Situational awareness is something few people actually develop unless there is some driving factor that requires one to detatch from their “ feelings” or emotions that normally dictate or determine any potential for a bad outcome . My sister recently received a 30 k ring from her significant other ….she had no sense of modesty or anything remotely related to a sense of humility or caution in boldly displaying it in front of large groups of people over the holidays . When I questioned “ what the fuck are you thinking ? Why don’t you just put a neon sign on your back that says “ I’m an idiot that needs attention so badly I’ll risk myself , my children and my home being attacked just to feel the dopamine hit of others approval and admiration. She became very upset I would suggest such a thing …..until I got an old contact on the phone that has numerous pawn shops to speak about how jewelry and high value items are targeted stolen and fenced in affluent areas and the people that will not think twice about harming anyone unlucky enough to be in their way when a crew targets them and decides the where and when having already lined up a source to liquidate the items . She couldn’t get her arms around that possibility when juxtaposed against her need for approval and attention.
You put it well in your post saying “ the world doesn’t care about you , your safety or any outcomes and any ideas of implied safety are fantasy for fools . Loss is life …. From the first breath to the last , learning to value what is important isn’t an innate ability for many people …. All to often the “ don’t do dumb shit “ database is an empty excel spreadsheet where feelings , emotions and utter ignorance determine one’s total lack of attention, awareness ( both self and environmental) until an event occurs that shakes the foundations into an upgrade of one’s operating system. I learned of loss early on , it’s effects and the value of letting it set in , taking note of why it was affecting my perspectives and adopting an understanding that acceptance is best along with a gratitude for recognizing the importance of those things we experience things like grief , remorse , sadness or emptiness over . All too often the loss represents our failure to value what that loss …. Be it time , people , pets or opportunities. I believe it was a Sherlock Holmes line that said “ once you eliminate the impossible what remains is truth no matter how improbable. I’ll leave that to whomever to apply however they wish contextually . Great post Athena -BB
It’s one of the most unfortunate and saddest parts of life that we have to learn who not to trust - at least until that trust is earned. What bothers me and others like me is the fact that this mistrust, by necessity, preempts acts of kindness that - in a perfect world - would be second nature. And should be, in my opinion. The best compromise is, as you said, to find a solution for the hypothetical chance that the person or persons in need really is/are in a bad way. A stoic “Look, I don’t know you. You could be lying. I have to keep myself and my family safe. You can understand this, I’m calling 911 for you and I’ll keep watching over you until they arrive” is the best one can do under the circumstances. Not ideal, but doable. If things go sideways - let’s say someone one attacks the person at your door, and you can’t tell if it’s real or staged - then you have to make a hard choice to act or hold your ground. Personally, I’d have to assume the attack was real. It’s a sad state of affairs when people are able to exploit your kindness and compassion this way. I guess for a ‘good’ person (that being aNT who wants to be the best person they can manage to be) you’re only takeaway is that you tried, and failed only because the other person or persons didn’t care about you or anyone but themselves. Life isn’t fair, and situations like this really drive that point home.
Long-winded diatribe, but sincere. Thanks again for another helpful post.
The 'I Survived a Serial Killer' show is good, The reference reminded me of a crazy story in the book 'The Psychopath Whisperer' by Kent Kiehl, one of the psychopaths he profiles in the book Brian Dugan (a serial killer) was actually picked up by John Wayne Gacy (a serial killer) when he was a kid, Gacy didn't end up murdering him (just made him perform a sex act on him) and he got away. They asked Brian if it affected him and he said 'no not really, it wasn't a big deal' Kielhl remarks, 'he described his assault by Gacy as if he was telling me a story about putting his shoes on in the morning' no emotional damage, no trauma, no PTSD, stark comparison to the survivors on the show you mentioned. Very interesting!
Dec 29, 2022·edited Dec 29, 2022Liked by Athena Walker
This post reminded me of something that happened to me when I was 15 years old.When I was going back home from school I saw an older man following me,at first I wasn't worried because I remembered that he lives in the same neighborhood as me.The next day he followed me again when I was coming home,but I got suspicious because it seemed to me like he knew when I was coming home and he was again waiting on a bus stop,and as soon as I got off the bus he started following me again.The same thing kept happening for the entire month.He didn't even stop when told him that I will call the police.I talked to my sister about that,hoping that she could help me,but she didn't know what to do.After three months I decided to call the police,but after explaining to them what was happening for the past four months they just told me that they can't do anything because he didn't harm me in any way.For the next two years I kept calling the police (I think I called them around fifty times) and got the same answer as the first time.One day,it was saturday I think,I was home alone working on something when I heard door opening,I knew it wasn't my mother and sister,they were both at work.When I saw his face, I immediately took the hammer that I was working with and walked towards him. As soon as he saw that I had the hammer in my hand, he started looking around in a panic and acted as if he had entered the wrong apartment. He started looking for excuses,how he thought his friend lives here. I told him to get out. After that he didn't follow me anymore and didn't even look at me.
It was pretty stressful experience,but I learned some useful lessons after that:
Lesson 1:Lock your door even if you are home
Lesson 2:Don't call the police,they are useless (I'm just kidding of course,always call the police when something like this happens to you)
Lesson 3:Always have hammer close to you,it's the best weapon,or a machete (I have one and it's pretty useful)
I had a former significant other who, although very intelligent, was the most oblivious person I've ever met. Our relationship deteriorated because he allowed dangerous people into our lives, and I finally got fed up enough to end it, especially after one man considered me to be his "cosmic wife", (whatever that means), and stalked me while my ex thought I was exaggerating the threat. The guy is in prison now, which is too long a story to go into here, but it proves that I was right to consider him to be dangerous. Another friend of my ex's, Randy Comeaux, is also in prison. He was a police officer who became known as the Lafayette rapist. But, my point is that sometimes a significant other allows dangerous people into your life, and if they don't care that you feel threatened, that should be a definite deal breaker. No partner is worth jeopardizing your safety for.
Dec 29, 2022·edited Dec 29, 2022Liked by Athena Walker
Do you think being present 'in the moment' allows us to think more logically than emotionally? I have noticed that while conversing, people rarely look each other in the eyes and focus only on their voice, which is why they feel intensely weird when they randomly make eye contact with a stranger.
There was an incident where I once decided to really look at a girl's face while talking to her, and then she told me something which I instinctively felt was a lie, from just the way she started smiling a little more. ( I had never deduced anything like that before when I talked to anyone)My other classmate found nothing odd in it, and yes I was right. She was pranking us.
Here is a short list of some of the things in my own personal "don't be an idiot database".
1. Trust people's actions, not their words. If their words match their actions, then great! If not, don't let yourself be gaslighted.
2. Be careful about the information you give others, assume everything can and will be used against you. Yes even stuff that appears inconsequential.
3. Try your best to appear confident, malicious individuals typically target people they see as vulnerable, and always have a backup plan.
4. If you reject someone and they ask you "why?" you rejected them, they are trying to convince you that you're wrong and that you should give them a chance. They don't respect you, run away.
For me, part of the process was learning self respect and learning to trust myself, and the other part was unlearning the idea installed in me that if I disagreed with someone, then the other person was automatically right by default.
There's a saying: "Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions ".
It's entirely possible to learn from other people's bad decisions, but the pedagogic potential is arguably lesser to one's own custom made muck ups. So in a way, doing lots of foolish things and somehow surviving is the fast track to wisdom - provided one does not lack the ability to self-reflect and effectively learn from their mistakes a get a database going.
We just lead different lives and the things that form my biases come from experiencing life thru a much different set of environmental and life /work circumstances. I don’t think either of us ever let a “ jealousy or envy of material items be an issue …seems like wasted time on wrong thing in my mind . If anything I think it’s great she’s been able to raise her children well while navigatong a divorce and then found a solid SO again with out the hardships many bring upon themselves as failure to recognize their own poor , idiotic, ignorant , unaware …. Pick your word of the day ingrained habitual behaviors bite them in the ass repeatedly . I could lighten up I imagine …. But the world has shifted significantly in just 20 years and what was once unthinkable or seldom thought problematic has masticized into overwhelming change in how crimes are perceived , who’s rights are more important ,how your skin color determines how your treated across the board from entitlements to social justice , sexual preference, gender self identity , equity and inclusion nonsense that makes anything a racial issue and educational standards that punish achievement while rewarding the weak as the bar is lowered year after year . There was a time not long ago that things worked ….pride in one’s self , one’s country , pride of self empowerment and pursuit of goals that improve our surroundings….rule of law being enforced as it was envisioned , agencies that stayed within their scope and purpose with a society protected by a military that understood its purpose along with the actual definition of “ martial” ….. the thought of losing her and anyone in my immediate sphere to an easily avoidable circumstance is upsetting to imagine for me …. I can take being accused of being jealous or anything if my observation results in a subtle change that may be the thing that spurs a different line of thought on showboating . If i want a 30k ring I’ll just buy one and look like an effeminate fool with gender issues . Last time I checked New sisters are in short supply and the one I have …, irreplaceable.❤️✅😎
Situational awareness is something few people actually develop unless there is some driving factor that requires one to detatch from their “ feelings” or emotions that normally dictate or determine any potential for a bad outcome . My sister recently received a 30 k ring from her significant other ….she had no sense of modesty or anything remotely related to a sense of humility or caution in boldly displaying it in front of large groups of people over the holidays . When I questioned “ what the fuck are you thinking ? Why don’t you just put a neon sign on your back that says “ I’m an idiot that needs attention so badly I’ll risk myself , my children and my home being attacked just to feel the dopamine hit of others approval and admiration. She became very upset I would suggest such a thing …..until I got an old contact on the phone that has numerous pawn shops to speak about how jewelry and high value items are targeted stolen and fenced in affluent areas and the people that will not think twice about harming anyone unlucky enough to be in their way when a crew targets them and decides the where and when having already lined up a source to liquidate the items . She couldn’t get her arms around that possibility when juxtaposed against her need for approval and attention.
You put it well in your post saying “ the world doesn’t care about you , your safety or any outcomes and any ideas of implied safety are fantasy for fools . Loss is life …. From the first breath to the last , learning to value what is important isn’t an innate ability for many people …. All to often the “ don’t do dumb shit “ database is an empty excel spreadsheet where feelings , emotions and utter ignorance determine one’s total lack of attention, awareness ( both self and environmental) until an event occurs that shakes the foundations into an upgrade of one’s operating system. I learned of loss early on , it’s effects and the value of letting it set in , taking note of why it was affecting my perspectives and adopting an understanding that acceptance is best along with a gratitude for recognizing the importance of those things we experience things like grief , remorse , sadness or emptiness over . All too often the loss represents our failure to value what that loss …. Be it time , people , pets or opportunities. I believe it was a Sherlock Holmes line that said “ once you eliminate the impossible what remains is truth no matter how improbable. I’ll leave that to whomever to apply however they wish contextually . Great post Athena -BB
It’s one of the most unfortunate and saddest parts of life that we have to learn who not to trust - at least until that trust is earned. What bothers me and others like me is the fact that this mistrust, by necessity, preempts acts of kindness that - in a perfect world - would be second nature. And should be, in my opinion. The best compromise is, as you said, to find a solution for the hypothetical chance that the person or persons in need really is/are in a bad way. A stoic “Look, I don’t know you. You could be lying. I have to keep myself and my family safe. You can understand this, I’m calling 911 for you and I’ll keep watching over you until they arrive” is the best one can do under the circumstances. Not ideal, but doable. If things go sideways - let’s say someone one attacks the person at your door, and you can’t tell if it’s real or staged - then you have to make a hard choice to act or hold your ground. Personally, I’d have to assume the attack was real. It’s a sad state of affairs when people are able to exploit your kindness and compassion this way. I guess for a ‘good’ person (that being aNT who wants to be the best person they can manage to be) you’re only takeaway is that you tried, and failed only because the other person or persons didn’t care about you or anyone but themselves. Life isn’t fair, and situations like this really drive that point home.
Long-winded diatribe, but sincere. Thanks again for another helpful post.
The 'I Survived a Serial Killer' show is good, The reference reminded me of a crazy story in the book 'The Psychopath Whisperer' by Kent Kiehl, one of the psychopaths he profiles in the book Brian Dugan (a serial killer) was actually picked up by John Wayne Gacy (a serial killer) when he was a kid, Gacy didn't end up murdering him (just made him perform a sex act on him) and he got away. They asked Brian if it affected him and he said 'no not really, it wasn't a big deal' Kielhl remarks, 'he described his assault by Gacy as if he was telling me a story about putting his shoes on in the morning' no emotional damage, no trauma, no PTSD, stark comparison to the survivors on the show you mentioned. Very interesting!
This post reminded me of something that happened to me when I was 15 years old.When I was going back home from school I saw an older man following me,at first I wasn't worried because I remembered that he lives in the same neighborhood as me.The next day he followed me again when I was coming home,but I got suspicious because it seemed to me like he knew when I was coming home and he was again waiting on a bus stop,and as soon as I got off the bus he started following me again.The same thing kept happening for the entire month.He didn't even stop when told him that I will call the police.I talked to my sister about that,hoping that she could help me,but she didn't know what to do.After three months I decided to call the police,but after explaining to them what was happening for the past four months they just told me that they can't do anything because he didn't harm me in any way.For the next two years I kept calling the police (I think I called them around fifty times) and got the same answer as the first time.One day,it was saturday I think,I was home alone working on something when I heard door opening,I knew it wasn't my mother and sister,they were both at work.When I saw his face, I immediately took the hammer that I was working with and walked towards him. As soon as he saw that I had the hammer in my hand, he started looking around in a panic and acted as if he had entered the wrong apartment. He started looking for excuses,how he thought his friend lives here. I told him to get out. After that he didn't follow me anymore and didn't even look at me.
It was pretty stressful experience,but I learned some useful lessons after that:
Lesson 1:Lock your door even if you are home
Lesson 2:Don't call the police,they are useless (I'm just kidding of course,always call the police when something like this happens to you)
Lesson 3:Always have hammer close to you,it's the best weapon,or a machete (I have one and it's pretty useful)
I had a former significant other who, although very intelligent, was the most oblivious person I've ever met. Our relationship deteriorated because he allowed dangerous people into our lives, and I finally got fed up enough to end it, especially after one man considered me to be his "cosmic wife", (whatever that means), and stalked me while my ex thought I was exaggerating the threat. The guy is in prison now, which is too long a story to go into here, but it proves that I was right to consider him to be dangerous. Another friend of my ex's, Randy Comeaux, is also in prison. He was a police officer who became known as the Lafayette rapist. But, my point is that sometimes a significant other allows dangerous people into your life, and if they don't care that you feel threatened, that should be a definite deal breaker. No partner is worth jeopardizing your safety for.
Do you think being present 'in the moment' allows us to think more logically than emotionally? I have noticed that while conversing, people rarely look each other in the eyes and focus only on their voice, which is why they feel intensely weird when they randomly make eye contact with a stranger.
There was an incident where I once decided to really look at a girl's face while talking to her, and then she told me something which I instinctively felt was a lie, from just the way she started smiling a little more. ( I had never deduced anything like that before when I talked to anyone)My other classmate found nothing odd in it, and yes I was right. She was pranking us.
Here is a short list of some of the things in my own personal "don't be an idiot database".
1. Trust people's actions, not their words. If their words match their actions, then great! If not, don't let yourself be gaslighted.
2. Be careful about the information you give others, assume everything can and will be used against you. Yes even stuff that appears inconsequential.
3. Try your best to appear confident, malicious individuals typically target people they see as vulnerable, and always have a backup plan.
4. If you reject someone and they ask you "why?" you rejected them, they are trying to convince you that you're wrong and that you should give them a chance. They don't respect you, run away.
For me, part of the process was learning self respect and learning to trust myself, and the other part was unlearning the idea installed in me that if I disagreed with someone, then the other person was automatically right by default.
"Don't be an idiot" database = awesome terminology.
Thank you again Athen for your daily dose of wisdom
There's a saying: "Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions ".
It's entirely possible to learn from other people's bad decisions, but the pedagogic potential is arguably lesser to one's own custom made muck ups. So in a way, doing lots of foolish things and somehow surviving is the fast track to wisdom - provided one does not lack the ability to self-reflect and effectively learn from their mistakes a get a database going.
We just lead different lives and the things that form my biases come from experiencing life thru a much different set of environmental and life /work circumstances. I don’t think either of us ever let a “ jealousy or envy of material items be an issue …seems like wasted time on wrong thing in my mind . If anything I think it’s great she’s been able to raise her children well while navigatong a divorce and then found a solid SO again with out the hardships many bring upon themselves as failure to recognize their own poor , idiotic, ignorant , unaware …. Pick your word of the day ingrained habitual behaviors bite them in the ass repeatedly . I could lighten up I imagine …. But the world has shifted significantly in just 20 years and what was once unthinkable or seldom thought problematic has masticized into overwhelming change in how crimes are perceived , who’s rights are more important ,how your skin color determines how your treated across the board from entitlements to social justice , sexual preference, gender self identity , equity and inclusion nonsense that makes anything a racial issue and educational standards that punish achievement while rewarding the weak as the bar is lowered year after year . There was a time not long ago that things worked ….pride in one’s self , one’s country , pride of self empowerment and pursuit of goals that improve our surroundings….rule of law being enforced as it was envisioned , agencies that stayed within their scope and purpose with a society protected by a military that understood its purpose along with the actual definition of “ martial” ….. the thought of losing her and anyone in my immediate sphere to an easily avoidable circumstance is upsetting to imagine for me …. I can take being accused of being jealous or anything if my observation results in a subtle change that may be the thing that spurs a different line of thought on showboating . If i want a 30k ring I’ll just buy one and look like an effeminate fool with gender issues . Last time I checked New sisters are in short supply and the one I have …, irreplaceable.❤️✅😎