbing. The lengths people will go to fabricate entire narratives—creating fake screenshots of conversations that never happened, posing as someone’s significant other, or even pretending to have met and know intimate details about someone's life—are beyond comprehension. The fact that this extends to doxxing innocent people and inventing fake psychologists just to "debunk" you is not only cruel but deeply unsettling. It's troubling to see such a disregard for truth and privacy. This kind of behavior reflects a serious lack of empathy and an obsession that feels almost pathological. No one should have to endure this level of harassment or invasion of privacy. The line between reality and fabrication seems completely blurred for these individuals, and it's hard to understand what they hope to achieve through such malicious actions.
As a psychopath, it's natural for you to stay strong in the face of this absurdity, knowing that those who know you understand the truth, and no amount of deception or dishonesty can change that. For neurotypicals, it must be devastating when this occurs. I don't know if I am neurotypical or not, but I do think people are strange...
They really are. It's strange behavior, and I can't imagine having someone else on the mind like that. It must be a difficult way of existing.
It's obsessive and time-consuming. It must make them feel clever or powerful—there has to be some reward for putting in that degree of effort. If it happened to me, I'd try to figure out what that reward was and do everything I could to deprive them of it. You can't engage with people like this. Did you have any idea who the perpetrator was?
There have been several. It isn't one person that can simply be identified.
I read it through. I guess I can relate to cognitive blocks regarding empathy. Emotions are really hard for us to gauge. They don't translate into the English language so easily. But as time went on, I can sort of guess what people mean through body language and what they said, especially if I've been with them a while. Would you say you have grown through this experience?
Yes, body language is very helpful in that regard
If you get information from body language, congratulations to you: Much better than me: Maybe I get it without knowing, but I can't see it and translate it into anything useful.
For example, Athena, do men look at you directly in your eyes? Can you say if you have done that? Have you ever looked at a man, a stranger, directly in the eyes, like across the room or such?
About 37 years ago, that happened to me: I didn't like it at all. I still remember and hope it doesn't happen again.
Apparently, eye contact, in that manner, is part of a sexual language, perhaps for attractive people. As I sit here considering, perhaps violent people also use direct eye contact before they engage in violence.
I have had to learn to not do that. I don't avoid eye contact with anyone. I don't have an aversion to it, so I had to learn that people do not like strangers looking them in the eye. I have not gotten the response from people that it is sexual in nature, more that it scares them.
Thanks for your reply. I am happy to be wrong but to learn.
Good to know I completely messed up on this (!!) - and that you better understand this aspect! Likely you, in union with your SO, do read and interpret the body language.
Thank you again. You really gave me a good smile!
With so many individuals and so many different life experiences can you ever figure out why someone acts the way they do?
Consistent observation
hahaha "Oh yeah, let me know if you have any questions…" hehehehe- You are too much!!!
It would make sense to me that your SO is a borderline psychopath and a rather intelligent person to know how to play with the best of both worlds.
It's possible, but I don't know.
If he possesses an almost preternatural ability to understand people, this means he's probably highly empathetic. Having the emotions himself, he has intuitions about them. This is what feels like magic to Athena. Combine that with high intelligence and self-control where he can be analytical instead of emotional, and you get there. Might be a high-functioning non-neurotypical of a different kind but based on everything Athena has written about him I don't think he's in the psychopathic neighborhood of Non-NT Town.
I could be completely off the mark but this is what I think based on the limited information I have.
Knowing him, I would say he is lower in empathy than most people.
I see, so I was way off. Higher than you, though?
In rare circumstances, yes. For the most part, however, in that regard, he is quite similar to me. Different in other ways, though
Thanks for the clarification. I'm tempted to delete the initial post to try and remove my foot from my mouth but this is interesting and valuable information so I'll resist :)
Why? You only asked a question.
Interesting read. How do you know if you're learning from an NT or just a really good psychopath?
I only know one other psychopath, and I learn a good deal from him as well
Advertising you're a psychopath is contrary to the mask. Why would a well evolved, intelligent, emphatic individual make themselves known as a psychopath? There's no reward in that
First, I am not an empathetic individual, and for the second question, I answered that here:
https://athenawalker.substack.com/p/why-do-i-write-about-psychopathy?utm_source=publication-search
I wasn't talking about you.
All right
I’m having trouble accessing the “Ask a psychopaths friend” link. It says it is private and prompts me to sign in again. Afterwards, it still says that it is private. Did anyone else have trouble?
Hopefully it is accessible now. I checked the settings, and it should have been, but reset it all the same. Let me know if that worked.
I’m in! I think my app was acting up.
I don't think so. I had someone else tell me the same thing. It might have been an issue with the link I included. I changed it out for a different one, which seems to be working, now. I think it was on my end.
I have just been in. Without any problems. So excited about Jess’ answers!
Excellent. Thank you for the update
Hi Athena,
There’s a YouTuber I listen to who is asking for recommendations for people to take part in a rather different kind of interview. I think you would find the concept behind it interesting. Is there an email you could provide so I can forward the intro video to you and explain a little more about it?
Thank you!
Therealathenawalker@gmail.com
Could you give an example of such an incidence, where your SO translated the emotional to the psychopathic??Also, what exactly did you see your SO do, which made people do things for him and which you replicated?
He explained to me what jealousy is and what it does to a person. I would see totally unreasonable behavior from people, and simply didn't get what their deal was. Putting it into the context of jealous behavior, I could understand the pattern after that, and was able to recognize it.
It's how he interacts with people. How he speaks to them, how he considers them, and how he makes them laugh.
Your SO could also write a post I suppose, explaining his interactions with people, how he considers and makes people laugh etc. It would be intriguing.
That is unlikely to happen
Thank you for the reading. I find your interaction with your SO very interesting. Can you give me a simple example of one something made sense after he explained to you?
Sure. He explained to me what jealousy is and what it does to a person. I would see totally unreasonable behavior from people, and simply didn't get what their deal was. Putting into the context of jealous behavior, I could understand the pattern after that, and was able to recognize it.
I'm NT but I agree with you... jealously doesn't make any sense! I would find hard to explain the logic of "if I spoil it for you, then I'll have it"
I think technically that's envy. It was weirdly well said by Homer Simpson:
Homer Simpson:
I'm not jealous, I'm envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. What I feel is envy.
Lisa Simpson:
[Checking into a dictionary] Wow, he's right
Hello Athena, I am a neurotypical person and I follow your blog with great interest.
I read Md’s comment on why people don’t say what they think and it’s something I don’t understand well either. I suppose that the reasons why the neurotypical world functions so are different (fear? hypocrisy? education?) but in the end even those of us who do not think so adapt to the dictates of society (a little like you do). Honestly, I don’t find many differences between the neurotypical world and not in this one. Nobody say that it thinks (you say to a neurotypical that you find his way of acting embarrassing?) and being neurotypical or it doesn’t have very little importance, maybe I’m wrong.
They function that way for the purpose of tribal living. Humans, for the most part, are tribal beings. They are wired for social cohesion.
When you state that your SO described what was going through someone’s mind in a particular moment and conveyed this in an analytical way. Do you mean something similar to the following scenario.
Your friend had a beloved dog that died two weeks ago. You and your SO are hanging out at her house and she snaps at you over something trivial. You would ordinarily have looked at your own action and thought that this did not warrant being snapped at. Your SO explains that the snapping actually has nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do. Rather, the external stressor that is the loss of the beloved dog has worn away your friend’s usual laid back demeanour, she isn’t sleeping well due to grief, she is feeling incredibly sad, envious of every dog walker that passes her window and she is also angry, angry that her dog has been taken away from her. With these thoughts going through her head, her emotional empathy for you is vastly reduced, so, you say the wrong thing, (any thing could be the wrong thing here) she snaps. She isn’t actually snapping at you. She is snapping because she is grieving and her emotional empathy has been eroded by the external stressor.
Is this roughly how your SO would describe things to you? He isn’t describing how she FEELS as such, but he is placing her behaviour within the emotional context?
No, that would be something I would have been able to discern without his help.
Thank you for your response. Im not sure I understand what you mean by the analytical part. Is it a mix of communication style plus a reading behind the words that your SO employs. An ability to understand genuine versus portrayed motivation for behaviour?
It is his ability to translate things from an emotional world into a psychopathic one, I suppose is the best way to describe it
I wouldn’t mind learning that talent myself!
Thank you for your patience with the questions.
The link to your friend’s page says it’s private
I changed the link completely. Hopefully that solves the problem
Someone else told me the same thing yesterday, but when I go to it signed out, it isn't private. I can't find any setting that would make it private, either. Maybe it has to do with the link itself, not the post. I will try that next
Are you THAT Athena? And who is this pretend partner you speak of?
What are you talking about?
Hey Athena, can you please show your feet in the next blog entry. Would be amazing. Thank you
I heard she only has one toe and she only sleeps for 1 hour a week.