What Do I get Out Of It?

Trust me... I will find something...

Everyone has a currency. Everyone. There is not one person who doesn’t have something that will serve as a good negotiation tool. Everyone also has things that they have no interest in doing. This includes psychopaths, and those who know me know exactly what mine is. In fact, while writing this I asked a friend and my Significant Other, “If you want me to do something, what is my currency?”

Significant Other: Red wine

Friend: Pizza

My SO nailed it, my friend also nailed it, but there is more than pizza though that is a very good bet. Food would have also been an acceptable answer. If you want me to do something, wine, and food are a good place to begin negotiations.

Friend: “I need help clearing out a storage unit.”

Me: “Sigh…”

Friend: I’ll buy you pizza…

Me: “Deal. What are you still doing in the house? Let’s go!”

Food is something that I enjoy, and much like Cage and I discussed in the comments section of last week’s post, when there is something that I have to do, or somewhere I have to go, the first thing I am going to look for is what I can try that I have never had before. It really doesn’t matter the reason or the tone of the trip or the event, I am going to look for what I get to eat.

This is an extension of self-focus. If I have to do something that I do not want to do, I will find something that will benefit me regardless. In my case, that thing will be centered around food. I found it interesting that Cage and I had similar thoughts regarding food, but I don’t imagine that this is entirely universal among psychopaths. I would think that psychopaths come with the same spectrum of taste capability as any other group of humans. Some are non-tasters, some are medium-tasters, and some are super-tasters.

Nontaster: a person with hypogeusia, especially a person whose sensitivity to bitter or spicy tastes is lower than average

Medium-taster: The person who experiences the average sense of observation in taste is named as a medium taster

Supertaster- a person whose sense of taste is of far greater intensity than the average person, having an elevated taste response

I don’t see why psychopaths would be immune to this spectrum, so I imagine that there are plenty of psychopaths that wouldn’t share the same affinity for food. Their currency would be entirely different, but the behavior would be the same but focused on whatever their currency is.

In my experience, food is a great motivator, and may also be the main thing that I recall from any given situation. The other person involved might remember that we went on a road trip together, but that detail may escape me after a while, and I may not even recall where I had whatever delicious food I ate, but I usually remember the food itself. That is, until I get focused on something else, then I may forget that I have ever eaten it, to begin with.

That is what happened with Spaghetti aglio e olio, which is something that I can make a few different varieties of, all of them being delicious, but after I didn’t make it for a time, I not only forgot that I had eaten it previously, but that I was skilled at making it. Now that I remember, I am back to making it somewhat regularly.

If someone wants something from me and wants me to be enthusiastic, utilizing my currency is normally the only method that is going to work. That isn’t to say that I won’t help out a friend, but it will happen far faster if there is something in it for me, and I am open about this fact.

Even if I am not, however, I will find something that will benefit me regardless of what it is that we are doing with very rare exceptions.

I can understand if this seems rather selfish, and in reality, it is, but that is how we are wired. If you want something from us we are going to look at how we can make that thing that you want serve us up some sort of benefit. Always remember, everything for us is transactional, even if no one else is involved in the transaction. If I have something I have to do, somewhere I have to go, and I don’t want to, I will find something about it that will make it more palatable and therefore something I am willing to do.

Psychopaths are reward driven and as we grow up, the dealer of those rewards will transfer from caregivers, like parents, to ourselves. I bribe myself on a regular basis, and I also use rewards as my motivation to complete whatever daily task I have in front of me that I am uninterested in doing.

Vacuum the house?

“I don’t wanna.”

If you do, you can make this:

Me: Ooooo!! I want that. I bought all the ingredients for it… all right, vacuuming it is.

And yes… it’s freaking delicious and easy. Here is the recipe link for those of you that think like I do:

Ganjang Bibim Guksu (Korean Soy Sauce Noodles)

I will always be self-serving, and I have learned to use that trait to manipulate myself into getting things done that I otherwise might simply find excuses to avoid, the most common of which is indeed, “I don’t wanna.”

Understanding how you function, what your currency is, and realizing that you are both the giver and receiver of your currency in most situations when you’re an adult gives you a great amount of power over your own life. Perhaps it can make undesirable things less annoying to deal with. That’s how it works for me, anyway.

I will always find in any given situation what benefits me. When I find whatever it is that I am going to focus on, most often what do I get to eat when I do whatever it is that I have to do, I am much more willing to undertake that task. This is going to be true with all psychopaths, because it is reflective of how we are wired and think.

I can imagine that this way of thinking and motivation might be abrasive to people who feel like we should just be emotionally and physically supportive of those in our lives because it is the correct thing to do, but that’s just not how we function.