A need for control is exercised by people as a substitute for true intimacy in a relationship. That's why it's recognized as immature behavior by most people. And of course immature people trade in illusions because they are still working on the level of transaction.
The awful teacher example: I was terrified of a crazy teacher that was not my own classroom teacher, thank heavens. On the days when he was on playground duty I was churning and sick from the moment I woke up, and spent the day desperately avoiding him, very casually like, a technique that later served me well with Russian police. I lived in terror of his being my classroom teacher in the next year. My parents could have been no help in this. One time in the playground he shouted at me furiously out of nowhere for absolutely no reason and I wet myself in terror and then had to deal with the shame of that. I was 9, so there was no way I could have had the insight or detachment to take an uminvolved stance. This is how it is for us non psycopaths.To think of a teacher going berserk and not caring is unimaginable, but oh so appealing!
How about if somebody (in a way they wouldn't normally) attempts to force somebody else to do or not do something (against their wishes at the time) that relates to potentially (or actually) saving their life (assuming that they don't want to die at that point or don't want to die as a result of causing themselves a serious accident). Curious to know your thoughts on such a situation type.
See this is where I get confused. I don't care if I get fired. I don't care if I offended someone, I have no interest in manipulation or control, wealth or success. I don't care about bills, fame, social status. I am definitely not a psychopath. What gives you drive to do the things you do? Does money motivate you? What drives you to work towards your goals and what are your goals? What makes you happy? What are you working towards? That's what I want to know.
Wow. I would like to apply some of these things to my life. I have dealt with situations mostly emotionally, not with logic. Looking back, I know I could have done so many things differently if I broke it down to basics
Apr 14, 2022·edited Apr 14, 2022Liked by Athena Walker
Yes Athena, to all of this post.
Am a senior tax preparer, everyone in this profession is currently running on fumes .
Here's today's example of a client calling to rant about his tax return. (As an aside, I found out his wife had called yesterday about the same issue which my boss thoroughly explained to her.)
Here goes...
The husband calls with the exact issue/question with an agressively loud tone of voice. I responded with an assertive answer/offer to assist. He then proceeded to call me rude.
I decided to play this as a Chess game.
De-escalated the situation by slowing and lowering my voice to a "therapist's voice".
Suggested we might start the conversation over. Gave him time to think and agree.
I then walked him through his/their entire tax return line item by line item. When he became agitated we backed up to the prior understood line item.
All the while I used the calm patient voice .
Took about an hour of time.
I put the fire out, blacklisted him/wife for next year (my reward), decided I'd had enough and read Chess theory until time to leave .
A need for control is exercised by people as a substitute for true intimacy in a relationship. That's why it's recognized as immature behavior by most people. And of course immature people trade in illusions because they are still working on the level of transaction.
Not caring always came naturally to me. It's very liberating.
The awful teacher example: I was terrified of a crazy teacher that was not my own classroom teacher, thank heavens. On the days when he was on playground duty I was churning and sick from the moment I woke up, and spent the day desperately avoiding him, very casually like, a technique that later served me well with Russian police. I lived in terror of his being my classroom teacher in the next year. My parents could have been no help in this. One time in the playground he shouted at me furiously out of nowhere for absolutely no reason and I wet myself in terror and then had to deal with the shame of that. I was 9, so there was no way I could have had the insight or detachment to take an uminvolved stance. This is how it is for us non psycopaths.To think of a teacher going berserk and not caring is unimaginable, but oh so appealing!
How about if somebody (in a way they wouldn't normally) attempts to force somebody else to do or not do something (against their wishes at the time) that relates to potentially (or actually) saving their life (assuming that they don't want to die at that point or don't want to die as a result of causing themselves a serious accident). Curious to know your thoughts on such a situation type.
And good article! Thanks for sharing.
See this is where I get confused. I don't care if I get fired. I don't care if I offended someone, I have no interest in manipulation or control, wealth or success. I don't care about bills, fame, social status. I am definitely not a psychopath. What gives you drive to do the things you do? Does money motivate you? What drives you to work towards your goals and what are your goals? What makes you happy? What are you working towards? That's what I want to know.
Wow. I would like to apply some of these things to my life. I have dealt with situations mostly emotionally, not with logic. Looking back, I know I could have done so many things differently if I broke it down to basics
Yes Athena, to all of this post.
Am a senior tax preparer, everyone in this profession is currently running on fumes .
Here's today's example of a client calling to rant about his tax return. (As an aside, I found out his wife had called yesterday about the same issue which my boss thoroughly explained to her.)
Here goes...
The husband calls with the exact issue/question with an agressively loud tone of voice. I responded with an assertive answer/offer to assist. He then proceeded to call me rude.
I decided to play this as a Chess game.
De-escalated the situation by slowing and lowering my voice to a "therapist's voice".
Suggested we might start the conversation over. Gave him time to think and agree.
I then walked him through his/their entire tax return line item by line item. When he became agitated we backed up to the prior understood line item.
All the while I used the calm patient voice .
Took about an hour of time.
I put the fire out, blacklisted him/wife for next year (my reward), decided I'd had enough and read Chess theory until time to leave .
Have you ever had to deal with catcalls? How did you deal with them?