I wish I had known about The Stare when I was younger... *so* many annoying conversations where someone (usually a complete stranger) would approach to concernedly/uneasily ask what was wrong. Always when I was just sitting there, vibing, perhaps mildly annoyed about something but usually happily zoned out.
I eventually learned that throwing on a smile and saying "oh, just tired" normally got rid of them, but it was still irritating to be intruded on like that. Once I learned about The Stare, and why my neutral expression wasn't read as neutral by other people, I got better at masking it.
There have also been times that I accidentally terrified someone because they happened to walk in front of me/look at me when I was gazing through them with The Stare on. Nothing like your 'I am trying to remember what I needed to buy after lectures' reflections being interrupted by someone jerking backwards and yelping "I don't know what I did but I'm sorry!!"
Everyone stopped and looked over... this man half again my size is cringing away from me... and I blink and go "Huh?". Genuinely hadn't even registered he was there. Took several minutes of heavy masking and manipulation to smooth everything over, by which point I had completely lost the mental shopping list. Like, well done dude, *now* I'm annoyed at you.
You have stated before that whether you are good or bad at something doesn’t impact your view of yourself, that remains fixed. I think for most people, being good or bad at something does impact their view of themselves and can elicit various emotions such as shame, insecurity and frustration to name but a few.
I imagine that engaging in an emotional attack with a psychopath hinges on the same idea. Whatever insult is flung bounces off as it doesn’t impact the psychopath’s view of themselves. The barbed comments would be irrelevant and watching someone jump up and down flinging insults that are supposed to rile or hurt would seem amusing, I can visualise that.
I think this has to be one of the psychopath’s key advantages. An unshakeable sense of self. Have that and a person is impervious to emotional attack, and to a degree also has the upper hand if it comes to potential physical confrontation.
The way I see personal insults is this. It has no effect on me, but I certainly understand what the person is trying to do. I find it an unreasonable way of resolving things, but am happy to meet them in their intentions.
"I implore people that do know a psychopath, learn to work things out. Have a conversation when something bothers you, and don’t let things build up until you blow up at them. It won’t work well, and things will go against you in ways you can’t fathom."
Here's the thing. I prefer to talk things out as an initial approach, but if I have good valid reason (whether someone is psychopathic or not) to see that I can't trust the person to be honest with me because of having good valid reason to see that they've already lied to me that's when I struggle to see the point. Fair point on the blowing up at them though.
Interesting. In your opinion, is the predatory stare solely psychopathic? I only ask, because I recognize a lot of what you are describing in myself. I am not a psychopath, but I am known as a very calm, measured, emotionally even person.
However, once my patience has been used up, I am done. I am also aware that I am generally more observant and intelligent than most people I meet. I am not arrogant enough to think that is true of everyone, and I am more than happy to give credit when I meet someone who can outperform me. In fact, it benefits me to recognize when that is the case so I don't bite off more than I can chew. It is just generally true.
So, if we've gotten to that point, it's usually, because I have offered multiple chances and explained that my patience is running thin multiple times. Moreover, I've made multiple notes about the other person. Strengths, weaknesses, etc. and I know what I need to do to get the outcome I want. Once, I get to that place all bets are off. I'm done engaging in the social contract, because that person has broken the contract with me, and I intend to win.
I've noticed people don't seem to understand what has hit them, because it is such an abrupt about face. I'm not sure why, because I give multiple warnings, but it is what it is. That's their problem, not mine. I believe I am high masking and on the autism spectrum, so my persona is also a mask that I can choose to drop when needed. Perhaps that is the commonality.
I think there are different stares in the world, of course, and how they are perceived is up to the eye of the beholder. What I know, however, is that in interviews and studies, the psychopathic, so-called, "predatory stare" is one for the books, it seems.
You wouldn't be the first person on the autism spectrum to use their eyes in such a way. The difference, though, is that we autists often just don't make eye contact at all as the "default setting". So, if we lock in eye contact for even a few seconds, it's not a good sign at all... It appears to mean essentially the same thing as a psychopathic stare.
Interesting, so when someone with autism makes even short term eye contact, it should be taken seriously. Whereas, a psychopath will make accommodating eye contact, meaning we will break it for the comfort of others, but when we decide to actually be ourselves, it is a "situation" for the other person.
I mostly agree with Karol. My natural default setting is either no eye-contact or overly intense staring. Interestingly enough, studies show that autistic people also blink less frequently than neurotypical people.
So, if I am making "normal" NT eye contact, it is because I am masking for my benefit, the other person's benefit, or some combination of the two. So, in that context, eye contact wouldn't be threatening.
If I am staring, it is because I have dropped the mask. That might be, because I am tired, because I am comfortable enough around the other person not to bother masking, or because I have decided masking doesn't benefit me enough anymore to bother with it. In the last case, the other person should take it seriously.
High functioning autistic people, similarly to high functioning psychopaths, are the least studied population. In my case, I know the social norms, I just don't care about them much or find them very meaningful. Lower functioning autistic people, are incapable of understanding the social norms, replicating them, or some combination of the two. Of course, they are the ones that the medical community and autism mommies have chosen to be the face of autism.
So, when I decide not to engage in the social norms anymore, I am playing by a different set of rules, and as Karol says, it is my default state to run the risk analysis before I get into a state of confrontation. Because I don't play by the same rulebook, the things NT's do to upset one another don't necessarily bother me.
Autistic people are naturally wired not to be swayed by social conformity and groupthink in the same way neurotypicals are. So, unless someone's opinion of me is logical, it mostly just rolls off unless I think it will prevent me from getting what I want. That is also just a part of autism. Studies show that autistic people often exhibit a higher level of introspection and honesty, including about unflattering aspects of themselves. So, if it is logical, I've probably already examined it and made peace with it. That means the insult isn't going to land the way the neurotypical wants it to. I won't laugh, but it will kind of be a yes, and... sort of situation.
Finally, my affect is naturally flat. This isn't because I don't have emotions. I do. But displaying them is an act of conscious effort. I do it to fit in and make people comfortable. So, when I've dropped the mask, my expression is relatively emotionless, and that makes people uneasy.
Well, that depends how you define "short-term". If it is strictly within the NT norm, maybe they are just trying to make eye contact as a form of masking, because NTs can become uncomfortable if one fails to make sufficient eye contact.
But if it's even a tiny bit longer, so that it gives the impression of "fixing their eyes" on your eyes (as opposed to "just looking"), then yes, it does need to be taken seriously, especially if they are saying or have just said something serious.
If the conversation is otherwise pleasant, on the other hand, they may be trying to figure out something about the nature of your relationship with them. They may be asking themselves such questions as "Is this someone I could love?"
Be that as it may, it is unlikely to last very long, since the default setting is essentially zero eye contact, so yes, it is going to be noticeable that they are suddenly making eye contact.
And yes, one does need to take notice, especially if serious or difficult things are being said. Autistic people do not have an easy relationship with social conventions. Indeed, some may take the view that they even know what those conventions are, but they don't care.
So, if one fails to take notice of that eye contact and respond appropriately, it is very likely that, to put it delicately, the autistic person's response to that will fall sharply outside of NT norms.
They may say such things to a customer who is late in making payment as "You are behaving like a dog that needs to be kept on a tight leash. You have 24 hours to make this right," or to the customer who would try to insist that things be done wrong, "You will do this over my dead body."
And that does indeed mean that they are willing to literally fight you to the death over whatever it is. They have probably already made an assessment as to whether they would be physically able to kill you if need be. Indeed, a person on the autistic spectrum who has that kind of talk in their repertoire probably automatically makes that kind of assessment about every single person they meet.
That all reminds me... You said something about "currency". I'm not 100% sure what you meant by that, because I come from a somewhat older generation - tail end of the Baby Boom - that normally used this term to refer to the legal tender of a country.
We did, however, have a concept of "buying people" that did not necessarily involve the use of dollars, pounds or francs, but did aim to manipulate someone into doing or being what one wanted them to do or be. So, do I understand correctly that you are using the term "currency" to mean "whatever material or non-material thing is necessary to 'buy' a given person"?
It seems to me that there must be at least some people out there who don't actually have a currency. How do you think one would go about figuring out whether one has a currency, and if so, what it is?
Currency is what a person desires in life. Everyone has one. Be is just being left alone, to something that they covet, or wish to have, to experiences, among other things. A person's currency is a lever that can create a platform for negotiation.
I agree that everyone has some sort of desires. The question is whether they can be used as a lever. I don't think that is always possible.
For one thing, the person may have learned the hard way that they need to keep their desires very private so that they cannot be used as leverage. It may not be possible for others to determine what they want.
For another thing, they may live on the assumption that there are certain set values that are never subject to negotiation, and must always take precedence over their own desires, explicitly including even their own earthly life.
And then there is always the matter that they may want something the other party does not want to give them, and the other party may want something they are not willing to give them.
In such a case, it may well come down to who is more able to deploy the use of brute force to compel the other person to obey. And that will not necessarily be the person with greater physical resources. The only real weapon anyone has is what they've got between their ears.
Everyone has a currency, and everyone can be manipulated through it. I find those that think that they are immune, tend to be the easiest to do so with. It is that blind spot that they just can't accept.
This sounds very similar to mine own nature and I can relate. Sometimes, a few people, with whom I have lost patience with entirely - I'm thinking of a particularly irritating person I worked and shared an office with for six years and I started to use proactive aggression and it was overt in his face when we were alone. That loss of patience happened to me when I realized that one of the two of us had to go and since he was incompetent it would likely be me. Unless he got run by a Mac truck, unfortunately, he is still alive and I have moved on to greener pastures. My mother refers to the version of me without patience as , the other LB. The thing is , id rather not go there with anyone, but yet when it happens you'd swear I was born for meanie role. And yet we can stuff Jack right back into the box and turn around with sweet caring Dr. Jekyll smile and warm voice. I'm not sure which one is really me sometimes, I think both, and all at the same time. Does anyone else roll like this too? I think most of us likely do?
Yes, he had been hired by the Director and greatly favored, for some reason, I suspected he had major dirt on our boss, and it was unionized, so really quite hard to displace him. This person has actually initiated an extra marital affair with my single female predecessor, who became pregnant and, my boss attended their wedding while she was 7 months pregnant after he obtained a no fault divorce. My boss was nearing retirement, and he desperately wanted to keep his pension. Universities are a hot bed of nepotism, imnsho! I mean I could have killed him, but I didn't think it would be a good idea even if I caught crossing the street some might in our old home town(150K peeps). It was also an opportunity fore to do something I could never do before, wage war at work and got real ugly. I only lost my cool once because he was just so dumb and could not understand my technical documents, if he even bothered to read them and he started asking me what was needed to be done and I was like, just read the fuckin document and shut your goddamn face. For the most part I would initiate, like report him for every little thing he did to his nosst, who was required to speak to him about it, like talking to your spouse for 45 minutes on the phone, sleeping at work(always took a picture) or being on Facebook. I think my boss hated him, because he told me he wish Pierre would shoot himself in the f'n head , when we were alone privately. It became an out of control little zoo and once I realized I could get away with nearly anything antisocial as long as it was overt so I d coded Id try working where it was anarchy. A lot of people left during that period, likely to some extent affected by all the toxicity. I didn't mind if they left, after all, all my boss needed to do was fire lil piss pot pete but he didn't, he retired instead..I skipped his retirement that summer and went on stress leave and relocated to a new city on full pay and then got another job. When I look back now I realized I wasted a lot of food energy on an idiot. I think maybe this male psychopath got my maturity at age 50, it took me a hell of a long time to understand deeper stuff about life and people. Plus it was kinda fun to work on total chaos for 8 years, I'd get such and adrenaline rush at time.tjere. and there were a few good souls.lime my friend D. who was nearly as crazy as me, what am I saying g, she was crazier, and we used to share sex stories, I thought that was pretty funny when she would come into our office and lay down on the top of the 3rd empty desk in front of both of us and life and lift the two legs spread-eagle high into the air and show off her underwear. And I was often high at work or called in sick so it kept me there along time. In the end I started to grow up a bit and realize that chaotic workplaces are not healthy and there more to life than being a punk and bad ass.. it was truly bizarre experience and I just went with, yup.
I was a single father to four rowdy teenagers, who had discovered sex, drugs and rock and roll.. I stayed in the job because it required 0 effort and afford me a bit breathing space while I tried to herd those four feral little cats of mine. At the time I thought they had all four inherited my Psychopathy, but I realize now that they are likely neurotypical and that delinquent teenagers and sociopaths behave and speak in very similar ways. Once the kids all finished high school, with P. Still glued to wall like hard green snot, I thought f-it. Going to find my greener pastures soy boyfriend and I quit and split, LoL
I'm the furthest thing from psychopathic but I can partially relate. I'm polite and nice overall and most people that know me have no complaints. But I'm also very quiet and some people take that as me being complacent or weak. They will walk all over me to see how far they can go and I usually let them because I'm terrified of confrontation. But I still have a limit and if I no longer like you my actions will make that very clear. Apparently those actions are off putting because a 60-something yr old coworker of mine who pissed me off is now terrified of me, according to my other coworkers. For reference, I'm a 5'2 girl in her 20s who looks like she's 16, so I'm not sure how I scared him. This has hapenned before and I don't know what exactly I do that scares people away. But no complaints because now he doesn't bother me anymore.
That’s exactly it. It’s a stereotype, but it exists for a reason — those who have never felt a smidge of real power or confidence in their lives will make others feel as low as they can, weak or worthless, because it makes them feel better about themselves.
That’s how narcissists function, no? I’ve read that despite the overinflated ego, they often have very LOW self esteem and act grandiose in order to feel better about themselves.
Those who belittle and stomp on others until they break are the same way. Bullies, but in adult form.
In my experience they do so because others allow them to. If they mess up at work they can always blame that one person who can't stand up for themselves. If they break mum's favourite vase they can always blame the youngest sibling that is a people pleaser. 'If I can why wouldn't I?' type of thinking.
Can you find any picture in media that depicts this flat effect the best?
Also Athena, did you know that our body produces chemicals based on our emotions, which people may consciously do not notice subconsciously definitely do?
I won't be able to cite this, but in a study two kinds of sweaty clothes were produced, from running on treadmill and skydiving. And participants had their fear levels increase on smelling the second kind of clothes more than the first.
Since people mostly are in their heads, and because you do a good job of blending in, I believe they do not pick up on that until it's staring them in the face.
That could be why animals and babies are attracted to you? Because they feel the lack and it's a novelty for them.
I know I have said this many times, but hearing about this study made a lot of sense to me. What are your thoughts on this?
Very nice post, Athena. Liked it alot. Its really cool to see how you stand your ground. Like you a woman, did many years of ballet so I make an educated guess you´re prob skinny or at least athletic, not fat. And you can intimidate people with more stature then you. There is an article you talk about defending your sister from her S.O. Its very interessting and also, like, the smile and butcher knife thing lol. Its sinister. It would be nice to see more of these articles.
and you also comented in finding some things funny. So you can feel the emotion that makes you laugh? or you dont feel it long enough?
Beautifully articulated. Thank you.
I wish I had known about The Stare when I was younger... *so* many annoying conversations where someone (usually a complete stranger) would approach to concernedly/uneasily ask what was wrong. Always when I was just sitting there, vibing, perhaps mildly annoyed about something but usually happily zoned out.
I eventually learned that throwing on a smile and saying "oh, just tired" normally got rid of them, but it was still irritating to be intruded on like that. Once I learned about The Stare, and why my neutral expression wasn't read as neutral by other people, I got better at masking it.
There have also been times that I accidentally terrified someone because they happened to walk in front of me/look at me when I was gazing through them with The Stare on. Nothing like your 'I am trying to remember what I needed to buy after lectures' reflections being interrupted by someone jerking backwards and yelping "I don't know what I did but I'm sorry!!"
Everyone stopped and looked over... this man half again my size is cringing away from me... and I blink and go "Huh?". Genuinely hadn't even registered he was there. Took several minutes of heavy masking and manipulation to smooth everything over, by which point I had completely lost the mental shopping list. Like, well done dude, *now* I'm annoyed at you.
His reaction was funny in hindsight though.
You have stated before that whether you are good or bad at something doesn’t impact your view of yourself, that remains fixed. I think for most people, being good or bad at something does impact their view of themselves and can elicit various emotions such as shame, insecurity and frustration to name but a few.
I imagine that engaging in an emotional attack with a psychopath hinges on the same idea. Whatever insult is flung bounces off as it doesn’t impact the psychopath’s view of themselves. The barbed comments would be irrelevant and watching someone jump up and down flinging insults that are supposed to rile or hurt would seem amusing, I can visualise that.
I think this has to be one of the psychopath’s key advantages. An unshakeable sense of self. Have that and a person is impervious to emotional attack, and to a degree also has the upper hand if it comes to potential physical confrontation.
The way I see personal insults is this. It has no effect on me, but I certainly understand what the person is trying to do. I find it an unreasonable way of resolving things, but am happy to meet them in their intentions.
"I implore people that do know a psychopath, learn to work things out. Have a conversation when something bothers you, and don’t let things build up until you blow up at them. It won’t work well, and things will go against you in ways you can’t fathom."
Here's the thing. I prefer to talk things out as an initial approach, but if I have good valid reason (whether someone is psychopathic or not) to see that I can't trust the person to be honest with me because of having good valid reason to see that they've already lied to me that's when I struggle to see the point. Fair point on the blowing up at them though.
If the person isn't trustworthy, regardless of their neural wiring, I wouldn't bother with them.
Yeah. Not much basis for conversation if the person is a habitual (or even non-habitual) liar...
Interesting. In your opinion, is the predatory stare solely psychopathic? I only ask, because I recognize a lot of what you are describing in myself. I am not a psychopath, but I am known as a very calm, measured, emotionally even person.
However, once my patience has been used up, I am done. I am also aware that I am generally more observant and intelligent than most people I meet. I am not arrogant enough to think that is true of everyone, and I am more than happy to give credit when I meet someone who can outperform me. In fact, it benefits me to recognize when that is the case so I don't bite off more than I can chew. It is just generally true.
So, if we've gotten to that point, it's usually, because I have offered multiple chances and explained that my patience is running thin multiple times. Moreover, I've made multiple notes about the other person. Strengths, weaknesses, etc. and I know what I need to do to get the outcome I want. Once, I get to that place all bets are off. I'm done engaging in the social contract, because that person has broken the contract with me, and I intend to win.
I've noticed people don't seem to understand what has hit them, because it is such an abrupt about face. I'm not sure why, because I give multiple warnings, but it is what it is. That's their problem, not mine. I believe I am high masking and on the autism spectrum, so my persona is also a mask that I can choose to drop when needed. Perhaps that is the commonality.
I think there are different stares in the world, of course, and how they are perceived is up to the eye of the beholder. What I know, however, is that in interviews and studies, the psychopathic, so-called, "predatory stare" is one for the books, it seems.
You wouldn't be the first person on the autism spectrum to use their eyes in such a way. The difference, though, is that we autists often just don't make eye contact at all as the "default setting". So, if we lock in eye contact for even a few seconds, it's not a good sign at all... It appears to mean essentially the same thing as a psychopathic stare.
Interesting, so when someone with autism makes even short term eye contact, it should be taken seriously. Whereas, a psychopath will make accommodating eye contact, meaning we will break it for the comfort of others, but when we decide to actually be ourselves, it is a "situation" for the other person.
I mostly agree with Karol. My natural default setting is either no eye-contact or overly intense staring. Interestingly enough, studies show that autistic people also blink less frequently than neurotypical people.
So, if I am making "normal" NT eye contact, it is because I am masking for my benefit, the other person's benefit, or some combination of the two. So, in that context, eye contact wouldn't be threatening.
If I am staring, it is because I have dropped the mask. That might be, because I am tired, because I am comfortable enough around the other person not to bother masking, or because I have decided masking doesn't benefit me enough anymore to bother with it. In the last case, the other person should take it seriously.
High functioning autistic people, similarly to high functioning psychopaths, are the least studied population. In my case, I know the social norms, I just don't care about them much or find them very meaningful. Lower functioning autistic people, are incapable of understanding the social norms, replicating them, or some combination of the two. Of course, they are the ones that the medical community and autism mommies have chosen to be the face of autism.
So, when I decide not to engage in the social norms anymore, I am playing by a different set of rules, and as Karol says, it is my default state to run the risk analysis before I get into a state of confrontation. Because I don't play by the same rulebook, the things NT's do to upset one another don't necessarily bother me.
Autistic people are naturally wired not to be swayed by social conformity and groupthink in the same way neurotypicals are. So, unless someone's opinion of me is logical, it mostly just rolls off unless I think it will prevent me from getting what I want. That is also just a part of autism. Studies show that autistic people often exhibit a higher level of introspection and honesty, including about unflattering aspects of themselves. So, if it is logical, I've probably already examined it and made peace with it. That means the insult isn't going to land the way the neurotypical wants it to. I won't laugh, but it will kind of be a yes, and... sort of situation.
Finally, my affect is naturally flat. This isn't because I don't have emotions. I do. But displaying them is an act of conscious effort. I do it to fit in and make people comfortable. So, when I've dropped the mask, my expression is relatively emotionless, and that makes people uneasy.
Well, that depends how you define "short-term". If it is strictly within the NT norm, maybe they are just trying to make eye contact as a form of masking, because NTs can become uncomfortable if one fails to make sufficient eye contact.
But if it's even a tiny bit longer, so that it gives the impression of "fixing their eyes" on your eyes (as opposed to "just looking"), then yes, it does need to be taken seriously, especially if they are saying or have just said something serious.
If the conversation is otherwise pleasant, on the other hand, they may be trying to figure out something about the nature of your relationship with them. They may be asking themselves such questions as "Is this someone I could love?"
Be that as it may, it is unlikely to last very long, since the default setting is essentially zero eye contact, so yes, it is going to be noticeable that they are suddenly making eye contact.
And yes, one does need to take notice, especially if serious or difficult things are being said. Autistic people do not have an easy relationship with social conventions. Indeed, some may take the view that they even know what those conventions are, but they don't care.
So, if one fails to take notice of that eye contact and respond appropriately, it is very likely that, to put it delicately, the autistic person's response to that will fall sharply outside of NT norms.
They may say such things to a customer who is late in making payment as "You are behaving like a dog that needs to be kept on a tight leash. You have 24 hours to make this right," or to the customer who would try to insist that things be done wrong, "You will do this over my dead body."
And that does indeed mean that they are willing to literally fight you to the death over whatever it is. They have probably already made an assessment as to whether they would be physically able to kill you if need be. Indeed, a person on the autistic spectrum who has that kind of talk in their repertoire probably automatically makes that kind of assessment about every single person they meet.
That all reminds me... You said something about "currency". I'm not 100% sure what you meant by that, because I come from a somewhat older generation - tail end of the Baby Boom - that normally used this term to refer to the legal tender of a country.
We did, however, have a concept of "buying people" that did not necessarily involve the use of dollars, pounds or francs, but did aim to manipulate someone into doing or being what one wanted them to do or be. So, do I understand correctly that you are using the term "currency" to mean "whatever material or non-material thing is necessary to 'buy' a given person"?
It seems to me that there must be at least some people out there who don't actually have a currency. How do you think one would go about figuring out whether one has a currency, and if so, what it is?
Currency is what a person desires in life. Everyone has one. Be is just being left alone, to something that they covet, or wish to have, to experiences, among other things. A person's currency is a lever that can create a platform for negotiation.
I agree that everyone has some sort of desires. The question is whether they can be used as a lever. I don't think that is always possible.
For one thing, the person may have learned the hard way that they need to keep their desires very private so that they cannot be used as leverage. It may not be possible for others to determine what they want.
For another thing, they may live on the assumption that there are certain set values that are never subject to negotiation, and must always take precedence over their own desires, explicitly including even their own earthly life.
And then there is always the matter that they may want something the other party does not want to give them, and the other party may want something they are not willing to give them.
In such a case, it may well come down to who is more able to deploy the use of brute force to compel the other person to obey. And that will not necessarily be the person with greater physical resources. The only real weapon anyone has is what they've got between their ears.
Everyone has a currency, and everyone can be manipulated through it. I find those that think that they are immune, tend to be the easiest to do so with. It is that blind spot that they just can't accept.
This sounds very similar to mine own nature and I can relate. Sometimes, a few people, with whom I have lost patience with entirely - I'm thinking of a particularly irritating person I worked and shared an office with for six years and I started to use proactive aggression and it was overt in his face when we were alone. That loss of patience happened to me when I realized that one of the two of us had to go and since he was incompetent it would likely be me. Unless he got run by a Mac truck, unfortunately, he is still alive and I have moved on to greener pastures. My mother refers to the version of me without patience as , the other LB. The thing is , id rather not go there with anyone, but yet when it happens you'd swear I was born for meanie role. And yet we can stuff Jack right back into the box and turn around with sweet caring Dr. Jekyll smile and warm voice. I'm not sure which one is really me sometimes, I think both, and all at the same time. Does anyone else roll like this too? I think most of us likely do?
"Born for the meanie role". Yup, I know that way, well
Why would his incompetence mean that you were the one that had to go? Was there some kind of nepotism going on?
I wondered this as well
Yes, he had been hired by the Director and greatly favored, for some reason, I suspected he had major dirt on our boss, and it was unionized, so really quite hard to displace him. This person has actually initiated an extra marital affair with my single female predecessor, who became pregnant and, my boss attended their wedding while she was 7 months pregnant after he obtained a no fault divorce. My boss was nearing retirement, and he desperately wanted to keep his pension. Universities are a hot bed of nepotism, imnsho! I mean I could have killed him, but I didn't think it would be a good idea even if I caught crossing the street some might in our old home town(150K peeps). It was also an opportunity fore to do something I could never do before, wage war at work and got real ugly. I only lost my cool once because he was just so dumb and could not understand my technical documents, if he even bothered to read them and he started asking me what was needed to be done and I was like, just read the fuckin document and shut your goddamn face. For the most part I would initiate, like report him for every little thing he did to his nosst, who was required to speak to him about it, like talking to your spouse for 45 minutes on the phone, sleeping at work(always took a picture) or being on Facebook. I think my boss hated him, because he told me he wish Pierre would shoot himself in the f'n head , when we were alone privately. It became an out of control little zoo and once I realized I could get away with nearly anything antisocial as long as it was overt so I d coded Id try working where it was anarchy. A lot of people left during that period, likely to some extent affected by all the toxicity. I didn't mind if they left, after all, all my boss needed to do was fire lil piss pot pete but he didn't, he retired instead..I skipped his retirement that summer and went on stress leave and relocated to a new city on full pay and then got another job. When I look back now I realized I wasted a lot of food energy on an idiot. I think maybe this male psychopath got my maturity at age 50, it took me a hell of a long time to understand deeper stuff about life and people. Plus it was kinda fun to work on total chaos for 8 years, I'd get such and adrenaline rush at time.tjere. and there were a few good souls.lime my friend D. who was nearly as crazy as me, what am I saying g, she was crazier, and we used to share sex stories, I thought that was pretty funny when she would come into our office and lay down on the top of the 3rd empty desk in front of both of us and life and lift the two legs spread-eagle high into the air and show off her underwear. And I was often high at work or called in sick so it kept me there along time. In the end I started to grow up a bit and realize that chaotic workplaces are not healthy and there more to life than being a punk and bad ass.. it was truly bizarre experience and I just went with, yup.
I was a single father to four rowdy teenagers, who had discovered sex, drugs and rock and roll.. I stayed in the job because it required 0 effort and afford me a bit breathing space while I tried to herd those four feral little cats of mine. At the time I thought they had all four inherited my Psychopathy, but I realize now that they are likely neurotypical and that delinquent teenagers and sociopaths behave and speak in very similar ways. Once the kids all finished high school, with P. Still glued to wall like hard green snot, I thought f-it. Going to find my greener pastures soy boyfriend and I quit and split, LoL
Teenage boys=feral cats. Interesting. I'm 61 and I'm still a feral cat. Do I count as a teenage boy? 😛
Speaking of blinking... Came across an article examining eye behaviour.
https://www.allaboutvision.com/resources/human-interest/eye-behaviors-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/
Wow, so far it's absolutely terrible. Bad enough, it might get a post of its own.
You know... I just read that article. I'd be interested in reading your post on it if you see fit 😊
I saved it so I can go through it in the future
Ooo thank you
Treat me good il treat you better,treat me bad and i will treat you worst....If i have to deal with you.
Indeed, and no one should want to deal with that situation
I'm the furthest thing from psychopathic but I can partially relate. I'm polite and nice overall and most people that know me have no complaints. But I'm also very quiet and some people take that as me being complacent or weak. They will walk all over me to see how far they can go and I usually let them because I'm terrified of confrontation. But I still have a limit and if I no longer like you my actions will make that very clear. Apparently those actions are off putting because a 60-something yr old coworker of mine who pissed me off is now terrified of me, according to my other coworkers. For reference, I'm a 5'2 girl in her 20s who looks like she's 16, so I'm not sure how I scared him. This has hapenned before and I don't know what exactly I do that scares people away. But no complaints because now he doesn't bother me anymore.
I do not get people who feel the need or desire to walk over others. It must give them some sort of emotional payoff that I don't really understand.
That’s exactly it. It’s a stereotype, but it exists for a reason — those who have never felt a smidge of real power or confidence in their lives will make others feel as low as they can, weak or worthless, because it makes them feel better about themselves.
That’s how narcissists function, no? I’ve read that despite the overinflated ego, they often have very LOW self esteem and act grandiose in order to feel better about themselves.
Those who belittle and stomp on others until they break are the same way. Bullies, but in adult form.
In my experience they do so because others allow them to. If they mess up at work they can always blame that one person who can't stand up for themselves. If they break mum's favourite vase they can always blame the youngest sibling that is a people pleaser. 'If I can why wouldn't I?' type of thinking.
Good article Athena, thank you for the share.
Thank you, Emma
No problem.
Very interesting read! Always love reading your POV on certain social situations and how they differ from a non psychopath.
As for you remembering talking about it before, I believe that was on your Quora that I remember you discussing it before!
Yes, you are correct. I had over there, but surprisingly, not here.
Can you find any picture in media that depicts this flat effect the best?
Also Athena, did you know that our body produces chemicals based on our emotions, which people may consciously do not notice subconsciously definitely do?
I won't be able to cite this, but in a study two kinds of sweaty clothes were produced, from running on treadmill and skydiving. And participants had their fear levels increase on smelling the second kind of clothes more than the first.
Since people mostly are in their heads, and because you do a good job of blending in, I believe they do not pick up on that until it's staring them in the face.
That could be why animals and babies are attracted to you? Because they feel the lack and it's a novelty for them.
I know I have said this many times, but hearing about this study made a lot of sense to me. What are your thoughts on this?
I know that the smell of tears changes how men are emotionally feeling, but don't have a great deal of knowledge on the subject.
If I come across an image that shows it, I'll post it. I have not seen one so far, however.
Very nice post, Athena. Liked it alot. Its really cool to see how you stand your ground. Like you a woman, did many years of ballet so I make an educated guess you´re prob skinny or at least athletic, not fat. And you can intimidate people with more stature then you. There is an article you talk about defending your sister from her S.O. Its very interessting and also, like, the smile and butcher knife thing lol. Its sinister. It would be nice to see more of these articles.
and you also comented in finding some things funny. So you can feel the emotion that makes you laugh? or you dont feel it long enough?
Happy new year!
I can feel happiness and find things funny. Those feelings aren't going to be as deep or long-lasting, as a neurotypicals, however.
If possible I’d appreciate if you could answer these questions.
1). Have you ever come into conflict with someone that handled your opposition well?
2). If so could you say how the interaction went and what the aftermath was?
3). Re your psychopathic friend, have you ever come into conflict with him?
4). If you did what would it look like?
5). What’s the worst transgression against you you’d be willing to forgive?
6). You’ve described incidents that had the risk of turning physically violent:
A) Being followed by a man with ill intent, you said you turned to him and said he should go, which he did.
B) Encountering two dogs at night, which were Rottweilers when you were a teenager?
I think you stared them down and they went on their way?
C) In these scenarios, if the opponents didn’t back down, how would you respond?
Given you’ve said you’re not physically big / strong.
Thanks for your post.
That is a lot of questions.
A person that matches me is my Significant Other. It's been fine.
I don't discuss the other psychopath I know without his express permission.
Transgressions- depends. There is no one answer.
Violence-also depends. There is no one answer.